Would you be miffed if guests only showed up at the reception?

posted 3 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 2
Member
8418 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

I personally didn’t care if they came to the ceremony, but I wanted my guests at the reception since that’s really the fun part.  Our ceremony was 15 mins long, so there wasn’t much to miss anyways.  That being said, our ceremony, reception and hotel were all in 1 location, so it was easy for our guests to be at all of our wedding events.

Post # 4
Member
2114 posts
Buzzing bee

Katepants:  I don’t think it is nice to show up just for the reception. I feel like it is like “hey congrats, where is the free booze?” haha.

However, i do completely understand that sometimes things come up, people have their own schedules, cant clear their whole day etc. And that is totally fine. 

Post # 5
Member
2684 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

In general, I think it’s rude to only show up for the party and not the ceremony. That said, we’ve done it once when there was a significant gap between the ceremony and the reception (4 hours) and we needed to arrange child care for the time we were away from home. We did tell the couple in advance that we’d have to do that, and they were understanding (though maybe miffed in private, hard to say!)

Post # 6
Member
1749 posts
Bumble bee

Yes, I would be miffed if they skipped the actual wedding and just showed up to the party. 

There are legitimate reasons for missing the ceremony, of course. I wouldn’t be mad at people who had a real reason for missing it. The reason doesn’t have to be of the “A relative is on life-support” or “There was a 20 car pile-up” variety, either. Any logical reason is just fine. 

It’s the people who planned or decided to skip the ceremony that I would be miffed at. 

Post # 7
Member
410 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I would be, because I think it’s rude to come and eat the food, etc, without actually attending the main event. I think it’s really rude, and I would be a bit offended if someone attended the reception and not the wedding. I think the only circumstance that makes it acceptable is if someone is unable to attend the wedding, but they want to wish you well at the reception.

Post # 8
Member
588 posts
Busy bee

Katepants:  I’ve had friends who sent out more invitations to the reception than the ceremony – they wanted the ceremony small and intimate but the celebration afterwards with all their friends. 

Post # 9
Member
1988 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I’d definitely be miffed, yes. To me, it’s a bit like saying “Congrats! Enough about you now, where’s my free awesome meal?” Rude!

ETA: If they got stuck in traffic or had other legitimate reasons I’d be fine of course. Life’s not always predictable. 

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by  MsMeow.
Post # 10
Member
931 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I know of people who have done this, normally it is because there is a huge gap inbetween the ceremony & reception, in a neighboring town that has nothing going on or no where to go.  

 

I had to do it once, it was back when I was in college and worked as a CNA, and I could not get anyone to cover my mandatory weekend shift, so I had to skip the ceremony for work then get there.  Of coruse, I asked the bride ahead of time, mainly because at that point it was either skip the ceremony or not go at all.

Post # 12
Member
2912 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

yes, i’d be upset. while the ceremony may not be the funnest part of the day, to me it’s more important part .

Post # 13
Member
2871 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I live in a farming community, and it is actually quite common for someone to have to skip the cermony due to having to do chores and show up for the reception.  In a case where someone has a “I have to work” or “I could only find child care for so long” reason, I would be glad that they found a way to still come.  If you don’t have that reason, I would be miffed. 

Post # 14
Member
931 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

To add, I did grow up in a farming area, and it is almost expected for farmers to do this, beause they have to do evening chores, you can’t let the animals go hungry, so they will do chores a bit early and then come over for the reception.  

Post # 15
Member
7664 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

Well, the issue for us was that we had quite a long Catholic ceremony. We tried to make it inclusive and to balance the religious requirements of our immediate family, but at the end it had to be true to our values. I didn’t want some of our hardcore atheist relatives to sit there with sulky faces like thunder through the whole thing, and I would much rather have just had them come to the reception. At the end of the day, I think the ceremony should reflect the couple… and we wanted a ceremony which was true to our beliefs. That doesn’t mean I felt the need to inflict those beliefs on others… especially those who were used to shorter ceremonies.

So I do understand why people might feel the need to excuse themselves from the religious component of the day if they do not follow that religion, and just attend the reception. With that said, I would happily attend the marriage ceremonies of most religions… in fact, I attended my best friend’s Islamic blessing some time prior to my own wedding.

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