- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
Personally, I would feel uncomfortable with it, but if you are confident in your relationship with your FI, then he is correct, you would be able to save a ton of money and be able to get your own home sooner than if you had to pay a higher rent. But, what would you do with the dogs? About the bathroom, would there be an option to add another bathroom to the house? Maybe the master bedroom has a separate bathroom?
I know my fiance trusts this guy a lot. And I don't doubt that, because my fiance would never ever leave me alone for even a minute with someone he thought might cause harm to me (including his mom's husband). And I'm 999billion % sure I would never cheat on my fiance (YAY for him trusting me there!) Our dogs would live in the back yard :( We wouldn't have to get rid of them thankfully but they've become my snuggle bunnies and I often wake up with Georgia asleep on my feet. You see we don't live together now, I still live with my parents (common for my town & family) so they sleep with me. No major construction was what I was told.... the thought of having my lady products in a bathroom that I share with a guy I'm not related too would be very embarrassing
I was going to say that as long as it wasn't a long time solution (i.e. just for a while for you guys to save money) and it was a nice house then go for it... until I read the part about your FI being away for up to 2 weeks at a time. I would personally find it kind of strange living with another man for up to 2 weeks without my husband, but then it totally depends on your relationshp to this man. I don't know... I think I would be uncomfortable with the situation but you can't deny that it would be really great to save so much money... and you may find it's nice to have a flat/house mate to chat to and have around if you are going to be alone for periods of time.
This sounds like an amazing oppertunity to save money, but I highly suggest you guys really think about it before making a commitement. My FI and I have been living with roomate(s) for the past two years, and I will admite, it can get old very quickly. We currently live with one other man in a three bedroom apartement. I think the biggest issue for us is that we are not able to be as free in our home as we would like to be. Our roomate is very quick to comment if he hears us kissing in another room, and we always need to be very careful about, well, noise levels, in our room. I also find it frustrating that we cannot be as open with one another in communal spaces. If we want to have a discussion we need to go to our room, if we want to snuggle and watch a movie we are often interupted. Granted, our roomate has gotten increasingly passive aggressive over the last year, but the presence of another person in the house can really put a damper on all of those wonderful "couple" moments that occur (physical, mental, emotional). Of course, every living situation is different, but especially in the first year of marriage you will need to consider all aspects of your relationship with one another before adding a roomate to the mix.
Er, I don't think so. My husband has a buddy from back when they were 2 years old. I feel completely 100% safe around him. But I certainly wouldn't want to share a bathroom with him =\
I was thinking the house may be like a mansion or something...but it just sounds like a regular house.
Nope. Ask him how he'd feel about moving in with, say, one of YOUR besties?
I have had great roommates, and don't mind sharing a house with a guy. The catch for me is that you're getting married and this is the time to start your life together - just the two of you. Plus it sounds like you have some other problems with living with this guy. So, I would really politely tell this guy you appreciate his really generous offer, but as a married couple you want it be be just the two of you. I lived with a soon-to-be-married couple for a little while. They figured out really quick they didn't want a roommate, no matter how compatible we all were.
The dogs having to live in the backyard would be a definite deal breaker for me. I don't care how much I would save. My babies are NOT living outside!
As far as living with another guy, eh. I wouldn't love it, but I could deal.
What if you gave it a try for a couple months? If you're really unhappy living there, start looking for a new place with the hubby. If not, you've just saved yourselves a LOT of money!!
Good luck!
If your dogs are inside dogs now, I think it would be super tough on them to put them outside. I think that's where I'd draw the line, personally.
Hmmm...I would say go for it. $50 a month is dirt cheap. If you put the money you'd normally be paying towards rent in savings for a year- that is one good sized chunk of money for a down payment for a house! Living with other guys isn't so very terrible (I've had male roommates), you just need to both set out ground rules from the start and stick to them (who cleans what, when, how often, etc.). It'd totally suck to not have your FI/husband around (but this job doesn't sound definate? Maybe he could get a job closer so he doesn't have to be away so often?), but if you trust your roommate, he trusts him, and the roommate trusts the both of you, it won't be so bad. Maybe you can bring this roomy around to allowing dogs in the house, at least at night, in your room?
Think of this- if you can put $700 a way in savings a month (the rent you could be paying elsewhere), That's $8,400 after a year! It'd go a long way to getting your and your FI a very nice house!
I say, if you trust the guy and your FI does too, then go for it. As long as you feel safe and comfortable, this seems like a once in a lifetime opportunity to get a head start on your future. Letting a stranger see your tampons seems like small potatoes comparitively. :-)
My biggest concern would be the dogs. That would be a total deal breaker to me. If they live inside now I think it'd be pretty cruel to all of the sudden make them live outdoors!
I agree with a couple of the previous posts. It sounds like a great deal but I would worry about the dogs. Unfortunately when you take on animals they become a big responsibility. I would try talking to your FI's friend. Maybe if you paid a little extra and promise to clean up after them then he might allow you to keep the dogs inside.
