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If you had always known your boyfriend/fiance's mother as their first name, and you always called them that, if they started telling you to call them Mom...would you?
I've always called my boyfriend/fiance's mom her first name. We had a lot of issues that stemmed from her son and I wanting to get married. She was what you call a mother-in law from hell(there is a website nicknamed that). She can definitely be two faced, manipulative, domineering, overbearing, and etc. At other times she can be nicer and overly friendly.
We didn't get engaged for a long time, but when we did, her meddlesome behaviors still continued.....
We ended up waiting to tell her our *date* and held off on wedding planning for that reason to prevent more meddlesome behavior. The plan worked: when we finally told her our official date she accepted it and was nice about it. Offered to help with centerpieces and the rehearsal dinner and etc. Well now she starts signing her name in emails as Her name...then AKA Mom. I've just ignored that and continued to call her her first name...I wonder if that is rude of me?
However, to me I only have one mom. I don't want to offend my own mom by calling my mother in-law mom. Plus, my fiance's mom is rather young. She's only 16 years older than me....so she's not even really old enough to be my mom. Although things have calmed down with her as far as meddling, I still can feel uncomfortable at times with her. I think I will always feel a little nervous around her. (Back in her meddlesome times it would make me feel sick just entering her house) I do think she is still meddling a little though, like being a bit overbearing with wanting to be involved with the planning process(adding guests and flowergirls, controling decorating, etc.) you can never fully trust her... When her son upsets her, she likes to threaten that i might leave him or ask, "and you want to marry that?"...etc...which i think is disrespectful on her part.
Anyways just curious about how you are addressing your mother in-laws?
So just curious what you all do?
I still call my in-laws by their first names. That won't change anytime soon, because I have a great mom and dad and have no desire to hand anyone else that label in my life.
I'm sorry you have such a strained relationship with your FMIL.
I feel the same way you do - I only have one mother and that's the only person I'd call mom. Plus I kinda feel that it's weird if you're both calling the same parent mom, as if you're brother and sister in a way, you know?
I call my bf's mother (FMIL) by her nickname that everyone (even bf) calls her.
My FSIL calls FI's parents Mom and Dad, but they started dating in HIGH SCHOOL! I started dating FI when I was 32, and he see his parents once a year, at most. It would seem very weird to call them Mom and Dad, and I doubt they would ask me to.
If you aren't comfortable with it, don't make it a big deal. If she asks directly, tell her you aren't comforable with it. If she doesn't ask directly, just let it lie.
If you aren't comfortable calling her mom, then I would would just explain that to her.
If Jim's mom was still alive and wanted me to call her mom, I would and I wouldn't have a problem with it. I don't think it is disrespectful to your mom at all. After all, your fiance's mom is going to be your MOTHER-in-law, and it would be in that context that you would be calling her mom.
My mom died 5 years ago, and I'm really sensitive about calling anyone else "Mom". I will always refer to my FMIL by her first name. If she requests that I call her Mom (which I don't ever envision her doing), I'm 100% comfortable explaining my reason to her.
Nope... I just call them by their first names. It would feel odd to call someone else mom and dad I think.
I haven't really figured out what I'll call her. My future brother-in-law who married into the family alternates between calling them mom/dad and Lisa/Scott (names obviously changed ;). I hope that I can figure it out soon though b/c I kind of feel awkward addressing them. My mother walked out when I was a baby, so I'm not really weirded in that I would call two people mom but it's just weird b/c technically I'm not her daughter and I don't know how she feels about it. I'll probably just call her Lisa.
I love my FMIL but I think it would feel odd calling her mom.
I have never actually met NotFroofy's mother, who lives in Wales (and with whom NotFroofy is not in contact). However, in my first marriage, I loved my MIL. I started out by calling her by her first name. Over time, I gradually began calling her by the pet name that her grandchildren gave her. For me, calling her Mom would have been tough precisely because she was way nicer than my actual mother.
I adore my FMIL but I still won't call her "mom," even if she asked me too. I also won't call FH's grandfather "grandpa" either, and he did ask me to. It makes me uncomfortable.
In my opinion, that is a name of honor and is reserved for my mother only. My dad called my mom's mom "ma," but that gradually and naturally happened over the first years of their relationship/ marriage. And he called her that because that's what she became to him-- not because she asked him to.
I call my FILs Mama and Papa. It's a name that we all gave parents back in high school, and while FH and I didn't date until we were out of hs, it still holds there. However, I do call his grandparents "grandma and grandpa" - but then again, there are several older people in my life (just on my side) that I call grandma/grandpa. It's less of a reserved name for me.
I call my FIL's by their first names, and I agree with the PP's that I already have a mom and a dad so it would be weird to call anyone else those names. But on the other hand, if they asked to be called something else, I'd at least try to come up with something that respected their wishes. I've heard of ppl calling their IL's variations of "mother lastname" or "mama lastname" so maybe I could get used to something like that.
