Post # 1
Here’s the scoop. We made a rule a long time ago that only family is allowed to bring their children. This has already been a problem with my FMIL who wants to invite EVERYONES kids. To be honest, I wish we would have made it an adult only reception. Almost every wedding I have been to parents let the children run wild all over the venue and even worse the dance floor.
There are about a dozen children under 10 on the guest list. I am realizing that our venue really isn’t child friendly. I am worried about a number of things: Stairs & lots of places to trip (old theater), In a busy college bar area/high traffic street f they somehow found their way out the front door and to be honest I would be really upset if one of these kids screamed or cried through the ceremony.
Parents, do you generally bring your children to wedding or leave them at home? What should I expect.
Post # 3
Sorry, not a parent, but after RSVPs and reading many many threads on the bee… most parents will assume that their child is invited unless (and perhaps regardless of…) being told otherwise. You will need to specifically state this. I don’t like the idea of doing it on the invitations, but that means telling each family by phone when they ask or RSVP for their kids.
Post # 4
@loving_life: Oh yeah 🙂 Did you have problems with that?
We have already had problems with that. Family friend assumed and FMIL supported it. We were stuck being the bad guy. Guess I’ll just have to deal with it as RSVPs roll in. We did write for example Mr. and Mrs Salsa (no kids) on the envelopes, hope that helps.
I don’t know why salsa was the first word I thought of.
Just wondering if people normally do or if they want a night away… Actually kinda concerned for the little ones at our venue…
Post # 5
@engleman10513: I have brought my kids to the weddings of immediate family members because they were invited. But I also took responsibility for them. My kids were safe at weddings for the same reason that they were safe at the mall or in car parks: because I looked after them. Nor did we let them disrupt: if they got restless, DH or I took them out the back.
When my kids aren’t invited, I get them babysat.
But I’ve also read lots of horror stories of parents who bring kids and let them scream. It all depends on how responsible the parents are.
Post # 6
@engleman10513: I have two three year olds and since they’re not old enough to sit quietly for 15 minutes at a time they don’t come to weddings with me and FH. Weddings are typically long and it would be too much for them at this age unless it was a short afternoon wedding somewhere outdoors and they could nap in our car. I wouldn’t bring them to your wedding but that’s just me. Don’t assume that all parents will be the same. Most parents bring their kids to weddings with them.
It is pretty much assumed that children are invited. So if you don’t want little ones there you’ll have to make it expressively clear and make very strict rules on who is allowed to bring their children and who isn’t.
Post # 7
@paula1248: Ah thats nice. It’s good that you are responsible for them. You sound like a great parent!
I’m worried some cousins with small kids (one on my side, several on his side) that wouldn’t take responsibility for them if they were acting up and I definitely don’t think there is a way to convey it politely.
Post # 8
@Carlasgettingmarried: You sounds like a great parent as well. I know you said that It is pretty much assumed that children are invited. But out of curiosity, would think this if you got an invite with just you and FI’s name on it and not the kid’s names?
Post # 9
@engleman10513: HAH. Yes we did. We addressed invitations to only those invited and still got RSVPs for them plus kids (but we didn’t even know their kids existed… thanks FI! lol) We had to contact people individually, which was super awkward.
However, when we did contact the parents, they were happy to have a grandparent or whomever to watch their kid, and luckily it wasn’t a big deal, but FI felt super bad even asking. I told him no, we have to stand strong 🙂 (yes, they were all on his side lol)
Post # 10
@loving_life: Ugh! I am dreading that awkward moment. Good for you for staying strong.
Post # 11
I wouldn’t bring my kid to any wedding, even if they were invited.
Also, I disagree with PP who says you have to explicitly state kids aren’t invited. You don’t and it’s rude to point out who is not invited. We had a child free wedding with a few excceptions. And no one brought their kids unless the kid was listed on the invite.
Post # 12
I wouldn’t bring my kids to a wedding, even if they were invited. Weddings are usually long and I don’t feel like a small child would have very much fun. Also, my husband and I wouldn’t have as much fun either because we would have to be watching the kids. Weddings are for adults!
Post # 13
I have never taken my children to a wedding. Frankly, it’s not something that would interest them, nor would I inflict it upon them.
Post # 14
Not a parent but did the no kid thing at my wedding in May. We addressed the invitations to the exact people we were inviting. We also told our parents no children were invited as well as the whole wedding party. With us most people seemed to ask either our mothers or my sister who was my maid of honour if kids were allowed. So they said no for us. I had a couple people ask and just advised that no they weren’t invited.
All of my friends with children seemed to really enjoy the idea of having a night away. Good luck.
Post # 15
I wouldn’t bring children to any wedding unless it listed them on the invitation.
Post # 16
My son is 5. He is exceptionally well behaved and I rarely balk at the thought of him going to social events. However, I’ve never taken him to a wedding. I’ve also never taken him to a funeral-Not that they’re the same thing, haha… but they are both events that are filled with symbolism and formalities. At 5, I don’t think he would really understand the meaning of the events nor would he likely be interested at all. I just don’t see the need to take him at this age.