Would you change religions for your fiance? Advice needed.

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
692 posts
Busy bee

Hell no. The segregation would be it for me. Nope.

Post # 3
105 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013


Post # 4
1082 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Wow. It is unfortunate that he kept something so important to him secret from you for so long. For me, that in itself could likely be a deal breaker. It would make me question any other values or beliefs that may also be hidden.

I don’t think you should feel pressured into entering a religion that you are not comfortable with given your own values or beliefs. Additionally, it sounds like(?) you are interested in becoming legally married rather than a life partner, so I don’t know that ‘dating’ is the solution you’re looking for long term. 

It sounds like you really need to assess your priorities for your future, any legal implications of not being married and whether you feel comfortable changing or sacrificing your own values or beliefs to adhere to his. 

Post # 5
1491 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

No. And I’ve been on the other side – I’m a devout Christian (not to a segregation anything like your boyfriend’s), and I ended a relationship when the guy did not want to be Christian. I am now happily married to someone who is also a very devout Christian.

When you marry you have to share really strong and similar values, and if this religion matters so much to him but you don’t like it, then it’s not going to work. 

If this religion is a big part of his life, then you AREN’T perfect for each other. You guys have to match when it comes to something this basic. 

Post # 6
4402 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Another no. You can’t convert to a religion you don’t believe in. Sorry–I have been in a similar situation, and I know how hard it is. 

Post # 7
736 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

jubial:  I’m sorry but this sounds sketchy. I’ve never heard about this religion so I just looked it up (which by no means makes me an expert), but they sure do have more “rules” than what you mentioned and I don’t particularly care for some cult having a death grip on me as this “religion” is stated to have on it’s members.

Second, sketchiness aside; you say this guy is very religious yet he managed to hide it from you for this long? Essentially, your entire relationship is based on what he pretended to be, not what he is. The man is clearly a good pretender. Not to mention, he’s done this before. If religion is so important, why does he not date within his denomination? 

This entire thing sounds so out there that if I were you, I would run, not walk, the other direction. There is something majorly wrong here.

Post # 8
3280 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Nope, I definitely would not. But I also wouldn’t marry someone who wasn’t my religion (lutheran, or atleast Christian) so I see both sides. Definitely deal breaker for me, I would move on. 

Post # 9
3331 posts
Sugar bee

No, I wouldn’t- and as someone who is pretty non-religious, I would absolutely not marry someone who was, especially someone who seems so devout. Nothing against people who are, of course, but I just can’t see it working.

I would not marry someone whose values are so far from mine- as someone who is a pretty staunch feminist and very liberal, I could never be with someone who is homophobic, pro life, etc. Imagine marrying him and converting to his religion- you will have to go to the segregated church with him and pretty much grin and bear it. I would also question how he sees gender roles in marriage- if he’s very traditional, is that something you would be able to live with?

I think its pretty crappy of him to hide this from you, especially because he was worried it would turn you off- he misrepresented himself to get you to like him. You said yourself you would have dumped him if you know about this. I would have a HUGE problem with someone who hid that side of themselves from me.

Post # 10
8677 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Absolutely not. And even moreso, I would be **INFURIATED** that he kept it from me. That is a huge dealbreaker for me and I would feel betrayed and I’d equal the big bang in fury.

Post # 11
42101 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

He seems to be a little hypocritical in how he applies his beliefs. Someone of his faith can be excommunicated for having a romantic relationship with a non-believer , not just for marrying one.

Can he tell you how it is ok for him to have a relationship with you and break those teachings of his church?

Post # 12
7664 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

They sound a teeny bit like a cult to me…. A quick search online also indicates to me that they are not even allowed to date outside their faith, either….

That aside, religion is a very personal thing, and is between you and whatever higher power you believe in. IMO, converting to a faith you do not believe in is disrespectful to yourself, other believers, and the higher power.

Also, you should be aware that many proslytising religions encourage their members to deliberately seek out non-believers and encourage them to convert by forming romantic relationships with them. Not necessarily saying that this is happening here, but it is something to be aware of.

Post # 14
710 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I think you should leave him for the sole fact he hid something so important from you for so long. 

Do not change your beliefs for a man, especially one with so little respect for you he seems to be bribing you almost. 

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