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So my FMIL is a nut. She has caused waves every step of the way as we've planned our wedding. She wants to wear the white pant suit in the picture below to our wedding and, while I don't think she'll compete with me or anything like that, it still bothers me that she'd do something viewed as inconsiderate and not care. It is a step up from the black jeans that she originally said she was going to wear, but still. People will talk about her and her outfit at the wedding and it bugs me that, unfortunately, her actions reflect on FI since its his family.
Plus part of me feels like she causes all these issues just to keep attention on herself.
We are getting married at a vineyard and, while the wedding is outdoors, it is still an evening wedding and she's seen what the bridesmaids are wearing as well as examples of what my mom will be wearing. She just doesn't care. She also doesn't want us getting married out of town (a whopping 4 hour drive) because she doesn't think her friends can come and isn't willing to pay for a hotel room so she's staying with the one couple they know there, away from the rest of us. And it's not like they're destitute - they're in the middle of building a new home so there's money there! And she could find something much more appropriate at Marshall's or David's Bridal for under $100.
Also, the suit is wrinkled in this picture because she took it from the donated clothes that were given for the women at the job skills training center for women that she runs. Nice, huh?
I am really, really trying to not care what she wears because in the long run she's the one who will look stupid and disrespectful/inconsiderate, but it still irks me!!! Blah!!! Sorry for the ranting!
...is that embroidery on it? Honestly, I would be super bothered by it. I would let her do it, though, because ultimately she'll be the one who is going to look out of place. I'm sorry you have to deal with her--she sounds like she's a hand full.
DH dad REFUSED to wear a tux... even though the rest of the family was dressed more formally & in color scheme of or wedding.
It bothered DH at first as he couldn't believe that the one time he asked his dad to do something for him he refused BUT on the day of we really didn't even notice.
The family pictures look weird since he's in jeans but oh well.. that's on them.
I say let her wear whatever she wants... I mean you can ask your FI to talk to her about it but otherwise I wouldn't let it cause a rift between ya'll... just b/c in the end it's like "whatever.. she's the one that looks like a fool next to everyone else dressed nicely"
@jo.lee: yes - those are embroidered butterflies bc apparently she's 12... Thanks for the support! I'm really trying to just let it go and remember that I won't be the one looking inappropriate!
My idea is to enlist your Mom on this project. She can innocently call your FMIL and say something like "I just wanted to co-ordinate our outfits for the kids wedding. In fact, I'd love to go shopping with you! I think that would give us a chance to get to know each other better." I think that If your mom knows that your happiness is at stake here, she won't let your FMIL wear that to your wedding. Years ago, when I had my first wedding (this is my second marriage) I had pretty much the same problem with my FMIL, and my mom came through with flying colors.
Just let her wear it, you are not her mother and really you can't tell her what to wear. No one is going to really care other than you. Remember your wedding is to celebrate you and your FI not how his mom looks
I definitely would be a little upset about it. For an evening wedding that is just ... weird.
Although, like the others said, it's her that's going to look out of place. Sorry you have to deal with that...
@SandyThePoet What a great suggestion!!! Hopefully that could actaully work. I know with my MIL that she wouldn't have budged from her decision, but her it's worth a try =D
Yeah, that sucks. I mean...okay, she'll wear what she wants, but it seems a little lazy and disrespectful to wear something like that when you know how the wedding will be going (the formality, etc, plus it's her own kid's wedding!) I know my response isn't helpful, just agreeing. Lol
It's not even the fact that it's white that bothers me, it's just entirely too casual for a wedding, any way you look at it. Ugh. I'm sorry.
I wouldn't care much except she's in your photos.
Can you have your FI talk to her? If not... hey, she's the one who will look bad. It won't reflect on you.
I would be super bothered by her choice of attire. I don't have a problem with it being white but she seriously looks like she's going to the mall, NOT her son's wedding. What is wrong with people?
