thank you everyone for the responses. I will try to answer them as best as I can
@allyfally: I don’t think he is scum ( obv), I guess I just associated that type of behavior with crummy type of people, and I def dont see my Fiance as that type, so it just made me look at him a little differently
@claireos: we were not together at that time, and he hasn’t really kept ( to my knowledge) anything from me in a way that would be harmful to me i.e. keeping sexual health issues in the dark. It is mostly a ask and tell policy with us, it wasn’t always like that… but with intensive counseling it has helped us overcome a lot of issues not related just to sex
@Missloveknot: I agree, I do not think one incident is the final factor in his character, it just is something that I will have to come to grips with if I want to continue being with him
@Beautiful Bluegrass: thanks for the hugs, even though they’re cyber hugs 🙂 I am glad I am not the only one who has had a SO dip into these types of things. Makes me feel a little better
@MissBoPeep: I agree, maybe it is just skeeving me out a little. I do not like thinking about him having sex with other people, but I can come to grips with girlfriends, casual flings and one night stands. Paying a prostitute? He just seems better than that to me, so it is taking some getting used to
@Bubalou: Yeah, we have had some issues in the past and are on the path to complete honesty when it comes to the intimacy department. So for him to just bring it up out of the blue would be a little weird, I agree. It was in a more controlled counseling environment, and he knew it would upset me because he had initially lied about it so long before.
@eloping: he is a good man, but it has been a work in progress! I am not being mean about him, just honest. Who he was 5 years, 3 years, even 1.5 years ago is not someone I would have been attracted to emotionally.
@EleanorRigby: Thank you for reading the other posts. Yes, our intimacy department has been a rough one, but we have somehow managed to work through a lot. I always feel a little ashamed about making these types of posts, but I do so with the thought that maybe someone out there is going through something similiar and just can’t/won’t say. I admit that I canbe very insecure in my sexuality, and feeling wanted or attractive. That is something I alone have to deal with. My Fiance has his own set of sexual issues, and making those work and being honest is something we have had to learn how to do.
@redheadem: they have. It was not overnight at all. I moved out of our living situation and in with my sister for about 3-4 months and we went to couples counseling through a local church and also a veterans service. It was really rough at first, and there have been some dark times. But, we are still working through some issues such as his PTSD, my ability to find validation outside of a relationship and other things. We postponed the wedding, and have decided that we will take the time and resources and devote them to getting healthy physically and mentally first. Some people wonder why go through the trouble- and it has not been easy to always want to stay with him- but I have faith in us as a couple and as indiviuals that we can do this. Just because we are warped and broken people doesn’t mean we can’t help each other pick up the pieces and love what’s left. So, yes, things have gotten better but are not where they will be in the future. Thank you for taking the time to read my other posts.