Post # 1
My step-sister, who is quite a bit younger than me and very flakey got upset when she heard I was considering not having her as a bridesmaid, so out of family respect and peace I asked her (and consequently had to ask my other stepsister so both of my sisters would feel included, taking two spots that my friends could have been in).
Well fast forward, she hasn’t done anything or helped or anything (not that I would expect her to, but it would have been nice). But also since she has never had a job, she told me I had to buy her dress, pay for her shoes, pay for her hair, everything, even though I’m really on a very limited budget. I agreed because my mom is offereing to help with some of the cost. I found the cheapest way to do the dresses, got a pattern, bought fabric, and a friend is making them for a small fee.
But last week without telling anyone she moved out of state to be with some guy she met online a week prior, and won’t be back until the day before the wedding, not only missing the bachelorette party, the bridal shower, but also not getting fitted for her dress, so it can’t be made.
Am I right to tell her that if she can’t get here for a fitting that she is choosing not to be a bridesmaid? Would you be upset?
Post # 3
Yes, I would tell her if she can’t make the fitting she’s no longer a bridesmaid.
I would be upset. If she wants to be involved get her dress is a big part of being a bridesmaid.
Post # 4
Yep, I’d politely tell her that if she can’t get to the fitting, she can’t have a dress, so by making that decision she is making a decision to not be a bridesmaid. And let her know that you’ll respect her decision either way but you need to know.
Post # 5
I wouldn’t hesitate to replace her.
Well, I say that, but if in the position I’d probably try talking to her. If she refuses to cooperate, I would kindly let her know that she can no longer be in the wedding.
Post # 6
Yes! I would be upset but i guess you saw this coming no? If i were you i wouldnt start an argument about it but explain your reasons for why she can no long be in your wedding #1 on the list being that she doesnt live in the state and cannot fulfill here duties as a BM.
Post # 7
@chanara: Yes if she cannot make the fitting, grab one of your friends that the dress can be altered for. That is really unfair of her to have YOU pay for everything for her. I am so sorry! This situation really sucks. I hope you stick to your guns and let her know! Good luck and please give us an update 🙂
Post # 8
Oh yeah screw her she has been, as you expected, unreliable. She missed the fitiing, shes dropped.
Post # 9
Normally I’m in the camp of “you can’t un-ask someone” but in this case- I’m with PPs who say she’s gotta go. She has made it clear she really wants nothing to do with celebrating your wedding. She also seems very self centered. I also don’t think you need to feel like your sisters have to be in your BP. My only sister isn’t a bridesmaid- we don’t get along and I’m not going to pretend we do just because it’s what “tradition” dictates. I hope this all works out!
Post # 10
Well my parents weren’t happy with me kicking her out, so the plan is that they are paying for her dress to be made, without a fitting (just going by what size she usually wears and making that pattern) and if the dress fits, she will be a bm, if not, she won’t. Not great, but don’t know what else to do :/