(Closed) Sorry you’re not a BM but..

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Would you be offended?
    Yes : (3 votes)
    3 %
    No : (105 votes)
    97 %
  • Post # 3
    1471 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    I did the same thing, I kept forgetting to ask her to do the reading and felt bad about it, she was really touched though and was happy to do it! I was so glad she did 🙂

    Post # 4
    9955 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    NO, I wouldn’t be offended… in fact I’d feel honoured

    Remember, lots of Brides are busy getting all the other details of the Wedding organized for months before their big day… so it is only natural that what is going to happen at the actual Ceremony for many folks is the last thing they work on (think how many B&Gs are actually writing their Vows the Day before…)

    So it makes sense that this is something you are just getting around to now.  Let her know you were looking for something special she might do to be part of your special day, and this seems perfect for her.


    Post # 5
    3121 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    Not at all.  Reading is a huge part of your ceremony and a tremendous honor.  She should be thrilled.

    Post # 6
    399 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I did this, a girl I wanted to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man (It didn’t work out) I asked her to do a reading but she declined due to being a person who hates public speaking. There is no harm in asking to make her feel included and special on your day, doing a reading really is a honour.

    Post # 7
    10367 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2010

    A reading would be awesome.

    Almost every single Bridesmaid or Best Man drama thread is the result of someone asking a girl to be in her bridal party that she used to be really close with but isn’t anymore.So, i’m glad this wasn’t about asking her after the fact to be a bridesmaid!

    Post # 8
    474 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    I wouldn’t be offended at all.

    Post # 10
    2324 posts
    Buzzing bee

    This actually happened to me, but on the other side, a very close friend of mine got engaged, i naively thought i’d be a BM & but she avoided the Bridesmaid or Best Man talk – i found out at through friends of friends that the BM’s had been chosen. They had a yr engagement & 1 month before the wedding she asked me to do a reading at the wedding. Hurt? Yes. But did i need to overcome that & realise that she had difficult choices to make? Yes.

    The only other thing i would recommend is being honest with her – i know i would have appreciated that. Maybe even asking her to be a honourary Bridesmaid or Best Man – save 1 or 2 tasks through out your WHOLE wedding process & spend the time with her doing those.

    Post # 12
    3264 posts
    Sugar bee

    @savealife:  I wouldn’t be offended, but I wouldn’t like it either.  Offended is too strong of a term, but I would feel I was a last minute choice.

    If you want to honour her, maybe have her get ready with you, get a corsage for her or something else.

    Post # 13
    2 posts

    Yes, I think you should do it.  I wouldn’t be offended.  It would mean a lot to me!

    Post # 14
    16217 posts
    Honey Beekeeper

    I wouldn’t be offended; I’d be honored to be a part of your day.

    Post # 15
    3886 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I don’t think you need to apologize for, or even make reference to, the fact that you didn’t pick her to be a bridesmaid.  Also, two months before the wedding, I don’t think that is “last minute” at all.  If you want to eliminate any chance that she might feel it’s too last minute, you can always be honest and say that you’ve been working your way through the to-do list and are just now starting to plan out the ceremony.


    Post # 16
    12899 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I wouldn’t be offended.  People usually don’t start planning the ceremony until much closer to the wedding, anyway.  I would definitely be honored!

    The topic ‘Sorry you’re not a BM but..’ is closed to new replies.

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