Post # 1
In an effort to save money my fiance and I decided to do E-STD’s. So, when the image was finally completed and we made one of those information-fill-out forms (blogged about by Miss Stripes) I sent an email to my Future Sister-In-Law asking her to “please forward this to the whole family because we don’t have everyone’s email addresses.”
I didn’t think it was a big deal, but my Future Sister-In-Law seemed very offended by it because her response to me was very cold and brash. Then I hear from a family member that my Future Sister-In-Law is mad because I asked her to do this task and she’s not even in the wedding party.
Did I cross some kind of etiquette line?? I didn’t think that forwarding an email to family members that you email on a regular basis was a big deal? Would you be offended if you were in my FSIL’s position?
Post # 3
I might be more concerned that I would forward it to the wrong person. “The whole family” can be kind of vague. It may be that she’s been feeling slighted about not being in the wedding party already, and she’s just using this as an opportunity to express that. I wouldn’t worry too much about it, but I also would tread carefully around her until the wedding is over.
Post # 4
It sounds like she may be hurt that she is not in the wedding party? If she felt snubbed from the beginning, this could have just put salt in the wound.
Also, IMO, I think ettiquite calls for retrieving the email addresses and sending the Save-The-Date Cards yourself. Not so much for your FSIL’s sake, but to be more personal with the people you are asking to attend your wedding. If it was me, I would rather get an email from you then a FWD from somebody else. I would be a little put off by that.
Just my opinion though 🙂
Post # 5
I personally don’t think that’s rude or crossing a line at all. I have one bridal party member (my 20 year old sister who has no time for anything and who lives in another country). Therefore, I send things off to friends and family members all the time to ask for their opinions/help. Nobody has told me that they don’t think they should help because they aren’t in my bridal party. They seem excited to be involved and to get a preview of things before any other guests.
Post # 6
Not offended but confused.
If I was her, I would be thinking, “Why do I have to email them?” For several reasons:
How do I know who exactly should get them?
What if I miss someone does it become my fault they didn’t get a STD?
Why am I inviting people to someone else’s wedding?
But I don’t think she handled it the best.
If I was her, I would have forwarded the family email addresses to you. I would also explain that since it’s your wedding, it would be best if the email came from you.
Has she sent them yet? Maybe you could just ask her for the email addresses and you send them? Besides don’t you want to keep track of who is receiving your STD?
Post # 7
Omg, thanks guys! I was so worried that I stepped on her toes. Now I kind of understand where she’s coming from. I probably made her feel uncomfortable because “the whole family” is a vague description of who’s actually invited.
greenleafmountain – great advice, she is the type of person that I need to tread carefully around because she is over sensitive about everything. She and I fairly have a good relationship, but she was pouting about not being in the wedding party.
Neato – yes, she expressed interest in wanting to be in the wedding party but I told her I can’t afford to have too many bmaids because it’s a small wedding and I’ve already selected my girls. She is my fiance’s sister, so she’s not exactly a close friend of mine. My brothers are not in the party, so there’s no reason for her to feel left out. But you’re right, I’ll send the STD’s myself, that way it’s more personal.
bamm – I thought she’d be ok with helping, I guess I was wrong
Charm – I don’t know if she’s sent out the STD’s yet.
Do you guys think it would be rude if I called her up and cancel my request as in just ask her to not send them?
Post # 8
Yeah, I think you are sort of in the wrong here. You needed to let her know who to send it to specifically since only people who are invited to the wedding will get an STD. Also, why did you ask her to do it anyway? Is she in the wedding party or just someone that you shot an email to because she was on his side of the family?
That being said I don’t think that her response was the correct one. If she was confused, she should have asked you for further instruction, or just say that she can’t do it but would be willing to give you the emails for certain family members.
Post # 9
Yeah, perhaps just asking her for specific family members’ email addresses would be best. Then send them out yourself.
Post # 10
I think I’d be offended, too. I mean, we know you didn’t mean it, and it’s one thing to ask for her help (i.e., would you mind sending me a list of family members’ email addresses, please.) but that sounds like you were giving her a task without making room for her in your bridal party.
Post # 11
So you asked her for their email addresses or you asked her to send you STDs? If the former, then that’s a reasonable request. If the latter, then that’s weird for the recipients. You should be emailing your Save-The-Date Cards directly – I wouldn’t want to get a forwarded STD. I wouldn’t know if I was really invited and I wouldn’t feel invited personally. Your Fiance should ask his sister for family email addresses.
Post # 12
Thanks ladies. So should I apologize to her? I’m not sure how I should apologize though.
Post # 13
Maybe just put it casually – say, “hey, I’ve been stressing about the wedding and wasn’t thinking when I asked you to send out that e-mail. I’d love your help compiling a list of email addresses – we really appreciate you being involved in our day!” or something to that effect.
I can’t count the number of moments I have where I wish I could go back and bite my tongue. Sometimes things don’t seem bad coming out of your mouth until you think about it.
Post # 14
I probably would have been offended, but I would have just vented to my husband, not you.
If you want to smooth things over, I would say “You know I wasn’t thinking it through when I asked you to e-mail the Save-The-Date Cards. I’m sorry if I put undue stress on you. I shouldn’t have assumed it was an esy task. I wasn’t even clear on what I wanted. And I know you’ve got a busy life too. Please don’t worry about e-mailing them….”
Post # 15
lilyfaith and Tanya – Thank you guys so much! I’m going to text my Future Sister-In-Law right now. Thanks for putting things into perspective for me!
Post # 16
I think she was upset because she isn’t a part of your wedding party, and it really seems like something involving bridesmaids tasks. So yes, I would have delegated the responsibility to someone else, or have done it myself. Just my opinion though.