Post # 1
I’m an officiant and a very expressive and emotional person. For my own wedding I wrote the entire ceremony and vows, trying to make it non traditional and special for us both. Took my favorite parts from several ceremonies and some excerpts from books I’ve read recently.
Last night FI told me that his first wife had done their ceremony/vows too and that they were very non traditional and obviously that hadn’t worked since their marriage ended 3 months later. He said he felt the normal, traditional vows have worked for centuries so there’s nothing wrong with them.
Now I’m scared that maybe I have written something similar to what his first ceremony was like. I don’t want to bring up those past memories on OUR day and want this to be totally different.
The wedding is less than two weeks away so I could tell the officiant to just go traditional, what do you think? Would you change it or just go with what I have and hope it’s not similar?
Post # 3
Why don’t you show him what you have created and find out what he thinks. See if you can compromise.
Post # 4
I would definitely work together on this. You should talk to him and maybe come up with a mix between the traditional and nontraditional together.
Post # 5
Maybe you could go traditional for the actual exchange of vows part (in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer etc etc) but be more creative with the rest?
Post # 6
My father is a baptist minister and i have witnessed more weddings than i can count. while being origninal and creative is something that alot of brides shoot for, i cant help but agree with your FH in that theres something powerful about those traditional vows that people have said for years before you. it gives extra weight for me to the gravity of the vows itself.
so i am somewhat biased, i would suggest doing what prettyflowers suggested, in having the vows themselves traditional and add in extra personal touches for the rest….
Post # 7
I would show him and maybe you can do the traditional vows with a few changes. We did completely non traditional vows.
Post # 8
Are you against the traditional vows? I wasn’t really, but I still wanted to do something different, but, to be perfectly honest, whenever I quote our vows, I don’t really actually quote OUR vows, I go to the traditional one. I do absolutely LOVE ours, but they just don’t come off the top of my head as easily. Definitely talk to FI
Post # 9
I like the idea of a bit of compromise. Perhaps some non-traditional readings but the traditional vows. Or show him what you have and work together on finding something that is personal and meaningful for both of you.
Post # 10
I would suggest checking out the different Christian (and non-Christian, maybe?) denominations’ books of worship for all different takes on the “traditional” vows – we were looking for fairly traditional vows, but when I went to my seminary’s library, I found that the vows in the different books all sound traditional, and there are similarities, but the exact vows vary quite a bit. If you look at the words used in Catholic, Episcopalian, Presbyterian, Lutheran, Methodist, UCC, etc., you may find a set of traditional vows that you like, or you may be able to combine 2 or more to get the set of traditional-sounding vows that work well for you.
I do feel that there’s power in traditional vows, and those old words that seemed kind of cliche take on new meaning over the course of married life. I cut my thumb cooking yesterday, and ended up in the ER – I’d never really thought much about “in sickness and in health” until WG sat with me for about a million years, waiting for stitches and xrays and whatnot – but now I’m glad we said it!
Post # 11
Thank you ladies! I talked to FI more and it seems he thought I was asking more about how they got married and it was non traditional (they eloped on a boat in the middle of the ocean) but the words he said were pretty much the traditional ones.
FI is Jewish and I am not so I had written in some of the Jewish traditions into the ceremony and just used words very meaninful to me and to how I feel about him. I decided to just keep it as is and I think he will like that they are more “us” than the traditional vows.
This time around our parents will be there and it will be a more traditional wedding and I think that’s the part I think he wanted traditional.