Post # 1
The question of “how long is too long a wait” got me thinking. This is not my own personal situation at all, but I’m just curious what you ladies believe. Let’s say that your SO was open and willing to build a home and start a family, but had made a final decision that he/she would rather not formally wed in his/her lifetime. If you were faced with a choice between staying with your current SO, forever committed but unmarried, or walking out and looking for a relationship in which you could become legally wed, what would you choose?
Post # 3
@izziebear:Marriage. I would not want to have children, build a home and give my very best to a boyfriend. No thanks.
Post # 4
I’d have stayed with DH even if he didn’t want to get married formally. I think that once you’ve found your soul mate, it’s stupid to walk away just because he/she doesn’t want the legal commitment. Just my .02!
Post # 5
It depends on the reason why we couldn’t get married. I’d be willing to “live in sin” as a lot of people think if I love somebody. That said, my Fiance would not.
Post # 6
I would have stayed with DH forever regardless of whether or not we got married. At one point we had even talked about not getting married just because we didnt really feel the need to. I love him, he is my rock and the person who loves, cares for me, supports me, encourages me and understands me the best – I would never give that up.
Post # 7
i would definitely choose marriage. but then I wouldn’t live with my FI before marriage. . so it doesn’t really apply.
Post # 8
@Soladylike: I agree with you. Call me old fashioned, but I don’t think I would be building a life and a family with my man if he wasn’t willing to fully commit. I know a lot of people who have had common law marraiges work, but that just wouldn’t fly with me. I probably would have waited a couple more years if it took FI that long to propose, but I wouldn’t buy a house or have children with someone I wasn’t married to.
Post # 9
I would have stayed with DH whether or not he ever wanted to get formally “married”, but I would hope that he has a good reason for resisting it.
Post # 10
I would not be comfortable having children without being married.
If your significant other says that they would NEVER be willing to be married in their lifetime haven’t they already made the choice of priniciples over you? If someone was so unwilling to compromise for me, I wouldn’t be able to compromise my beliefs on marriage for them.
Post # 11
i would want marriage. i love the mister dearly and would stay with him forever but i want a family and a home and to build a life with someone but i want that someone to be my husband, not my boyfriend.
Post # 12
Might I play devil’s advocate here . . . if he knows marriage means a great deal to you (assuming that it does),he should be willing to bend this much for your relationship if he is interested in something life long with you. Furthermore, marriage does not mean you have to have more than a courthouse wedding.
If you were both against the idea of getting married, then why not.
My own personal feelings reflect what Soladylike posted. I would not want to do the children and the house without the legal commitment. As a matter of fact, I would not live with my boyfriend until he became my fiance and we set a date. Mind you, I am far from old fashioned, but I do not want to play house. I want the vows and the decisiveness in our relationship that I feel marriage should signify.
Post # 13
I would not be willing to share a home or build a family with a man that is not my husband. I need the legal commitment as well as the emotional one. If my FI (or BF) doesn’t understand how important marriage is to me, then he is not the one. If he doesn’t want the full legal commitment I certainly would be sharing property with him legally.
Post # 14
@Moose1209: That’s the way I see it.
I understand that marriage is not important for some people, and I have friends who are happily shacked up with no plans to legally wed. But I have yet to hear a compelling enough reason NOT to marry that I would be willing to compromise on my desire to be married.
I’m not very traditional and not religious at all, but that ultimate declaration of commitment means a lot to me. Not to mention all the legal benefits and protections that I feel I deserve.
If DH had said he would refuse to ever marry me, that would have been a dealbreaker, absolutely.
Post # 15
I choose love.
Leaving someone who is good to you, who truly loves you, for the HOPE of finding someone else as wonderful to marry doesn’t make sense to me.
Post # 16
Totally & completely agree with @stacycats. I don’t even need to say anything else, LoL.