Post # 1
I have a question…a friend of mine is getting married in a couple of months and she’s having a destination wedding (i.e carribbean island). A lot of people she invited (myslef included) will not be able to make the wedding. She’s based where I am (in DC) but she’s having her bachlorette party in Vegas and her bridal shower in Philly. Her reasoning behind the philly trip was because she wanted to find a neutral location between DC and NJ/NY (where most of her family lives that most people could go to. But she’s finding that a lot of people aren’t going to be going to those events as well. So if you were her, would you be upset? I say this because i remember a remark that she made to me awhile ago regarding destination weddings being a way to cut costs on you wedding because you wouldn’t have to pay as much. So I would assume if she had a destination bridal shower and destination bachlorette party, her sentiments would be the same, i.e. she doesn’t really want people to come/cut costs. But she expressed her disapointment at me for not coming to the wedding after I explained to her that we couldn’t afford it (plane tickets alone were around 500/ea. I thought since I wasn’t going to go to the wedding I would at least go to the shower/bachlorette parties but since those are destination as well I won’t be able to make them, and i’m assuming a lot of people are in the same boat as I am…so what do you think? should she be upset that not as many people are going to come to her events like she thought would?
Post # 3
She had to have known that a lot of people weren’t going to be able to make it. In my situation now between the wedding and the new house I couldn’t fly to go to anyone’s anything right now whether it be bachalorette, shower, or wedding.
Post # 4
No I don’t think she should be upset, but expressing disapointment that someone can’t make it is just polite and not necessarily a sign of upsettness. We have some friends that can’t make it due to pregnancy 🙂 so we’re certainly not upset at them but I’ve expressed my disapointment several times just to show them that we care about them.
Also, how expensive would the trip to Philly be for you? That seems like something that would be much cheaper than trip to carribean and worth doing if she’s a close friend.
Post # 5
I think it’s natural to be sad people cannot come, but when you plan things that are expensive/far away you have to assume that there will be people that can’t come for those reasons. I might not be able to go to a friend’s bachelorette because it’s in NYC (I’m in Canada) and she actually said “I didn’t assume any of my Canadian friends would be able to come”, because she knows it’s not easy for people.
Post # 6
I’m having a DW also and we knew a lot of our close friends and family wouldn’t be able to come, but no feelings are hurt. For my bach party it was a 5 hour drive for most girls, but quite a few still made it! I think that if your having a DW you should know it comes with the territory!
Post # 7
- Wedding: July 2010 - Anela Garden Chapel & Japanese Cultural Center, Honolulu
being a dw bride, i’ll chime in..at first i understood and was totally rational in not expecting a lot of people to be able to make it, but when the actual, physical “no” showed up, it hurt. I don’t even know why, since I know I should have been prepared, but I think the irrational part of me thinks that they didn’t care or something. so she might have been going through that, finally facing the reality she created for herself.
is she having a 2nd reception at home? that’s how I’m coping, haha.
Post # 8
I’d be upset if a lot of people couldn’t come to the wedding, but there’s a balance. I want a majority of the people we’ve invited to attend, I just can’t afford for them all to show. So I do understand the allure of having a destination wedding, because its a unique experience for the guests that can make it, while being less expensive on the people paying for it. We thought about doing the same, but in the end it was more important to have people there, and not risk alienating anyone, or causing them financial angst! As far as the shower and bachelorette party go, your friend might not be as conscious of how much money she’s expecting everyone to spend. I chose to have my shower and bachelorette party in the area that most people live, specifically my BM’s. Because they’re the ones who are throwing the events and I’d rather not make them break the bank, and I didn’t want them to feel pressured to spend money they weren’t comfortable with. So, it kinda sounds like she’s aware of her own financial limitations, but hasn’t considered her family and friends.
Post # 9
One of my best friends who is a BM is my wedding is getting tomorrow in Jamaica. And I am definitely not in Jamaica right now 🙁 It makes me sad that I can’t be there for her, but with my wedding in 2 months…we just couldn’t justify a $3,000 trip to Jamaica on top of it. I made sure that I made it to all of her events, but hers were local.
It’s tough that all of your friends events are destination, but I think when you plan something like that…you probably expect people to not be able to make it. It does suck though. Hopefully she is having an at home reception so you can celebrate with her!
Post # 10
I think she should be understanding if people can’t come to these events, but she can still be sad that you won’t be there as long as she is just sad about the situation rather than blaming anyone. Why doesn’t she just have a shower in DC and another one in NYC? I’ve never heard of a destination shower. Could you try to make the trip to Philly? I know it’s a long day, but I’ve driven there and back from Baltimore in a day- DC wouldn’t be much further.
Post # 11
I suggest hopping on a bus and heading to Philly for her shower. It isn’t that far, and you can get a bus ticket for less than $50 round trip. Then at least you could go to one of the events!
Post # 12
Idon’t think she should be upset…not a lot of people can afford to make trips like that. She should have known that many would have issues with it.
Post # 13
I would go to the philly trip…but I work that morning until 3p (her shower starts at 2) I told her this and she said she understands, then she “mysteriously” posts on her facebook that she “continues to be suprised at people’s actions, or inactions rather” now this could totally be unrelated, but it seems strange that she would post it…If she had two showers, i would at least be able to go to something even if I was late to it…but to try to go to a shower that starts at 2 when I don’t get off until 3 and the drive is another 1.5-2 hours, i wouldn’t make it. But I’m not just trying to make this about me…a lot of our mutual friends have told me that they aren’t going because everything is destination and it would be too much financially to try to go and get a gift…I don’t know everyone’s financial situation, but I know mine and i’m in the same boat.
Post # 14
People that post thinly veiled wedding comments/frustrations on FB where they know all parties involved can see them = lame.
Can you leave work early for the shower? I don’t know what you do but since you’re not attending the wedding or the bachelorette I think you should try to make it work from the shower if she’s someone who is important to you. She’s acting bratty, yes. but you could TRY to make it work.
ETA: I didn’t answer the actual question. If I was having a DW, no I wouldn’t be upset or angry, just dissapointed a little depending on how close the person was but I would (a) understand why and (b) never say anything negative to them about it. Same for bachelorette.
Post # 15
I wish I could leave work early…but I work at a radio station…so me not being there, would mean something not getting done…plus I couldn’t just sneak off…I have to e-mail a report to my boss after I get off so they would know what time I left. If anything went wrong while I was gone, and I wasn’t there to report it or even worse, someone else did, they would wonder where I was that I didn’t report it. So no…can’t get out of it…
We are semi-close, so it’s not like I wouldn’t understand that she would be disapointed but the whole being a brat about it that kinda annoys me.
Post # 16
How much notice did she give everybody? I dont think she should be mad because it is an expense that some people can not afford. However, I have a few people who have said they can not come to my wedding and I am a little ticked. The reason being they dont have the money for a 200.00 dollar ticket but we gave them over a year advance notice and they are suppose to be my FI’s close friends. I have friends that I havent seen in years willing to make the trip out here. So I guess, it depends on the notice she gave and the closeness of the relationship. As far as the out of town shower and bachelorette party goes. No, I wouldnt go to that even if I had the money. Those are minor things compared to a wedding and its not really fair to ask people to buy a ticket to 3 events in such a short period of time.