(Closed) Would you be upset if people didn’t come?

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
5670 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

She had to have known that a lot of people weren’t going to be able to make it. In my situation now between the wedding and the new house I couldn’t fly to go to anyone’s anything right now whether it be bachalorette, shower, or wedding.

Post # 4
Member
1154 posts
Bumble bee

No I don’t think she should be upset, but expressing disapointment that someone can’t make it is just polite and not necessarily a sign of upsettness.  We have some friends that can’t make it due to pregnancy ๐Ÿ™‚ so we’re certainly not upset at them but I’ve expressed my disapointment several times just to show them that we care about them.

Also, how expensive would the trip to Philly be for you?  That seems like something that would be much cheaper than trip to carribean and worth doing if she’s a close friend.

Post # 5
Member
1371 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I think it’s natural to be sad people cannot come, but when you plan things that are expensive/far away you have to assume that there will be people that can’t come for those reasons.  I might not be able to go to a friend’s bachelorette because it’s in NYC (I’m in Canada) and she actually said “I didn’t assume any of my Canadian friends would be able to come”, because she knows it’s not easy for people.

Post # 6
Member
2342 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I’m having a DW also and we knew a lot of our close friends and family wouldn’t be able to come, but no feelings are hurt.  For my bach party it was a 5 hour drive for most girls, but quite a few still made it!  I think that if your having a DW you should know it comes with the territory! 

Post # 7
Member
1060 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010 - Anela Garden Chapel & Japanese Cultural Center, Honolulu

being a dw bride, i’ll chime in..at first i understood and was totally rational in not expecting a lot of people to be able to make it, but when the actual, physical “no” showed up, it hurt. I don’t even know why, since I know I should have been prepared, but I think the irrational part of me thinks that they didn’t care or something. so she might have been going through that, finally facing the reality she created for herself.

is she having a 2nd reception at home? that’s how I’m coping, haha.

Post # 8
Member
4001 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I’d be upset if a lot of people couldn’t come to the wedding, but there’s a balance.  I want a majority of the people we’ve invited to attend, I just can’t afford for them all to show.  So I do understand the allure of having a destination wedding, because its a unique experience for the guests that can make it, while being less expensive on the people paying for it.  We thought about doing the same, but in the end it was more important to have people there, and not risk alienating anyone, or causing them financial angst!  As far as the shower and bachelorette party go, your friend might not be as conscious of how much money she’s expecting everyone to spend.  I chose to have my shower and bachelorette party in the area that most people live, specifically my BM’s.  Because they’re the ones who are throwing the events and I’d rather not make them break the bank, and I didn’t want them to feel pressured to spend money they weren’t comfortable with.  So, it kinda sounds like she’s aware of her own financial limitations, but hasn’t considered her family and friends. 

Post # 9
Member
546 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

One of my best friends who is a BM is my wedding is getting tomorrow in Jamaica.  And I am definitely not in Jamaica right now ๐Ÿ™  It makes me sad that I can’t be there for her, but with my wedding in 2 months…we just couldn’t justify a $3,000 trip to Jamaica on top of it.  I made sure that I made it to all of her events, but hers were local. 

It’s tough that all of your friends events are destination, but I think when you plan something like that…you probably expect people to not be able to make it.  It does suck though.  Hopefully she is having an at home reception so you can celebrate with her!

Post # 10
Member
1426 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I think she should be understanding if people can’t come to these events, but she can still be sad that you won’t be there as long as she is just sad about the situation rather than blaming anyone.  Why doesn’t she just have a shower in DC and another one in NYC?  I’ve never heard of a destination shower.  Could you try to make the trip to Philly?  I know it’s a long day, but I’ve driven there and back from Baltimore in a day- DC wouldn’t be much further.

Post # 11
Member
499 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I suggest hopping on a bus and heading to Philly for her shower.  It isn’t that far, and you can get a bus ticket for less than $50 round trip.  Then at least you could go to one of the events!

Post # 12
Member
84 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Idon’t think she should be upset…not a lot of people can afford to make trips like that.  She should have known that many would have issues with it.

Post # 14
Member
3162 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

People that post thinly veiled wedding comments/frustrations on FB where they know all parties involved can see them = lame.

Can you leave work early for the shower? I don’t know what you do but since you’re not attending the wedding or the bachelorette I think you should try to make it work from the shower if she’s someone who is important to you. She’s acting bratty, yes. but you could TRY to make it work.

ETA: I didn’t answer the actual question. If I was having a DW, no I wouldn’t be upset or angry, just dissapointed a little depending on how close the person was but I would (a) understand why and (b) never say anything negative to them about it. Same for bachelorette.

Post # 16
Member
494 posts
Helper bee

How much notice did she give everybody? I dont think she should be mad because it is an expense that some people can not afford. However, I have a few people who have said they can not come to my wedding and I am a little ticked. The reason being they dont have the money for a 200.00 dollar ticket but we gave them over a year advance notice and they are suppose to be my FI’s close friends. I have friends that I havent seen in years willing to make the trip out here. So I guess, it depends on the notice she gave and the closeness of the relationship. As far as the out of town shower and bachelorette party goes. No, I wouldnt go to that even if I had the money. Those are minor things compared to a wedding and its not really fair to ask people to buy a ticket to 3 events in such a short period of time.

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