Post # 1
alright bees, i think i need someone to knock some sense into me because i’m probably just PMS-ing and over-reacting.
So FI lives in Los Angeles and I live in Atlanta, approximately 2000 miles apart from one another. We see each other usually every 4-6 weeks but only for about 4 days at a time. He is lucky in that occasionally he is able to travel for work. He is currently in Orlando (where his mom and brother/SIL live) for the next 12 days. Orlando is within driving distance of Atlanta (approximately 6 hours).
FI arrived in Orlando this morning at 5:00 after taking the redeye last night. He says he intends to drive to Atlanta tomorrow “afternoon” to spend the night with me and drive back Sunday morning. I asked him why not drive down Friday afternoon that he doesn’t have to drive 6 hours each way to spend like 12 hours here with me. He said he’d think about it but he would need to rest before taking the semi-long drive by himself (which I totally get).
Here’s the kicker. He didn’t work at all today. He spent the day running errands with his mom, getting his haircut, etc. Basically all stuff that could be done while he is there for the next 12 days. He apparently doesn’t understand why I’m upset even though I’ve explained to him that I should be a priority and seeing me for only 1 day when he could have doubled his time with me greatly upsets me and makes me feel unimportant.
On top of this, we’re technically legally married (we did a civil ceremony to help with his immigration status; and before you ask, no he is not using me for a green card). So does anyone else think he should make his WIFE his priority? Or am I just being crazy? Especially when he has 12 days with his family in Orlando (+ his mom is joining us at my parents’ house in OK for Thanksgiving).
Thanks for letting me vent!
Post # 3
@elw728: I can understand him not wanting to make the long drive on the same day as a red-eye flight (today). But I can also understand your point that it seems like he’s not prioritizing time with you. Can he come see you the NEXT weekend of his 12-day trip? That way, maybe he could leave on Friday afternoon and see you for the whole weekend?
Post # 4
Eh, men sometimes don’t think like us. Maybe he wanted his hair cut before seeing you, maybe he was even working on a surprise for you or something. Grab a glass of wine and relax, it’s definitely not worth a fight. 🙂
Post # 5
- Wedding: September 2014 - Banff, Alberta
@elw728: Hmmm I don’t see anything to be upset about! I can definately understand wanting to make the most of your time together. FH and I were long distance for 2 months and then another month later in the relationship. So I can understand being impatient but I don’t think he has done anything wrong.
Post # 6
@elw728: maybe he felt too tired to drive from FL to Atlanta safely but not tired enough to stay at home all day and sleep? Maybe his mom did all the driving while they were out doing errands?
Post # 7
@LittleByLittle: i definitely understand him not wanting to drive after a red-eye, nor would i want him to compromise his safety if he was tired. which was why i said he should go get some rest and then drive this afternoon. and no he can’t come next weekend because he is attending a conference (which is why he’s in Orlando in the first place) and i have several exams and projects due the following week anyhow, so i wouldn’t want him here haha.
@Future_Mrs_Dr_I: definitely true. i’m going out with the girls tonight so should be fun.
i sent him an email articulating why i was upset (i’m better at writing it out than saying it to him sometimes) and he responded with “i don’t understand why you are upset”. I’m just frustrated because there’s not an end to our long distance any time soon so I feel like him wasting opportunities to see me is not cool. but oh well.
Post # 8
is there a reason you couldn’t go there? long distance relationships are a two-way street. he shouldn’t be the only one traveling to you.
Post # 9
@colorofmyheart: i offered to meet him in Savannah, which is a place we both have never been to and want to see. It would be approximately 4 hours drive for me and 3.5-4 for him. He told me he didn’t want me to stress myself out over it since I wouldn’t be out of class until 5:30 today. So yes I did offer to drive. I totally understand that our relationship has to be a 2 way street. Our entire relationship is based off of communication since we are long distance and it really has never been an issue.
Like I said, I’m probably just PMSing and over-reacting. He’s been very busy at work lately and I’ve been very stressed with school so we haven’t gotten to spend a lot of time Skyping or talking to each other lately so I’m sure thats a contributing factor.
Post # 10
I understand what your feeling. My DH and I are also long distance and I tend to feel slighted when he doesn’t prioritize seeing me – even though he flys up to see me every other weekend. For example, he’ll fly into a neigboring town on Friday aftenroon (I have to work until the evening) and then they’ll prioritize hanging out with his buddies in town and not get up to my place until 9:00 pm. It pisses me off, but I’ve come to realize that traveling takes a toll on you and he enjoys seeing his friends for a few hours.
I’d try to let it go and enjoy your time together. When you have a great day together, he’s going to be kicking himself that he didn’t come a day earlier. That’ll do more to influence his behavior than you getting mad at him.
Keep in mind that he is driving 6 hours each way to see you. It’s not like he’s making no effort.
Post # 11
I understand why he doesn’t want to drive exhausted but couldn’t he leave earlier tomorrow and later Sunday? Leave at 8, get to Atlanta by 2-3pm and then leave around 2 Sunday and get back at 8-9pm.
Post # 12
I couldn’t be in a long distance relationship, or in a relationship where my spouse travels extensively. I would always feel neglected. I do think there needs to be balance, and maybe he needed some time to himself and take care of himself and see his family. But yeah, I would of been annoyed.
Post # 13
@elw728: I do kind of think you’re overreacting. There are a lot of reasons he might not want to come immidiantly, as others have said, like not wanting to drive so long when he’s tired (and I’m sorry but there is adifference between a long, monotanous drive on the interstate where there is nothing to distract you and it’s easy to drift off, and driving around town where it’s not one long straight drive and therefore needs more attention), maybe his mom drive all day. Maybe he just wanted to spend time with his mom? You have valid points, and you should be his number one priority, but you aren’t his only one. Maybe he just wanted to spend a little extra time with her? I know runnig errands together doesn’t seem like spending quality time together, but it’s how my best friend and I do it. In fact, she just came over today and helped me fold, hang, and put away laundry for three hours.
I would take a deep breath and make the most of the time you do have together. He’s not wrong, you’re not wrong, so don’t make a big fuss out of this. One day really isn’t a big deal in the grand scheme of things. You have the rest of your lives to spend togther- his mom, on the other hand, won’t be around forever.