Post # 1
I was listening to the radio the other day and as usual a person will email the hosts and they will ask the audience to call in. Well I guess the person who emailed said her boyfriend keeps telling her that her nose is ugly and that she isn’t that attractive. She had gotten a nose job already because he had pressured her and she had wanted to get one anyways but now she didn’t know what to do because he didn’t find her to be beautiful.
A lot of people were calling in saying that they would get away from him and that it was awful that he was saying that. But then this man, let’s call him Bob, said that he thinks she should stay and that it’s not that big of a deal. Bob said that he tells his wife all the time that she’s not that attractive and she knows that. She also knows that Bob doesn’t think she’s the prettiest girl in the world. After a few minutes of this Bob says that he got in a motorcycle accident a few years back. He had lost some skin on his face and they had to do a skin graft. After the surgery and while he was still in the hospital his wife said to him “Wow hun, you looked way better before your accident” so him telling her that she’s not that pretty made it sound like it was his form of childish retaliation.
Would you break up with these men? If you found out that your man didn’t/doesn’t consider you that attractive or whatever would you say? What if he was pressuring you to get some sort of cosmetic surgery?
Post # 3
I would never allow my FI/BF/Husband whatever to pressure me into cosmetic surgery. If he wanted me to change, I would find a new guy! Like Dr. Phil says, you teach people how to treat you.
Post # 4
First, I think Bob’s case is different and I actually feel bad for him that his wife said that. It doesn’t excuse him saying it to her, though.
But as for the initial caller — it honestly sounds like the way an abuser would use self esteem to manipulate his partner. A thoughtless comment is different from pressuring someone into serious cosmetic surgery and then continuing to insult her! I hope she can get away from him and get to feel good about herself again.
Post # 5
My ex used to say things like that to me every once in a while. It does wonders to hurt a girl’s self esteem. I did end up breaking up with him and told my husband a few of the things he used to tell me. My husband reassured me that my ex was crazy and maybe just trying to beat me down.
So in the end, yes, I would break up with that person. There’s no reason for someone to be that blatantly rude to another person. And anyone who would pressure their significant other into getting cosmetic surgery doesn’t deserve her (or him)!
Post # 6
I’m willing to bet Bob wasn’t too peachy before his accident either.
And I would absolutely break up with both men. Life is waaaay too short to waste time on someone who doesn’t think he’s the luckiest man on the planet to have you.
Post # 7
@Ryansgirl: Totally agree!
I would never be around anybody who said those things, especially a close loved one. If a guy had ever said my nose or anything else isn’t attractive and recommended I get surgery, I’d recommend he go pound sand. Talk about a deal-breaker for me. My husband tells me all the time I’m beautiful (even when I think I look horrible like first thing in the morning or when I’m sick!!).
Post # 8
I think those two need therapy! It sounds like an unhealthy relationship on both ends.
She insults him during a vulnerable time so in turn he starts to insult her, not my idea of a healthy relationship.
Post # 9
That’s disgusting. When you really love someone for everything they are, they become the most beautiful person to you regardless of how conventionally attractive other people would find them.
If DH ever told me I needed to change some part of me for him to be attracted to me, I’d laugh and tell him, “Don’t let me hold you back from dating a supermodel! There’s the door!”
But he tells me every day that I’m beautiful and gorgeous, and the prettiest girl he’s ever seen. 🙂
It seems that this kind of criticism about a woman’s appearance is a trademark of misogynist, abusive men. My friend’s abusive ex was totally hung up on her nose and used that to hurt her and make her feel like she wasn’t good enough, and like he was doing her a favor by dating her. Now her fiance wants to buy her a boob job for her wedding gift… don’t even get me started on how skeezy this guy is. Ugh.
Oh, and all the bees posting in this thread: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/who-is-your-embarrassing-celebrity-crush/page/5 are proof that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Anyone who can’t see the person through their physical imperfections is imo, a sociopath.
Post # 10
Yup. A breakup is in order. Irrespective of how pretty or ugly she is, the fact of the matter is he married her. So is he saying that he is not able to marry someone better looking than her? In a weird, twisted way, he is insulting himself more than he is insulting her. That’s 2 insults in 1. Two good reasons to LEAVE!
Post # 11
This is so awful!! I think Bob got in that motorcycle accident bc he is a huge ass, and this was gods way of making him look “ugly” so his wife could be an ass right back at him!!
Both women need to leave these “men”
Post # 12
@Amaryllis: Yes!! Exactly, it’s so manipulative. It makes the women think, if the person who is supposed to love you more than anyone else doesn’t think you’re beautiful, then who will? Nobody.
It’s so cruel.
Post # 13
wow… I would never put up with that. My FI teases me about my earlobes, and tells me I need surgery to fix them, but it’s our big joke… mean that earlobes are so insignificant in the grand scheme of a marriage that if that’s our worst problem, we’re doing alright.
Post # 14
In a heartbeat I would break up with that person. Poor girl! She obviously wants to get out of the relationship if she’s calling in to a radio show but it sounds like she doesn’t have the guts at this point. Like others have pointed out it sounds like an abusive relationship. Sad 🙁
Post # 15
@bunnyfoofoo, yay for May 14th! Coming up soon.
Post # 16
I’ve lost friends before because they’ve said negative things about my appearance (basically, kept calling me fat and/or chubby when I was wearing a size 8 in jeans). So yeah, I would totally ditch the loser.
My life outlook is that your relationships should build you up. People don’t have to worship you, but they definitely shouldn’t be saying negative things to you about your appearance.