I would be totally okay with it and happy about it (except for the dogs :( ) but the problem is that you aren't okay with it. You feeling ocmfotable at home is a bid deal.
For me, I don't even see what is embarassing about sharing the bathroom or why it's weird to live with another guy but I do see that it's important to feel good about your home.
That's a tough one! I was totally for it when I was thinking how much money you could save in a year for a good payment on a home. In theory also great idea since your FI will be trying for a new job, and I can understand the "safety" my FI would say the same thing. However, I just think personally if your FI's gone alot that could cause problems.. or ruin there friendship. Buuut you aren't tied down to a lease so you could get out of there fast if a problem starts to occur. Im not sure you don't sound very interested in this idea.
not at all for me. My FI and i would go get hitched right now if it werent for the fact we have a roommate until august. i want to be living on our own once were married!
No I wouldn't do it unless I was close friends with the other guy. You have almost a year till your wedding. Can you get to know this guy in the next year. If you think you could handle living with him then make your final decision closer to next January.
I'm siding with you because I think that after a couple get married they need their privacy. It doesn't sound like you'll have your privacy if you live with an other person male or female. I think you guys are better off getting a really small apartment and just saving up for a house that way. You never know 1 year can turn into 5 years real quick. Good luck.
I wouldn't do it - but ultimately what matters most is how comfortable you feel with the arrangement.
Honestly, my concern is living with a guy you barely know. FI may have known him forever, trust him, etc. BUT..
It sounds like you don't want to do it and you don't feel comfortable. So I say don't do it. Maybe if it was a few months to save up some money then yes, but at least a year? Thats a very long time.
You ladies have made excellent points. And Rabbit thanks for the money break down, I'm a complete saver, but to be honest for some reason I hadn't done the numbers. First I'm going to talk to JB's friend and see if maybe we can try the dogs coming in only at night (which is what we do now already as they're very active and a walk or run just won't cut it). If he can agree to that, or at least try it out, I figure I can put everything else aside after talking to his past room mate. As Ryansgirl pointed out, if he can try that for a bit, then we can give it a try and if we don't agree Mr. JB & I can look for our own place.
Thank you so much bees, I really appreciate your veiws.
My FI and i shared a house with our best male mate for nearly 3 years. but it was only after we got our own place that we started seriously discussing marriage and kids
i love our best friend, he has been there for us for a lot of our relationship, sharing a bathroom aint an issue. being alone in the house with him while the FI was away wasnt a problem, in fact it was nice to have someone there (something i miss a little now he's gone to be honest)
but for me the biggest problem was the lack of serious private space apart from our room. we could lay down on the couch to watch a dvd just the 2 of us, and then half way through he would come in from work and join us, i really resented that. we couldnt really be free to be us. trust me, thats hard enough when your already pretty established in the rellationship, i cannot imagine doing it as newly weds.
although, i do miss splitting the bills 3 ways instead of 2!
yeah I don't care if the dogs are big...that's going to be a big shock for them to go from being inside dogs to outside dogs...can't they come to your room when they are inside? Would it be cold in the winter?...I don't think i'd mind the male roommate...might be a chance for you to get to know him since he's your husbands bestie! but I don't think i'd do it because of the dogs...
I have to say, I don't think the dogs transition to outside is going to be as shocking or terrible for them as we think. Dogs are inherently outdoor animals, if you think about it. I have an inside dog who loves spending weekends on the farm staying outside the whole time. She seriously has no problems going between the two. If you could let them sleep in the basement at night until they got used to being outside (and of course, they'll have a dog house of sorts, I assume), I really think that they'd get used to it.
That all being said, I would probably do it. It sounds like the trust is solid, and the money would be worth it. It's only one year. I have moved every single year of college, and it really does fly by after a while. For that kind of money, I would just keep my girly products in my room if it were that much of an issue.
No matter what we think, it has to be something you and your FI are completely comfortable with.
I think it depends on how well you know the man and you said you didn't know him well at all. For example, I am very close with all of my fiances friends and I would have no problem at all living with any or all of them. I would actually prefer to live with them than alone if FH was going to be gone for weeks at a time. But if I didn't know them that well I think I wouldn't be as comfortable with it. However, at this point in time we would really need the cheap rent to save money so I think I would do it because I don't think we could afford anything else. Since you said that your fiance trusts him I would say go for it.
I think it really depends on how comfortable you are with this guy. I wouldnt worry about the dogs. Theyll be fine outside. If you feel comfortable with him, then the bathroom thing will be fine too. It'll be a little awkward at first but youll get used to it. You would be saving A LOT of money & that's great. But i also agree that it would be a little hard starting your lives together as a couple with someone else there? i don't know, if it were me, it would definitely depend on how i felt around the guy friend.
my honey just joined the army and his best man/best friend did too. there's a pretty good chance that theyll get stationed in the same place and we have discussed having him live with us so he wont have to live in the barracks. however, i feel completely comfortable around him. we're all really close. i know he wouldnt try anything and i do feel like it's added safety when FIs gone. (unless theyre both gone, that would complete suck)
but you do have almost a year until the wedding. you can get to know your FI's best friend and maybe decide later.
i wouldn't be ok with any of it. i don't want to live with a strange man, i especially don't want to share the bathroom with a strange man. it's just not worth any amount of money to me for my safety and comfort level. and my pup would not be ok outside. he'd be miserable. and then i'd be miserable. maybe it's different for you... but if it were me, no way.
