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Would you be offended if you got invited to a wedding without a +1? I am personally addressing the invites to those who are in stable relationships, and making sure that everyone is included, but do you think the single folks will mind? I am inviting in groups of friends basically and there is only one person who I think will have a problem with no +1. Unfortunately she is family, and the man she wants to bring isn't the most appropriate for a wedding, but that is another story! Do I give her the +1 or stick to the "no one we don't know" rule?
If a person considers themself in a relationship, they get to bring their significant other. I don't know what 'stable' means, but it sounds like you may be judging your friends' relationships, which should not happen. They get to bring the sig.oth. even if you have never met him or her.
It would depend on the circumstances whether or not I would be offended. If we had been dating for a period of time, the B&G had met him, and other people in a similar situation had been extended +1s, then, yes, I would be offended. It would also bother me if I had to travel OOT for a wedding alone and was not allowed to bring a guest. If none of the above were true, I would understand the situation.
Either way, I probably wouldn't say anything and would just attend if it were a close friend/family wedding.
Is she in a relationship? Or is she truly single? We are doing +1's for everyone in a relationship... doesn't matter if we know the person or not, and it's not our job to make a judgement about how "serious" someone else's relationship is. Out of our TRULY single (as of when the invitations go out) guests, we will only be offering +1's to those who might not know many other people or people from out of town who will be traveling to be at our wedding.
I wouldn't be offended as long as +1s aren't randomly assigned. For example, if the rule is that the couple has to be married or living together, then I'll totally understand not getting a +1 as a single. But if you're letting other singles get them but not me, then yeah, I'd be offended.
Married, engaged or living together was my cut off. If they'd been dating for over a year, they also got an invite. (hey! I didn't live with my DH before marriage, but we dated for years!)
@futuremrsfitz18: By stable I just mean that they have gone on enough dates to consider them a significant other. I am inviting every girlfriend/boyfriend that I know about. The problem with the relationship being appropriate is that she is still married and wants to bring her boyfriend NOT her husband. I think it will be easier if I just don't give her the option because I don't want the drama.
If you're following rules and treating everyone the same with +1s I think it's fine, as long as she'll know other people at the wedding.
@cant.wait.to.be.mrs.d: Are she and her husband separated/in the process of divorcing? Or is this her "man on the side"?
If it's the former, then I feel like you need to let her bring him, if it's the latter then I'd say she doesn't get a plus one for her boy toy.
Still married as in, separated and pending divorce but it just isn't final? I don't see how that's inappropriate, personally.
If you're following rules and treating everyone the same with +1s I think it's fine, as long as she'll know other people at the wedding.
@cant.wait.to.be.mrs.d: OK, no one should be bringing a BF to a wedding when they are married! That's really disrespectful. You're there to celebrate the union between two people, while you're flaunting your infidelity? No, you don't need to invite him.
I'd address it to her and "guest" and let her decide who she's bringing.
@KatNYC2011: She and her husband are "working it out" but because it is out of town she wants to bring her boyfriend. I know, it's a ridiculous situation.
As much as I hate to do it, I'm only allowing +1s if the couple is living together. My venue is small and my FI and I are both in graduate school so we honestly can't afford to have everyone bring their SO. :( I'd love to invite everyone though!
If she has been in a relationship with him, then yes, she gets a +1. If not, she's probably going to bring him anyway, or you're going to get the "can I bring bob??" question. If they just met someone, or don't have a date as of yet, no they are not just going to find someone to bring for me to pay for.
@cant.wait.to.be.mrs.d: Does her husband know about this boyfriend?
That is a very awkward situation.
It's not your job to decide how serious or "stable" a relationship is; if someone is in a relationship, they should get a +1.
Edit: I just saw the explanation and honestly, I'd still just give her a plus 1 and let her figure it out.
Address the invitation to her and her husband. On the RSVP card, list their names and have a choice between "accepts" and "regrets"... Or if you want to be a sneaky terd, address it to her husband with "and guest"! Hahaha, jk, sort of...
I have a huge family (30 first cousins, parents are each one of 7 kids), so the only way to fit all our guests into the venue is to cut off +1s at some point. We are including guests for anyone married, engaged, or in a serious relationship (read: not flavor of the week). If i were in a relationship and FI or my SO (if not engaged) wasn't invited, yes, I would be offended.
