Would you be offended or understanding, if a friend RSVP’d and then couldn’t mak

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
1749 posts
Bumble bee

The world doesn’t stop just because someone is getting married. As long as you let her know that you won’t be able to attend, you should be fine. Your check and gift idea sounds like a find solution. 

If I was the bride, I would be understanding. 

Post # 3
Member
1566 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

bruinchick4:  If your friend gets angry because you are taking care of your parents, both of whom have recently or are going to be undergoing major surgery, then she’s not someone you should continue to be friends with.

That being said, I would contact her as soon as possible to let her know your change of plans. 3 weeks should be enough lead time that she will be able to change her numbers with the caterer.

Post # 4
Hostess
9892 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

bruinchick4:  I would not hold this against you at all!  If you were skipping it because ‘i’d rather going skiing/boating/partying’ I’d be pissed.  This is totally legit.  Just make sure you tell her ASAP.

I had someone bail 10 days before the wedding because her roof blew off in a storm and it meant they couldn’t afford the trip anymore, it sucked but I understood.  I had another one pick a bachelorette party over my wedding…that one stung, and still does.

Post # 5
Member
42460 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

bruinchick4:  If your Dad is having major surgery on Thursday, it is unlikely he will be going home at least until Sunday, so the timing would be fine for you to go there after the wedding.

Post # 6
Member
448 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I would be totally understanding of my friend if she couldn’t attend my wedding because of this.  

Since the wedding is still 3 weeks away, depending on the venue, I would think she may still be able to make changes to the guest count anyway so I think your gift is very generous and I’m sure she’ll appreciate it!

Sending good vibes to you and your family for a smooth surgery and speedy recovery!

Post # 7
Member
6504 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

I would never hold it against a friend if they couldn’t make it because they are helping out their parents after some major surgeries. Just let her know ASAP.

Post # 8
Member
730 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I would not be offended at all, especially if you let her know as soon as possible so that she can make adjustments to the catering, seating chart, etc.  Maybe other brides can weigh in here, but 3 weeks out seems to still be a little early in terms of confirming final numbers for the venue, so hopefully they haven’t already paid for your meals.  I think the $500 gift is more than enough, I wouldn’t bother adding more on top of that.  I would hope that if you approach the situation with honesty and sincerity, your friend will be understanding.

Post # 9
Member
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

In your situation, you friend should totally understand and be supportive of your decision to be with family.

Post # 10
Member
191 posts
Blushing bee

This is 100% a perfectly reasonable reason to back out on the RSVP!

Post # 11
Member
453 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

If you call her now and explain it would be better than not showing up. That way she has a final head count and can tell the caterers, if needed. I’m sure she will understand. 

 

Post # 12
Member
11712 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I would call her right away and let her know.  Any good friend is going to be understanding, given your circumstances.  You aren’t not going because you just don’t feel like it – major surgery is major surgery, and that takes precedence over most other events.  Your friend will understand!

Post # 13
Member
6026 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

I would call (not text or email) her immediately, explain the situation, and offer to pay for the hotel room; chances are, if she is a good friend, then she won’t take you up on this, but depending on the contract she has with the hotel and how many rooms are booked, losing a booking might put her into a failure to meet her contract minimums which can be pretty expensive (all depends on the hotel and the contract though).  At least if you make the offer, she won’t have to stress about the numbers, and you can gift accordingly (although $500 may be way too generous even if it’s too late for her to cancel the meal with the caterer– kind of looks like you’re trying to buy her off.)

Post # 14
Member
751 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I had friends from out-of-state RSVP and cancel at the last minute (two families = 6 people). I was pissed, but I got over it once my wedding-day fog cleared. Even if there’s no “real” excuse, a momentary lapse in judgement by them will not overrule a good friendship. If it’s not so good (a cousin didn’t show up, didn’t give a reason), I’m more likely to carry a grudge, but I realized it wasn’t the end of the world. Once the wedding-day fog clears.

Post # 15
Member
462 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

bruinchick4:  I would 100% understand if a friend’s parent was getting major surgery a couple days before our wedding that they would be unable to make it. I can’t imagine being angry about that.

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