Post # 1
I know that people here in on the Bee have VERY different views on open bars & cash bars, but that’s not the debate I want to have here. I will say that we will be having an open bar, we just haven’t decided yet if it will be a full top shelf open bar or not.
With that said….
FI’s cousin sent him a text the other night (which I still can’t stop thinking about) where she asked if we were having an open bar. FI responded that we hadn’t decided yet. To which she responds…”Please let me know as soon as you decide. FYI just so you know, it effects your gift.”
Ok. what?! who says that??? Am I reading too much into it or did she blatantly just say that if we don’t host an open bar our gift just went down a few notches?! In all honesty, I would not care if she came and gave us just a card, I am not throwing a wedding for the gifts. However, the fact that she said this makes me livid!
Am I overreacting?
Post # 3
It’s definitely a rude comment..maybe she was joking? That sounds like a joke a friend of mine would make, but it’s always hard to tell via text.
Post # 4
I don’t know that I would be too offended, maybe it has something to do WITH your gift, I don’t know how that would work, but maybe like you need an open bar for the type of gift it is… I really don’t know. I would ask what she means by that?
Post # 5
She was probably joking, although it’s not a very good joke. I would try to forget about it. Some people have no class.
Post # 6
@Razzmatazz: It was a poor choice on her part to say that, much less put it in writing.
Rather than get my knickers in a knot, I would try to take the high road and assume that it might be a budget issue for them. If they have to budget money to buy drinks at your wedding, they may very well only be able to afford a less expensive gift.
Post # 7
Rude ass comment.
That being said, my DH totally reduced the cash gift we gave when he realized it was a cash bar at a friends wedding. I didn’t want to, but he was annoyed.
Post # 8
If your FH is close to his cousin, she was probably joking.
You have no idea the bullshit we’ve had to hear while planning this wedding. If someone had said that to us, I (wish) would respond with “Sorry you’re having financial issues. However, you’re assuming you’re invited”.
Post # 9
@Razzmatazz: COMPLETELY Rude. I understand her theory ‘open bar = better gift because you’re a ‘better’ host/ess’ but SERIOUSLY. Some people are just ridiculous. I wouldn’t be a happy camper at all.
Post # 10
@Razzmatazz: I am literally kneeling down in prayer that she’s surprising you with a martini luge or something.
Something that actually requires you to have an open bar at the wedding.
And that you’re not getting a “limited” gift for (possibly!) having a “limited” bar!
Post # 11
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
Maybe they can’t afford quite the same level of gift if they’re going to spend $50 on booze at the reception… Still rude to SAY it out loud though!
Post # 12
- Wedding: May 2013 - Pavilion overlooking golf course scenery, reception at banquet hall
Could it be that they are planning to get you some sort of alcohol as a gift? Fancy bottle of [whatever] – and would feel silly bringing that to an open-bar thing?
Might be stretching it.
Post # 13
@Razzmatazz: Wow, I would be offended yes. I mean, when I go to a wedding it’s because I want to celebrate with the couple first. If I don’t have money to buy myself 3 drinks then I’ll just buy 1 and it will be fine. It would not affect the gift, it would affect how much alcohol I would drink. I hope she was joking …
Post # 14
I think a lot of people think like this about cash bars, but you never say it to the couple! At least you won’t be having a wedding with a cash bar where people open up their gift envelopes for the couple to get money for the bar since they didn’t bring cash.
Post # 15
It was rude, but it sounds like it was a joke. I think you are very offended because you are sensitive that you might not be having an open bar.
That being said, if I go to a dry wedding in the afternoon, the gift I give would be different than what I would give at a black tie event.
Post # 16
That is odd…my only thing with a cash bar is telling people ahead of time so they can bring cash. We went to one recently, realized it was cash and had like $7 between the two of us, and no ATM on site. ARghh!