If the single people will know other single people at the wedding, if you think they'll be able to find someone to dance with, and if you think they won't throw up a big stink about not being invited with a guest, I'd say its okay. As an example, if you're inviting a single friend from college that won't know anyone, I would extend the courtesy of a +1 to her.
As long as I had friends or family at the wedding, I wouldn't care one bit. I dont assume I am invited to anything, let alone that my (at the time) SO was.
I'm doing +1's for serious relationships only! i have a few guys who justed started seeing someone, not even official, and I'm sending invites in a months.... they aren't getting a plus one. they will be sitting with all of their friends so i don't think its a problem.
and i'm addressing name and name (vs name and guest)... if you can't bring your SO please don't bring a random lol
Which would cause less drama? Not giving her a +1? Or letting her bring her boyfriend?
Personally, I'd find the lesser of the two evils and go with that. I try to stay away from the drama.
I only gave +1's to people who I knew were in LONGTERM relationships: married/commonlaw or almost. If I've never met your SO or if this is an on-again off again thing maybe they should just stay home that night.
That being said, if I was single, I would think nothing of being invited to a wedding all by myself, except if I literally knew NOBODY!
@cant.wait.to.be.mrs.d: Great! Then you are more than welcome to allow no random plus ones. This is certainly ok from an etiquette perspective.
Yikes, I just read all your updates....I would address it to her and her husband as well!
Thanks for clarifying that it is an inappropriate relationship considering she is trying to work it out with her husband - and in that case I think you should specifically invite her with her husband. If she tries to substitute the boyfriend just let her know that you aren't comfortable with that, and be understanding if she decides not to attend.
Thanks for the input everyone! I hate situations like this. I have very limited space so I am just going to invite her (she is travelling with her mother so she won't be alone). She will be at the family table so she will be surrounded by people she knows. I am just going to avoid the drama of being responsible for inviting him or not. If he shows up, we will smile and pull up a chair, but I'm not going to openly invite him.
We decided we didn't want to play the game "Name That Bitch" when we are looking through our wedding pictures later in life. HIMYM, anyone? :D
We are inviting the people we want, and know. If they are married, living together, or engaged they are invited. We are being a little more lenient with our wedding party, but other than that those are the rules! Unless we are friends with both of the couple, then we are inviting each of them, not a plus one. Basically, we are not having any "and guests", just people we can name.
I'd address it to her and her husband. She can either bring him or go alone. It's not at all rude to invite her spouse. There's no reason she should expect you to invite this other guy.
If there's only one person who you think willmind, i'd just give her the +1
To answer your original question, when I was single, or changing bf's all the time I would not have beenoffended, and I wasn't offended the several times this happened. Now, I would be offended, because I have my FI.
@cant.wait.to.be.mrs.d: Yeah, I would address the invite to her and her husband. If she doesn't like it, she doesn't have to come. FI and I are going to be in this situation. She's married but I know she's going to want to bring her "bf"! oy.
No, adults should be able to handle a wedding without having to bring a date. We're doing married/engaged/living together +1s but otherwise, no. If someone was coming from OOT or wouldn't know anyone else, then we'd make an exception, but that hasn't come up. Seriously, it's one day, people will manage.
@Baker2Be: This is what we are doing as well. If we don't know you, you don't get an invite.
I agree with some of the others that say invite her and her husband. If she says they are trying to work it out, then this shouldn't be a problem. If she doesn't like it, she can go alone or not go at all.
We had a very small venue and most of our guests were already married or engaged. Only a few people would have been single. We extended +1s to single out of towners. We originally weren't going to do a +1 for single friends that were local and knew everyone there, but even that seemed rude considering all the other people had dates. We didn't care for some of their date choices, but in the end it didn't really matter to us and all of our guests felt happy and comfortable.
With that said, I would address it to her and her husband. That covers your butt and leaves it up to her to decide to show or not. I also agree that adults should be able to handle a wedding themselves, without a date, but honestly I would feel kind of awkward going to such an event alone. But I would if the B&G meant alot to me. Not everyone knows how to put on their big girl and boy pants.
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