At the end of the day , you really can't control her and she is the one that will look out of place, not you.
@jeanie13: That looks way too casual for a wedding. I like the suggestion of the mothers getting together to guide her in the right direction. Seriously though, it's a wedding. She should dress more formal than a summer pantsuit for a fall wedding.
at my first wedding, my dad wouldnt go get fitted for a tux (I figured he wouldnt) so my mom went with him to JC Penny to get a suit.. that morning when he came in all dressed up I had to kind of laugh... he picked out a BLUE suit when the other guys were wearing Black with Burt Orange vests.
I was just glad he wasn't wearing his "good blue jeans and button up flannel shirt"
I had to let it go.
On that note though, at least his was dressy. He looked very nice. Embroidered butterflies on a white pant suit from some donation bin... I'd have to say something. Or have FI talk to her. or... just buy her a dress and say "I saw this and immediately thought of you! It would be PERFECT for the wedding!" ;)
Hmm... maybe you could invite her on a girls-day to shop for something like your rehearsal dinner dress? And while you're there, maybe browse some new outfits for her? Could be worth the try and endear her to you for making the effort.
At the end of the day, like you said, she's the one who will be getting the strange looks, it won't reflect on you.
@SandyThePoet: We actually did just that when the jeans issue surfaced at Easter! My mom emailed her saying that she understood she was supposed to let her know what she was going to wear so FMIL could sort of coordinate. My mom sent a few pics of formal pant suits (my mom's not big on skirts, but these are sequined type tops with silk pants) and FMIL just responded saying she was going to wear black jean because she wears them to work and thinks they'll be fine. When my mom responded saying that she thought FI and I were going for a little more formal of a feel for the wedding FMIL never responded and ended up calling FSIL and going off saying that everyone is trying to dictate what she wears and what do we care anyway. It took FI calling her and explaining that her wearing jeans would make him feel like she didn't think our wedding was a big enough deal to dress up for to get her to "consider" other options.
Bless my mom, she intercepts alot of the crazy that FMIL puts out there and she did her best! Thanks for the great advice though!
I don't think you should put your mom in that position. I think you or your fiance needs to talk to her and say that it's not formal enough. You've got a long relationship ahead of you, so you don't want to start it off by feeling pissed about her outfit (which is so bad, btw.) Seriously, she cannot wear that to her son's wedding, and you guys should just bite the bullet and tell her that!
@toshella: Another great idea! This is why I love WB! So much support and so many helpful suggestions!
I think that you have a good attitude about this. I would be very annoyed too (not because it's white, but because her whole attitude seems disrespectful).
I had people show up to our wedding in everything from tuxes to a jean suit. Yes, people commented, but it didn't impact me at all. My only real issue was that I was blamed by one of the people for their attire because I didn't tell them about the formality...which is bs. They were sent pictures of my dress, the venue, and the dress code (for the restaurant). Totally not my problem. Wear what you want, but don't blame me when you look like an ass.
Don't worry about this "reflecting on your FI". I really don't think that people will blame him for his mom's clothes. She will look silly, but that's on her. As long as you've given her the heads up about formality, this is her problem.
Seriously. . .what is she thinking. If she decides to wear it, there will be no way in hell she will upstage you or anybody else for that matter. She will be the one who looks foolish. Guests always look to see what the Mother of the Bride and Groom are wearing. I wouldn't be surprised if people made comments to her about it. I would be more disappointed than upset, because it's a reflection on her, and kind of a slap in the face to you and your FI.
@jeanie13: I'm not much help b/c I'm in the same exact position as you. My FMIL is wearing a black jersey sundress that she has converted into a long skirt (on clearance at Marshalls) and a paisley turquoise, black and brown cardigan with sewn-in tanktop on sale to our very formal evening wedding. I feel bad b/c she is going to look soo underdressed at our wedding, but FI knows it's a battle not worth fighting. Just wanted to let you know you're not alone!!!