Regardless of your marital status, you shouldn't live with someone you aren't comfortable with and whose rules about your dogs are unacceptable to you. Don't do it. You run the risk of ending up resenting your new husband for encouraging this situation, when he's the one off somewhere not having to deal with it. Personally, I wouldn't live with a man I wasn't friends with, whether I was single or affianced or married or what. There are many ways to save money, I bet you can find a fairly cheap place - with your new husband gone most of the time, you wouldn't need a ton of space, for example. Or find an affordable two-bedroom and rent the second bedroom to someone with whom you are comfortable. Rooming with a stranger can and does create all levels of disasters, from the tiny to the catastrophic, all the time and for all kinds of people; it's a necessity at some points in our lives, but the least we can do is find roommates who are willing to let our dogs come inside if that's what we want.
I would only be okay with it if I was also friends with the guy, not just my SO. My bf and I live with another guy right now, but both my bf and I were friends with him before we were dating. I often hang out, watch tv, and drink beer with the roommate without my bf, and that's not a problem. Sharing a bathroom isn't a problem for me either. We're all clean people, and I grew up sharing a bathroom with my brother, who was a slob, so I'm not phased by much anymore.
The dog thing would definitely be a dealbreaker though. I think that keeping dogs outside 24/7 is absolutely not ok (that's just what I think though). If they wouldn't be able to AT LEAST spend the night in the house, I wouldn't be able to do it.
We have a roommate currently (D's friend) and I would not recommend it. He's leaving April 1 and I am counting down the seconds.
I would not feel comfortable with that.
Perhaps this friend has some ulterior motives-- I mean, you never know, right?
I would just deal with the extra expense and live just me and my husband!
I am in complete agreement with everyone who said absolutely not. I would find it extremely awkward to live with ANYONE as a roommate once I was married and especially if it were a single male who I would be spending extensive amounts of time with alone. To me, that is completely awkward and wouldn't feel right at all, no matter what the situation. IMO, I think you should investigate other options and ways to save towards your own home. Even if not for the awkwardness of being around a some-what strange guy (even though he's your FI's friend) alone all the time, you also have to upend your own life and live by his "rules" such as not having your dogs in the house. That "rule" would make me nervous as well, because your dogs could serve as your protection from HIM if ever need be!
I truly wish you the best and suggest alternative ways to save money without rooming with this dude.
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| rachgirl82 | 39 |
| pengoala | 33 |
| MissBoPeep | 28 |
| Future Army Wife | 20 |
| Beckster329 | 19 |
| couawilou | 18 |
| Sunfire | 18 |
| KatNYC2011 | 15 |
 vorpalette |
15 |
| beargoose | 14 |
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| MissBoPeep | 4 |
| Bostongrl25 | 2 |
| Sunfire | 2 |
| slicey19 | 1 |
| pinkshoes | 1 |
| ccranetobe | 1 |
| o0olibelulao0o | 1 |
| namarie | 1 |
| BayStateBride | 1 |
| rachgirl82 | 1 |
I know, I know, weird question. My fiance's friend recently inheritated his grandma's house. This guy apparently hates living alone. So he asked not just my fiance to move in, but for US to move in- after we got married. He's sworn I could paint and do almost anything that isn't tearing down a wall or adding another room to the house, as long as I stay out of his room. He's willing to let me, someone he only knows from hanging out with me when I was at my fiance's old apartment when him and "the guys" were over. It seems strange to me, but he'll only charge us about $50 in rent plus half the utilities. My fiance sees this as a break that we need desperately. Here's the catch though my fiance is looking for a new job, which isn't easy in our town, and is thinking of start driving truck that would put him away from home about 2wks at a time. I'm not happy living with another man and I've expressed this many times because A) FI won't be there most of the time B) This friend doesn't want our two inside dogs inside (REALLY BOTHERS ME!) C) I'll have to share a bathroom with this guy. So would you ignore those 3 issues just so you could save money for at least a year to buy your own home? Fiance really wants this to happen because he feels like this friend will "keep you safe when I'm gone"- Hello that's why we have two 50lb dogs and I know how to use a gun!?!?!? I'm really petite and fiance is a little over worrisome when it comes to my safety (something that if my mom realized she'd smack him across the face, as she raised me to be a confident woman aware of her surroundings). Being short isn't new to me, I know I'm an easy target for some perv out there somewhere, but I live in a low crime town. It's not like it's Memphis (no offense memphis girls). ugh. Not sure if I'm looking for someone to tell me that my fiance is justified or if I'm justified, it's partial just I needed to tell someone and I knew that if my mother knew she'd flip out.