Would you be upset if…

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Id perfer...
    They came to our ceremony and left straight after to make other wedding : (60 votes)
    36 %
    They came to our reception but didnt attend the ceremony : (67 votes)
    40 %
    They don't come at all : (41 votes)
    24 %
  • Post # 4
    Member
    9226 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2018

    I would be upset if they came to the reception but not the ceremony, or they didn’t come at all. I feel that if they just came for the reception they would just be coming for the free food and drink, and not the main point of the day, which is the marriage of the couple!

    Post # 5
    Member
    473 posts
    Helper bee

    As stated, I would be annoyed if they came to the reception but not the ceremony. I would feel they were just in it for the free food and booze. Honestly, I would rather them not come at all if they had to pick and choose who to celebrate with. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    7404 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    It wouldn’t worry which way round they did it just that they came. But then again I went into wedding planning  understanding that my wedding was the biggest thing in my life and not necessarily the biggest thing in anyone elses.

    Post # 8
    Member
    9226 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2018

    @Pokemon:  Yeah I would much rather they were there for the whole day, and I would prefer the couple split up for the day so they could each attend the whole wedding of the person they were closest to, like I mentioned on your other thread 🙂

    Post # 9
    Member
    863 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    @Pokemon: 

    1. Eh, if they left to attend someone else’s reception then I would be upset they couldn’t stay but I would understand. I mean they have other friends and I understand that they want to celebrate with both of us. I would be happy that they chose to actually come and see us get married rather than just attending the party bit. 

    2. Since the people in question are my close friends in this situation I would be okay with them just coming to the reception, but if they were acquaintances or something then I might feel like they saw my wedding as free booze and food and would probably rather they didn’t come. It’s fine if they had another wedding of close friends to go to but I’d tell them not to come at all if they just didn’t want to sit through the wedding or something.  

    OP, if you are actually in this situation then I understand why you would feel offended,. But I think you need to accept that the other couple are obviously close friends too and just try to be happy that the couple made the effort to come and celebrate with you. I know it might sting a little more that it’s your FI’s ex’s wedding the friends are splitting their time between but you shouldn’t take it personally – the couple are entitled to be friends with FI’s ex if they want to be and it’s not a slight against you that they want to attend his/her wedding. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    863 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    @Jacqui90:  I don’t think that’s really fair. That way one part of the couple are missing out on seeing a friend get married or celebrating a friend’s marriage. I think it’s good of the couple to try and make both weddings and it’s a little selfish and immature to demand the couple each miss out on being part of a friend’s wedding day so they can be present all day at your wedding.  

    Post # 11
    Member
    3442 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    That is rude as shit.

    I have a friend who constantly does stuff like this (except less terrible, because she isn’t trying to attend 2 weddings on the same day), like only comes for the food at the reception & misses the entire rest of the night (ceremony & dancing portion of reception).

     

    If you don’t plan to give me your undivided attention, don’t come at all.

    (I had elderly people only come to the ceremony, but it was for health reasons, which is totally differently than trying to attend 2 weddings in the same day). 

     

    Post # 12
    Member
    9226 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2018

    @Ruby-Redshoes:  I am not suggesting that the OP demand that they be there all day, and I don’t think she is going to demand that or would even consider demanding that. I just think since the husband is closer to the OP’s FI, and the wife is closer to the FI’s ex, it would make sense that they each attend the wedding of the one they are closer to. And as for the ex girlfriend’s wedding that they would only be attending the reception of, I get that they are compromise, but I would feel hurt if I was that bride, that I wasn’t good enough for them to actually come see me get married (the main point), but I was good enough to pay for them to eat food and drink what they liked and party on my dime. But they are between a rock and a hard place and I think it is good they are coming up with an (almost) fair compromise.

    Post # 13
    Member
    10219 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    From an Etiquette point of view…

    The Ceremony is the main event.

    To miss the Reception altho sad, is not a full on faux pas.

    Ideally they’d come for the Ceremony… stay for Cocktail Hour and then bid adieu

    I have seen your other post on this topic

    If they were more “mature” about the whole scenario they’d spend some time together during the day… and some time apart… supporting their own individual friends (assuming that the two Weddings are relatively close in proximity)

    To play favourites or bid one against the other sucks… and is really quite immature

    Based on your other post, I take it the wife is driving the bus, and the Husband (your Groom’s buddy) doesn’t have the balls to stand up to her and just say… “Look hon, I can do this and this… but I can’t do this and that”

    Sad… the state of some people’s relationships.

     

    Post # 15
    Member
    9226 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2018

    @Pokemon:  I agree that you have every right to be upset, but I think cutting him out of your lives for being unable to attend ALL your wedding, remember they will still be attending the main part, is a bit far.

    Post # 16
    Member
    4698 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    Ehhhh, the ceremony is the boring part, and you don’t even get to chat with anyone. I see it as really self-centered to be obsessed with attendance at the ceremony, which is really just for the bride and groom and whoever FEELS like watching… Is it really so insulting to have one less pair of eyes staring at you while you get married?

    I’d rather someone come for the reception only so they get to party with me, that’s the part that matters most. I’d be upset if someone chose another reception over mine because that says who they want to HANG OUT with, whereas the ceremony I don’t think leaves any real message at all. But I’d definitely be upset if someone I thought I was close to chose someone else’s party over mine.

    The reception feels more “main part” to me.

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