- 6 years ago
- Wedding: December 2010
I’ve posted over the last several months about my relative’s wedding and her greed and lack of consideration. In the end, after she and her fiancé insulted us at our wedding, didn’t even say “Congratulations” or give us a card—let alone a gift, claimed to have sent us 3 invitations/STDs that never arrived, placed a late invitation on the windshield of my car, and was not-at-all gracious for the 80 cupcakes I baked for her shower (oh, and lied to guests saying they were from an expensive bakery), my husband and I decided not to attend her ridiculously expensive destination wedding— which was also on my husband’s birthday.
The couple slighted us on every possible occasion and my immediate family (parents and siblings) were well aware of all of this. When the bride’s family ran out of money —even after her 75-year-old father took out a mortgage on his previously paid-off home to pay for the wedding— my mother (73 herself) paid for the catering for the bridal shower hosted by the bride’s mother; about $700. Since hotel rooms were $450/night, my mother rented a house for $2700 for the weekend so that other relatives who couldn’t affford to/didn’t want to spend so much could attend the wedding & stay with her. The groom’s family said things were too expensive and decided to host only a champagne toast instead of a rehearsal dinner, so my mother paid for the dinner.
My 2 brothers attended the wedding and upon seeing photos, I found out that a couple of things from our wedding that I thought were personal were recreated at the relative’s wedding. At my wedding, my brothers escorted my mother down the aisle, one on either side of her to light the unity candle and then escorted her to her seat. Afterward, myyoungest brother walked me halfway down the aisle, kissed me & handed me off to my older brother, who walked me to the end of the aisle, kissed me & handed me off to my dad, who handed me off to my husband. I thought it was symbolic of the important men in my life, our bond as siblings, etc. My oldest brother then served as emcee at our reception. He introduced the wedding party and after my husband and I entered, he had my youngest brother take me to the dance floor to the Jackson 5’s “I’ll Be There” and then he cut in after a while, then my dad. That was immediately followed by my husband & I doing our first dance.
For some reason, my relative not only had my brothers walk her mother down the aisle, but also had them each escort her -the bride- part of the way down the aisle & then had my oldest brother emcee her reception as well. From what I was told, about halfway through the father-daughter dance, she left her father and walked over to one of my brothers & had him dance with her, then my other brother, then my dad.
The relative is a cousin. Sure we’re family, but we’re not that close and she definitely isn’t very close to my brothers or my dad (her uncle by marriage who has been divorced from my mom since before she was even born).
Am I wrong to feel hurt by this? I’m feeling like this was totally inappropriate and my brothers & father should have known that this would be upsetting to me. I feel like it took all of the sentimentality from the things I did at my wedding with MY dad & brothers to have them do the exact same things for someone else.
My mother said it “wasn’t planned,” that the bride asked my brothers to escort her mother on the day of the wedding (even though there were groomsmen and ushers there) and the same thing with having my brother emcee her reception. My mom said everyone was very surprised when my cousin danced with my brothers and my father at her reception as part of the father-daughter dance, but that I’m being “ridiculous” to feel hurt or upset about it.
My husband tried to pull the “imitation is the sincerest form of flattery” to comfort me, but also admitted that having the same colors or centerpieces is one thing, but having my father and brothers participate in that manner was odd.
I’m upset with my dad & my brothers that it didn’t seem to cross their minds that I might be upset about it or that if it did enter their minds, they didn’t seem to care. I haven’t said anything to them yet since I don’t want to be overly emotional when I discuss it with them and it still feels raw. Am I off-base here?