Post # 1
Me again bee’s!
A little back info before I ask the ultimate question… Fi and I are getting married at a hotel, there are several ceremony rooms at this location but the majority have no windows (very confrencey!) the room we selected is the only one with windows and has a lovely feel to it – it over looks a lake and well is just pretty great! SO heres the downside – this room only seats 50 – we have inveted approximately 70 people to the day fesitivities (ie the cermony – pictures – wedding breakfast)
We enquired about the other rooms so we could accomodate all our guests and we were told we would have to pay another £700 for a bigger room – now the money isnt a big issue – but it seems it when we’re being moved to, essentially, a conference room with no natural daylight.
So Fi and I dicussed this over and over and came to a decision that maybe we would only have immediate family in the ceremony – ie parents, grandparents, brother/sisters bridal party. So our ceremony would be a small amount of people (civil ceremony appox 20mins long) and the rest of the guests would arrive just before the ceremony finishes and meet us in an allocated bar, so they are part of the pictures, wedding breakfast and then evening reception.
So the big question is – would you be offended to be invited to someones wedding but not actually be in attendance for the ceremony??
Post # 2
katem73: If I were invited to attend the wedding, and expected to witness the ceremony, only to find that it had already occurred, I would be annoyed.
If you only want people to attend the after events, their invitation should be worded to be clear that they are not invited to the ceremony.
If my invitation is clear that I am invited to the breakfast and reception only, and I choose to attend, there is no room for offense.
Post # 3
katem73: I personally never mind missing a ceremony (US bee), as long as I’m invited for the food part I’m happy. I’m assuming you’re in the UK and from what I’ve heard tiered weddings are pretty common there, so I doubt anyone would really be offended. Of course, only you know your guests and how important the ceremony might be to them.
Post # 4
Not necessarily all 70 guests will show up anyways and is it possible to just have standing room behind the chairs or along the sides of the room, or will the hall not allow that?
Post # 5
julies1949: yup invites would be worded accordingly with amended times etc and we were also thinkin of putting a poem in with the invite explaining why (obviously not regards money but just re immediate family only)
Post # 6
- Wedding: July 2014 - Prague
I wouldn’t be offended. Of course, as Julies pointed out above, not knowing ahead of time would feel really weird, but I’d get over it if you bought me a beer, 😉
Post # 7
Here in Germany it’s quite normal to invite the “inner circle” to the ceremony and more people to the reception.
I would make this clear though in the invitation. I’dbe more excited about witnessing the actual becoming husband and wife, first kiss, tears rolling etc so if I thought that was happening only to find out nope i wouldn’t be that thrilled.
Post # 8
I’ve been invited to plenty of reception only events but usually it is considered bad form. I went to these as there were discussions with either grimes or brides beforehand and expected the reception only invites because I was aware of their reasoning. Since its a small wedding, if I were you, I would reach out to those you choose to invite just to the reception and let them know what’s going on. I’m sure most will be fine with it.
Post # 9
housebee: we’ve mentioned it to a couple of aunts and they have agreed they would do the same so havent been to fussed so we are hoping every one is just as easy to please
fallparkbride: we asked about standing but they said no it would be classed as a “fire hazzard” very annoying as there is plenty of room at the back for a couple more rows of chairs. I also thought some may decline but as its a pretty small wedding anyway I cant pick anyone from this list who i think might!
Post # 10
Yes, I would be annoyed. If the invitation spelled out that I was specifically not invited to the ceremony, I would be more annoyed. To me, witnessing the ceremony is the important part of a wedding, and I would likely decline the invitation and not attend the reception portions.
Post # 11
katem73: I wouldn’t necessarily be offended — many brides choose to have intimate ceremonies with larger receptions for one reason or another (though usually not held in the same venue/on same date) — but I’d be disappointed because I’d want to see the ceremony.
Post # 12
Why’d you invite more people than the room can hold?
Post # 13
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
Maybe you’ll get lucky and it won’t be an issue. We invited 80 and only a little over 40 were able to attend.
Post # 14
strawbabies: we’ve not invited anyone as of yet – we are trying to decide whats best to do – the ceremony room seats 50 – our reception room seats 130 – so the issue is only the ceremony – we are trying to figure is it worth paying the extra £700 for a room, which IMO is no where near as nice as the one we have – or do we cut the ceremony to just immediate family and still have everyone for photos meal party etc
Post # 15
Just incase anyone was wondering (im sure you werent but ill update anyway)
Invites have gone out along with poem stating the ceremony is immediate family etc – we also ordered two separate invites so they could be worded accordingly and so far not one person has taken offense (though now ive wrote this im sure i just tempted fate ) and we so far have had lots of acceptances and no declines! and its a friday wedding so that makes me even more happy!