Post # 1
So here’s the situation, you know your SO has been struggling lately with school and procrastination and all that. And you know they have a deadline for school coming up that has them totally stressed out. Your SO also just started a new job that’s very similar to their previous job in terms of it not requiring much/any overtime. A few days after they start their new job they suddenly decide to stay very late at work to study, something they’ve never done before.
Would you trust that your partner is studying? Or would you think that something else is going on?
Post # 3
Hmmm…. I don’t know. I’d probably try and give him the benefit of the doubt and wait and see if a pattern emerges. I guess for me it would also depend on where he worked. It would also depend on his history. If it were my FI, I’d likely believe him bc he’s been very loyal to me and trustworthy. The few lies I’ve caught him in were relatively minor and I gave him enough hell that he knows anything on a big scale would be a deal breaker for me.
I guess it all depends on your relationship and his history of trustworthiness. If the pattern continued, then the next time he said he was staying late, I’d show up with a coffee for him and reassure myself that he’s being honest.
Post # 4
I would ask DH why he wanted to study at work instead of at home….since my DH is not a good liar, I think I’d be able to tell by his manner of answering/body launguage what was really going on.
ETA: Important to ask in person, in a non threatening way (like off the cuff when he’s relaxed) and also to know whether or not your SO is a good liar!
Post # 5
@MrsPhilly: What she said. It just depends on your FI’s history and if he’s been trustworthy in the past.
Post # 6
I guess I should have said I’m the one who’s staying late all of a sudden! I used to literally work 8 hours, but it was in a call centre where there was always people and noise, so studying at work just wasn’t productive. My new job however right now is still doing customer service but it’s 9-5. Before I can actually “do” my job, I need a different insurance license, so my “job” right now is studying for that exam, in addition to studying for the course I’m way behind in. I noticed yesterday that I got a TON of studying done at work, and like none at home, so I decided today to go in an hour early and ended up staying 4 hours late. The paper that I was previously 99% sure I wouldn’t get done and was actually crying about on Monday will not only be done on time but even early if I put in an extra 5 hours at work tomorrow!
There’s just soooo many distractions at home!
The reason I asked btw was because I posted something on FB about how a 13+ hour day at work ended up being really productive and a “friend” messaged me and was all “Yeah, sure sure, you were ‘working late’. No one ever does that out of the blue. Be honest with your fiance and tell him what you were really doing! When my ex told me he was staying late all of a sudden to catch up on work I knew immediately he was cheating and I was right.”
Did I mention I’ve posted regularly on FB about how stressed I am about this course? (I’ve had a lot of trouble with it). Needless to say that “friend” is no longer a FB friend if she would believe I would do something like that.
But it did get me thinking how it would look to FI for me to all of a sudden start working late. He’s out right now though at one of his regularly scheduled activities (ultimate frisbee) which I sometimes go to so I know it’s all good there… otherwise I’d ask him, although I know he trusts me and I’ve never given him any reason not to….
Post # 7
I will add that I was your SO in this situation. I got a job in an office in my field and i’m working on my masters thesis. I find that when I go home I get sucked into housework, or wedding planning or whatever, so I started staying late at work to write because it is quiet and there are not a million little distractions like at home. Honestly, it works great and I would trust that if he struggles with procrastination like me and is easily distracted then trust he needs the space to be away and just study. Having your SO around when you are studying is also a wonderful distraction, so he may just need physical space to study well.
Post # 8
@futuremrste: If this was the first time and my SO hadn’t given me any reason to be suspicious in the past then of course I would trust him. I’m kind of a procrastinator and I find doing stuff for work at home hard because there are so many discractions.
Post # 9
@futuremrste: Honestly that there were fewer distractions at work was my first thought. My FI is taking his final college course online this fall while working a very stressful job. I worry a bit about his focus when he tries to do his school work all holed up in his office where all of his fun stuff (computer games, the internet, warhammer, and fun books) is just waiting to distract him. Cheating was not my first thought, but then FI and I have great communication and trust each other completely. If you really are worried what your FI thinks I would just have a conversation with him, maybe start by bringing up that random FB message and ask him if that ever crossed his mind.