Would you be ok with not having an e-ring? (And also a rant about rude people)

posted 3 years ago in Rings
  • poll:
    Yes : (91 votes)
    30 %
    No : (154 votes)
    52 %
    Maybe... : (54 votes)
    18 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    478 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    Mmmm if I suggested it, yes.

    Sounds like you guys agreed on this together, so if neither of you care, then no problem. Gosh people are mean 🙁

    Post # 4
    Member
    2057 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2014 - British Columbia

    It shouldn’t be a big deal. Not everyone is as pragmatic as you and your FI. My FI bought me a very small engagement ring prior to getting a mortgage together — and even if I wear my ring now, I still get rude comments about it. Can’t win!!

    However, my peeve with dress shopping was a lot of boutiques wouldn’t help a bride out without a ring.

    Just tell people that you’ve got the biggest diamond in the sky: your FI. 🙂

    Post # 5
    Member
    2061 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    I feel sorry for you &  your FI that people are being rude. Honestly, if I came home and told my family/friends that we were engaged, and didn’t have a ring on my finger, nobody would really consider us engaged. I don’t think I’d even feel engaged. I understand technically if you’ve agreed to marry, you’re engaged, but I tend to think, if you can’t afford a ring yet, how would you pay for the wedding, the house, the life together? I know you said you’re paying a mortgage already, but I know this would be the line of thought amongst my friends and family, and probably my own thoughts if someone close to me got engaged without a ring. 

    Post # 6
    Member
    3637 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    Yes, it IS that big a deal, but this thinking goes both ways. A lot of people think it’s ridiculous to HAVE an e-ring given how much they cost and that they don’t “do” anything.

    But to many other people it’s a tradition and a way to show that the man 1) thinks you are special and “worth it” and 2) that he can save money, be responsible and provide for his future family.

    A lot of people would see it as you two being “above” the same traditions that they themselves took part or expect to take part in. It’s hard to see other people reject what you hold dear and think of as important, so they lash out and are rude to you.

    You need to decide if you don’t’ want an engagement ring at all, OR if you just don’t want one YET because you are saving. When you decide on this, you need to stick with the decision publically. If someone asks why you don’t want one, just say that you can’t ever see yourself wearing an engagement ring but look forward to wearing a wedding ring (if you are). 

    OR if you are waiting, just say that you haven’t found one that you both love yet, but couldn’t wait to be engaged and start the next part of your life. 

    Then, if people are rude – call them out on it! Say “well that was rude, you didn’t really think about that before you said it did you?”. 

    If you think someone is getting a little uncomfortable, thinking that you are “judging” them for their choice to HAVE an e-ring, just say “I love looking at other people’s rings, but wearing one just isn’t for me, I am too clumsy/too handsy, it would get in the way etc etc”

    Post # 7
    Member
    71 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: January 2010

    We got engaged AND married without rings. There were just too many other things going on in our lives at the time that took priority. Not having rings was never a big deal and we didn’t allow anyone else the opportunity to turn into it a big deal. If a rude comment was made, we’d shrug the comment off and say something along the lines of “our priorities are elsewhere at the moment.”

    Post # 8
    Member
    809 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2014 - Catal Restaurant

    I proposed to my fiance so technically I dont have a ring. I eventually bought a couple inexpensive ($40 or less) rings just so I can get an idea of what size stone I want. Msybe you could do the same just to avoid nasty comments from people. One of my rings is being shipped now from 1saleaday.com and another came from this etsy shop:http://www.etsy.com/shop/Tradecraft

    Post # 9
    Member
    3200 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    @BruinBeeMPH:  I went 9 mos of our marriage (although the elopment was a secret) without an engagement ring.  I just got my wedding band a couple of months ago and our second anniversary is this month.  It didn’t matter to me but I did have a “placement ring” and a temporary CZ ring to wear because people can be a real pain the ass sometimes.  

    Post # 10
    Member
    10384 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2010

    Honestly? I never wear my ering now that i’m married. I think it was a waste of money. If I could go back, i’d spend the money on a kickass trip or amazing dSLR (i’m really into photography!).

    Post # 12
    Member
    3637 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    @BruinBeeMPH:  I’m confused, you decided on no e-ring but he is getting one anyway. :

    Do you want one or not? It sounds like you are both confused about what you want. 

     

    I know it’s hard to call family out on things like that, but if they are being blatantly rude (not just snide where it’s toeing the line) then you have a right to say something. Start now before they start being rude to your children. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    3637 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    @BruinBeeMPH:  I just read your responses to other people. Now, they have NO right to be rude to you (the people in your life). BUT remember that the reason that they are being mean is because they feel judged by YOU and are being defensive. Have some empathy and remember to approach future conversations with it.

     

    It’s just like being around a vegetarian and feeling judged for eating meat etc.

     

    Post # 15
    Member
    3637 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    @BruinBeeMPH:  I didn’t mean that YOU are being defensive, I meant that the RUDE people get defensive when they think that you are judging their own decision to have an e-ring. And that’s why they are being rude. Again, that’s not ok, but that’s why it is happening.

     

    Given that your FI still wants to get you one, just go with “we haven’t found one we like yet etc etc”. That should stop a lot of the mean comments.

    Post # 16
    Member
    8282 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2012

    I would NOT be okay not having an e-ring at proposal. It’s just normal for people to figure you’d have one. That would be like not staying up at midnight on NYE. 

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