I agree with SandyThePoet's idea. Maybe she just isn't a good shopper or doesn't have anyone to go with her.
I have a different opinion..i think she looks nice. If it's ironed and she put on some jewelry to go with the outfit. I think it's simple and sophisticated (the butterfly sucks..but if she likes they..then power to her..i can't tell from looking at the picture). She pulls off that white suit way better than anyone I can know..so you can look at it that way if she is set on wearing that. :)
The way I look at it, the outfit worn by FMIL doesnt reflect badly on your or even your FI. It only reflects badly on her, so if she wants to wear something weird I would just ignore her. Personally I'm only worried about the BMs, GMs etc.. but FILs can wear anything they feel like
Yeah, my husband's mother wore a white dress with gold embellishments. I was so pissed, but I laughed when my friend's came up and were making fun of her. Honestly, it really doesn't matter, and I agree its only going to reflect negatively on her. Try shopping with her, but if it doesn't work, don't sweat it
That outfit is godawful. I'm tempted to say "Oh yeah let her wear it because it won't reflect poorly on you" but do you really want to have family pictures taken with her in THAT outfit? It looks like she picked it out of some 90-year old woman's dumpster. Yuck. I'd say "Wear that outfit and you're being excluded from pictures" haha but not really. Your fiance needs to talk to her....
Wow your FMIL seems immature. Yes, I would be bothered. But in the end, she will look like the fool! You dont have to display any pictures of her in your house and can put as few as you want in your wedding album. THe attention will still be on you and how beautiful you are. Unfortunately, I think its a battle worth losing
That is...not a pant suit. The cut of the jacket and the 3/4 length sleeves are way too casual. I would definitely try and take her out shopping. If that's a flop, well, she'll get some odd looks at the wedding, that's for sure.
I agree with the previous posters that it is way too casual for a wedding, especially the one you've described. I also agree with PitBullLover however in that is a battle worth losing in order for you to keep your sanity. I wish you luck... my MIL is also tasteless so we can paddle this boat together!
It being White isn't the issue that I can see. It's that the outfit is way too casual and I'm doubting she plans on adding jewelery and rocking nice heels with it to dress it up from the sounds of her. So, I'd be having someone take her shopping and just tell her enough is enough.
I agree that her whole attitude seems disrespectful. When you said "white pants suit" I had something completely different in mind. It's VERY casual....and there are butterflies on it...I mean it's just not something you wear to a wedding, especially your son's wedding. It sounds like your mother has attempted to step in and it hasn't gone very well. Aside from talking to your FMIL about it, I'm not sure what else you can do. At least it isn't black jeans?
I would kill her. No way in heck would I let that happen. Noooooo!
I just came back because I felt the very strong need to say "no" again.
I wouldn't worry about it too much. It is an ugly suit. :) No one is going to take their eyes off of you to notice her
@MrsGolden2Bee: ha ha Thanks! I am loving the support and appreciate the laugh you just gave me!
1. It's frumpy, even if it is wrinkled because she just picked it out...
2. It's white...
3. Is that a ratty old t-shirt underneath?
4. It's way too informal for your occasion.
5. It's not attractive at all!
No way would I be okay with that.
Have your FH handle it with her. What a weirdo.
She looks like those little old ladies you see at the casino! I'd be offended that she doesn't seem to care about looking nice for your big day, but in the end, she's the one that looks like an idiot being underdressed and all.
Ummm...no I wouldn't be OK with it. But if that's what she pictures herself wearing for her son's wedding, so be it. My friend's former MIL wore a short, turqoise, beaded dress with a heart-shaped cut out in the back. The wedding was at 2pm, semi-formal. It was a very popular look for prom that year...
I agree with the PP that she is being very immature. I think this is a passive-aggressive way to get attention. She knows damn well this isn't appropriate. Ignore it.
However, I would instruct the photographer that she is only to be in the family pictures on her side. No other photographs of her.
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