Would you be offended if you were my SIL?

posted 3 years ago in Holidays
Post # 3
Member
6644 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

@Aquaria:  Yes I would be upset. If you are getting gifts all children/young adults should be given gifts for that family.  This deal is kinda an all or nothing least in my world

Post # 4
Member
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

In my family once we were in our 20s and moved out we didn’t really get xmas gifts from aunts or uncles anymore…you could always just chalk it up to the fact that one niece is still quite young.

Post # 5
Member
1289 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

@Aquaria:  I would be a little offended. I mean, you don’t have to gift them equally I suppose. But as a mother I would be a little put off. Like someone mentioned. It is all or nothing with the kids. Even if they are asswipes. 

Post # 6
Hostess
7630 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

I would be upset that you gave only one of the girls a gift.

Post # 7
Member
1305 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I would discuss it with your SIL.

Post # 8
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

I would understand!

Especially if you regularly see one and NEVER see the other! And it sounds like one is a young adult living on her own, and the other is still a tween living at home. Two totally different life situations!

Post # 9
Member
872 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Aquaria:  I would… it doesn’t have to be something super fancy but she is family and you should acknowledge that-even if it’s a starbucks gift card. When I was the only one that had moved out of the house, I happened to be home the day that my mom’s cousin came to visit. She brought gifts for all 4 of my little siblings and gave it to them right in front of me! And then said sorry, I know you live outside of the house… lol what? It wasn’t the gift that mattered, just the thought and I was really kind of offended and embarrassed lol.

Post # 10
Member
3077 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

Based on the AGE no I wouldn’t. After 18, I don’t do gifts for my nieces and nephews.

Post # 11
Member
10495 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2011

If she was going to be there, I would say yes.  I think it’s different when she’s not even present though.

Post # 12
Member
753 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

This would be completely normal in my family. Only kids get gifts. Once they move out or graduate college they no longer get gifts. We play dirty santa though. I also think it’s ok to give a gift to family you see and to not give a gift to someone you haven’t seen in 6 years. I have a young cousin. They alternate doing Christmas with his mother and father’s family every other year. If he doesn’t come to the Christmas party he doesn’t get a gift from us. This same thing happens in DH’s family. We only get presents for the kids who show up to the Christmas party. (We know in advance who will be there.) We can’t get presents for every one of his cousins or we would be broke. We already spend about $600 on just his family. 

Post # 13
Member
11379 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@Aquaria:  it would be very awkward and unfair to do this infront of everyone.  especially the older niece.

if i were you, i would wait and give your favourite niece the gift when it is just the two of you together.

Post # 14
Member
4760 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I don’t think it’s bad simply becasue of the age difference.  One is an adult and the other is a kid.  I think it is fine if you only give to the kid.  If they were both the same age, I’d have to disagree.  But you def don’t need to give a 20-something year old anything if you give her 11 or 12 year old sis somehting, that’s silly.

Post # 16
Member
9949 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

I would get her a few books, wrap them up, and deliver them along with the other gift for the other girl.  No sense in  making a situation more fraught with angst, ya know?

Is the older sister in college?  What do you know about her?  

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