I cant imagine the BF's mom ever asking me to call her mom, but if she did I would feel really uncomfortable. I also only see BF's dad a few times a year and we arent really close so that would be incredible awkward as well.
Nope. I would feel way too awkward. For me, I only have one mom!
I get along great with my mother-in-law but I couldn't do that. I feel like it'd be a slight against my mom. Who I am very close to.
in my mind, i will only ever have one mom and dad and it would be weird to me to call anyone else by that name. my mom's parents both passed away young--both within a few years of my parents' wedding--and my dad's parents pressed her to call them mom and dad after that. she was so uncomfortable and 35 years later, still avoids calling them anything. for this reason she is really sensitive to FI whose mother passed away a few years ago and has said that she wants to be a great MIL to him but never wants to replace his actual mom. he does have a step-mom but his dad re-married when FI was already in college and we both call her by her first name.
No...I would not call her Mom if she asked me too. I'm kind of afraid she will eventually beings all the other spouses of her children do, but I'm not comfortable with it. While she is very nice and we get along, we do not have a "mom/daughter" type of relationship, so calling her mom would just be awkward.
I could never call my FMIL "mom." It's too personal a title for me with so much emotion tied up in it.
i wouldn't call my fiance's mother "mom" or his father "dad." i don't really have a good reason not to, it just seems odd to me and i don't want to (maybe i'm being bratty, haha). my parents call him "son", just to make fun of him though. we both find it amusing.
My parents died over 20 years ago and I am THRILLED to be someone's "kid" again. I call them Mama and Papa!
Nope, I have a mom who I love dearly and respect more than anything, and I don't feel the same way about my FMIL, she will always be called by her first name.
I absolutely love my FMIL but if you don't, continue to call her by her first name, I would. Especially if it makes you feel uncomfortable, if she insists just explain to her what you said to us, that you only have one mom.
I would never call my MIL mom. When we were together 2 years she called herself mom and then took it away when we got engaged and she was all pissy. She is no mom to me so I will never call her that.
You are comfortable with what you are comfortable with...there's nothing wrong with it! If she says something, I would tell her that I'm not comfortable with that.
my MIL sometimes writes that "jane aka mom" but I dont call her mom. I don't think she's insulted just really likes me. I don't think I'll ever call her that.
haha wow, I'm so suprised at all the responses here. I'd never given it any thought, and have always looked forward to calling my FMIL 'mom'. I just figured that when the wedding comes/goes, we unite as one family. I'd be honored to call my FMIL 'mom', not because it diminishes my relationship with my own mom (which I don't think it does), but that it shows she loves and accepts me as her own daughter. But that's just my own 2 cents :)
That being said, I'm thankful to have a fantastic relationship with my FILs, and if it was anything different I may hesitate a bit more. So I can really understand where many of you are coming from!
On things addressed to me and Mr.TKE
from my mom: signed mom
from his mom: signed mom
On things addressed to ME:
from my mom: mom
from his mom: mom Last name (i.e. mom Jones)
On things addressed to Mr.TKE
from my mom: first name (i.e. Jane)
from his name: mom
I call both MIL's by their first names, but my SIL calls one of them (DH's biological Mom) Mom, so I guess I could do that if I wanted. But she has never specifically asked me to.
I call my FILs by their first names but I could imagine a point at which I call them mom and dad and other relatives by their familar title. I think it might just get easier at some point. I don't think it's offensive to anyone's current parents--you aren't subtracting relatives, you're adding them.
I call her by her first name. Simple. And I'm lucky, bc I don't think she would ever ask me to call her mom, the same way my mom wouldn't ask FI to call her mom either.
I call my inlaws by their first names - even that took some getting used to! I could never call them mom and dad. My brother in law never called my parents anything until he and my sister had children and then he started calling them by their grandparent titles - I felt bad no one ever told him to call them anything in particular...!
i call m FMIL mom to my FH but to her face i just call her by her name. She doesnt mind at all. and shes never asked me to call her mom. What it a one time deal, like feel free to call me mom... or is it pushy like I insist you call me mom! Because honestly, my FMIL is incredible.. her and I have dont most of this wedding planning together and I could never say enough nice things about her... however, she is not my mom.. my mom is mom period end of story. But if you dont want to just explain you feel more comfortable calling her by her name and thats it
Holy Crap..for a minute there I thought you were telling my story!! Same exact thing! Two face, nosey...blah blah..I will never call her mom..
Absolutely not. And, quite frankly, I don't get MIL's that request that - from my friends that have not called their MIL's mom and have gotten that request, quite frankly, they have always had issues with them and the MIL's seem to have more issues than normal.
That said - to answer you question - I call my FMIL by her first name. FI calls my mom 'mom', and when I talk to him, I refer to his mom as 'mom'. But I will never call FMIL 'mom'. That title is reserved for one person, in my book. ;) (...and, I LIKE my FMIL, for the most part!)
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