Would you be upset if SO didn't ask permission?

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: Does your SO need to ask for your hand?
    YES, he better ask my parents! : (62 votes)
    25 %
    NO, I'm not close to my parents : (12 votes)
    5 %
    NO, it's not important to me : (134 votes)
    54 %
    Don't care either way : (40 votes)
    16 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    9949 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    Are you property?  No?  Then it doesn’t matter if he asks your dad or not.  If you feel strongly about it, though, then of course he should ask.  But it’s not necessary.

    Post # 4
    Member
    2441 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2018

    My fiance didn’t ask permission and I didn’t want him to (so I guess he got off easy with that!), it just didn’t seem right to me. I moved out of my parents house when I was 19, have been completely independent from them ever since, and I’m just not that traditional.

    Post # 5
    Member
    9412 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    @orchidaloha:  +1. Exactly what I was going to say, except I was out at 16. The only person my FI needed to ask was me.

    Post # 6
    Member
    4483 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2015

    Nope, and I told him not to actually. my dad agrees, since he thi is I should know about my proposal before he does, lol

    Post # 7
    Member
    752 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    I am 33 and have been independent for a long time, but my FI still asked my mom (unfortunately my dad passed away many years ago). FI went out of his way to drive across the state and take my mom to lunch – not so much to ask, but as a goodwill gesture 🙂 

    Post # 8
    Member
    4540 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2014 - Royalton White Sands

    My FH didn’t. I kinda wanted him to ask my parents for their blessing, but it wasn’t a big deal that he didn’t. 

    Post # 9
    Member
    4576 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    I’d honestly be pretty pissed if he *did* ask. My dad is deceased and my mother is crazy for thinking there’s any way I’d have him ask her permission for anything. After one of her making a comment about it, I nicely told her that he is only asking  me and she flipped her wig. Said “if he doesnt ask, I’m going to be a nightmare mother in law.”

    *sigh*

    Post # 10
    Member
    785 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    No. My freedom is not anyone else’s to give away. We’re talking about old customs that have been in place since well before women were liberated. Those were the days where women were bought and sold so it does not bother me at all….:)

    Post # 12
    Member
    846 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    I’m in the minority here. I told BF that I wanted him to ask my dad because it was important to me and it’s also important to my dad. But I view it as asking for his blessing, not his permission. 

     

    BF asked me “What if your dad says no?”

     

    I told him “Then you still ask me anyway. You’re just asking for my dad’s blessing, not his permission.”

     

    I grew up and still live in the South so it’s pretty traditional around here. My brother asked his father-in-law before proposing to his wife. It’s just what is done in our family.

     

    Plus my dad made it clear that if BF doesn’t ask for his blessing first, then he would be very disappointed and lose respect for BF. 

     

    BF is not crazy about the idea. He’s more modern than I am. When I first told him that he needed to ask my dad before proposing to me, his reaction was “Seriously? But it’s 2013! Do I have to?”

     

    And I said “Well…I guess you don’t HAVE to if you don’t want to. I don’t want to force you to do anything you don’t want to do. But I’d be lying if I said that it wasn’t important to me and to my dad.”

     

    BF said “Ok…then I’ll do it. For you.”

     

    And that was it. Lol. I’m glad I said something to BF about it because he never would have known! 🙂

     

    Post # 14
    Member
    1302 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    No – my fiance did not ask my parents for permission when he proposed last summer. It was a decision WE made together to get married – I am not my parents property to give away, lol.

    Post # 15
    Member
    7090 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    Erm, I’m not a piece of property. The only person involved in his proposal was me!

    Post # 16
    Member
    3718 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    My FI didn’t ask permission but he did let my mom know (I don’t speak to my dad). He only let her know about an hour before he actually asked but HE wanted to have that conversation with her (he’s way more traditional about some things than I am).

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