Post # 1
I have been really upset the last couple of weeks due to Bridesmaid or Best Man regret. I didn’t ask a friend that now looking back, I really should have. Long story short, we were very close in HS but not really since then. I have another friend that was close with us too and since we still talk I chose her as a Bridesmaid or Best Man.
Anyways, my question. Fiance and I recently decided on what we want to do for our ceremony (we are planning our own.) HS friend’s mother is actually officiating so we will be meeting with her next week. I wanted to ask HS friend if she would be willing to do a reading during the ceremony. Would you be offended because it seems last minute? I want her to be involved.
Post # 3
I did the same thing, I kept forgetting to ask her to do the reading and felt bad about it, she was really touched though and was happy to do it! I was so glad she did 🙂
Post # 4
NO, I wouldn’t be offended… in fact I’d feel honoured
Remember, lots of Brides are busy getting all the other details of the Wedding organized for months before their big day… so it is only natural that what is going to happen at the actual Ceremony for many folks is the last thing they work on (think how many B&Gs are actually writing their Vows the Day before…)
So it makes sense that this is something you are just getting around to now. Let her know you were looking for something special she might do to be part of your special day, and this seems perfect for her.
Post # 5
Not at all. Reading is a huge part of your ceremony and a tremendous honor. She should be thrilled.
Post # 6
I did this, a girl I wanted to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man (It didn’t work out) I asked her to do a reading but she declined due to being a person who hates public speaking. There is no harm in asking to make her feel included and special on your day, doing a reading really is a honour.
Post # 7
A reading would be awesome.
Almost every single Bridesmaid or Best Man drama thread is the result of someone asking a girl to be in her bridal party that she used to be really close with but isn’t anymore.So, i’m glad this wasn’t about asking her after the fact to be a bridesmaid!
Post # 8
I wouldn’t be offended at all.
Post # 9
Thanks everyone for the reassurance that this is okay. Fiance agreed so we are going to ask her together next week.
Post # 10
This actually happened to me, but on the other side, a very close friend of mine got engaged, i naively thought i’d be a BM & but she avoided the Bridesmaid or Best Man talk – i found out at through friends of friends that the BM’s had been chosen. They had a yr engagement & 1 month before the wedding she asked me to do a reading at the wedding. Hurt? Yes. But did i need to overcome that & realise that she had difficult choices to make? Yes.
The only other thing i would recommend is being honest with her – i know i would have appreciated that. Maybe even asking her to be a honourary Bridesmaid or Best Man – save 1 or 2 tasks through out your WHOLE wedding process & spend the time with her doing those.
Post # 11
@Nic01: Did you appreciate being asked to do the reading?
I know I should be honest but it is such a weird conversation, telling someone they are not a Bridesmaid or Best Man. Do I have to do that with everyone? How do I know who expects to be Bridesmaid or Best Man and who doesn’t?
She offered to help with the bridal shower and her sister just go married this past March so I plan on getting her advice on a few things. Thanks for sharing “the other side,” it’s interesting to hear.
As a side note, she got engaged last Saturday. Do I expect to be Bridesmaid or Best Man, absolutely not. (I would have thought this even before.)
Post # 12
@savealife: I wouldn’t be offended, but I wouldn’t like it either. Offended is too strong of a term, but I would feel I was a last minute choice.
If you want to honour her, maybe have her get ready with you, get a corsage for her or something else.
Post # 13
Yes, I think you should do it. I wouldn’t be offended. It would mean a lot to me!
Post # 14
I wouldn’t be offended; I’d be honored to be a part of your day.
Post # 15
I don’t think you need to apologize for, or even make reference to, the fact that you didn’t pick her to be a bridesmaid. Also, two months before the wedding, I don’t think that is “last minute” at all. If you want to eliminate any chance that she might feel it’s too last minute, you can always be honest and say that you’ve been working your way through the to-do list and are just now starting to plan out the ceremony.
Post # 16
I wouldn’t be offended. People usually don’t start planning the ceremony until much closer to the wedding, anyway. I would definitely be honored!