Would you like to upgrade your ring at some point?
If so, how would you bring this up to your husband?
Do you think it would hurt him?
Who would pay for it?
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I ask because I would like to change my setting. My e-ring is very simple and thin (2mm) and I love it, but I feel that a thicker band (4mm) would showcase the diamond more (1.5 carat round). My wedding band is a 5 stone band (4mm thick), so I feel it overpowers my engagement ring. I think a thicker, higher, cathedral-esque setting would draw more attention to my e-ring instead. I also want a platinum setting as my wedding band is platinum.
I'm also thinking of getting a 2 carat moissanite, but am still undecided about this.
I have been married 14ish months, so I feel that it might be too soon to ask for a change, but I've been obsessing about a new setting for quite some time. I'm afraid to bring it up because my husband spent everything he had on my ring and right after buying it he only had $50 left in his account. He really wanted me to have this ring. I am willing to pay for this all on my own.
current setting:
Settings I Like:
What have your experiences been with talking about upgrades and doing them? was your hubby responsive or defensive or supportive?
If I were you, I wouldn't bring it up. Considering he spent almost everything he had on the ring (yikes!), I'm sure it would crush him if you felt it wasn't enough. Maybe revisit this in a few years.
I don't plan on upgrading the ring/diamond that he proposed with. I plan to always have it as a symbol of the proposal. I would ask for more jewelry, though :) I frequently wear my engagement ring on my right hand, so I plan to ask for bands to stack on my left hand for anniversaries...maybe 1 year, 5 year?
I have that first setting (the cathedral) and I love it :) I tried for like 15m just now to post a photo from my phone but no dice. I have a 1ct RB H VVS1 and it is BEAUTIFUL in that setting. My band is a 10-princess cut solitaire half eternity and they're so simple and so pretty together. Great choice!
I wouldn't ask. He searched to pick the ring for you. if it is just because you like it I would get a RHR with a different stone in it. I thought about making my stone bigger, but i thought about it for like 5 min. His feelings are MUCH more important than making your ring "just right". IMO
We've already talked about the possibility. We're young now, and definitely can't afford much. We have talked ability a larger stone further into the future if I want one, but I don't know if I ever would. I'm pretty sentimental so I don't think I'd be able to change my ring!
@Ellegee: oh please please post a pic when you can. from a few angles :)
How thick is your band too? I would LOVE to see a photo on your hand and with your wedding band. thanks!
i voted that it depends.
i loooove my rings and wouldn't trade them for anything, but because of the setting, the diamonds fall out relatively easily. i've had 2 diamonds fall out in about a year's time. i haven't even been wearing my ring for the last month because a diamond fell out and i've been waiting for it to be replaced :(
my husband keeps saying that we can upgrade/change it, but i hate to do that! but if it becomes too much of a nuisance to have it sent in for repairs all the time, i may consider choosing something else so i don't have to be so paranoid about it.
at some point, i would like to get a better quality diamond. DH knows this already... I didn't feel bad saying anything because I am the one who picked it out and we were already sharing money so I kinda paid for it too.
It may not happen... but if it did, it would be 5 year anniversary or later.
My fi is already talking about an uprade. I LOVE my ring, however I went with a very moderate priced ering & wedding band set. [Was about $450 total]. [The e-ring 19 diamonds, almost a carat, and the band is 13 diamonds, about 3/4 carat]. He wanted to get me something much, much bigger. So we will upgrade, but not likely anytime soon.
He spent about 6 months taking me to umptiump jewelry stores in 3 different cities figuring out our exact taste in every aspect, then hunting down just the right the diamond (we met "our" diamond -same exact diamond, GIA number inscribed- in 2 different cities, and between those times, it had visited Hong Kong), and then working with the jeweler to create the setting... he would stay up late at night on worknights, poring over CAD images, tweaking this or that tiny detail.
Needless to say, this ring will have to be pried off my cold dead hand!
Now, right hand rings, on the other hand... (literally!) :D
My husband hates my engagement ring. It causes him real anguish when it is brought up, so we don't talk about it and I advise others to not talk about it. He was not able to propose to me with the ring he wanted because his mother convinced him I would hate it, and then Blue Nile stopped selling it all together.
I love my ring, and I wouldn't upgrade, but I might eventually have to to keep my husband happy and to stop him from berating himself over something so trivial.
However, if my husband had spent literally all he had on my ring, there is absolutely no way I would "upgrade" and if you feel you want to, I think you should pay for it. He proposed, you married him, his end of the deal is now done and finished. Anything extracurricular would be up to you.
My fiancé when he proposed said he was happy to change the ring or get me a bigger stone. I said no as i loved that he had taken the time to choose this ring.
But... When it came to wedding bands I found no straight band fits next to my ring because the prongs get in the way and I hated the curved bands. So we decided to go change my engagement ring. I picked another out with a thicker band, more diamonds in and a matching wedding ring. Slept on it overnight and decided I couldn't do it!! I know, I turned down diamonds?!? Wtf?? So you may find when it comes down to it you're too sentimental to do it? So really think it thought before speaking to him about it.
But I just got too sentimental about it. So I've decided I will deal with the gap. My advice is even though he spent lots of money he won't mind upgrading as he probably wanted you to have the best ring in the shop but couldn't afford it and when you can he will be able to get you the ring he wanted to.Although I would say maybe wait a little longer? Or instead choose a gorgeous eternity band (given after your first child or 5yrs of marriage) so you're adding rather than replacing? Just a thought!
Oh and re the high setting, it does look gorgeous but gets caught on EVERYTHING! Andwary sure to check your wedding band will still sit next to it properly xx
Switching a diamond for a moissanite? I think that's just crazy, IMO.
Ask yourself this, is it the ring that matters to you or the meaning of the ring that matters?
If you want to upgrade, wait until a "milestone anniversary"...say 10 year wedding anniversary...ask for a 3 stone ring, but include a new setting with your e-ring with that? idk, just a suggestion.
@rosworms: +1
I chose my own ring, and, while I love it, I would like a better quality diamond (and a different cut). I can get a similar size/color radiant, round, or cushion for ~$400, but better cut/clarity. However, I have no idea what I would do with the stone that's in there now. I could buy a similar stone and mount them in earrings, maybe? But I don't know where I could get another I1 stone, other than Kay, but they want at least double what Blue Nile wants for a better quality stone.
Buttt I brought it up once and FI wasn't too happy. :\
As for me, I don't have any plan to upgrade my ring.
@vorpalette: You could set it into a pendant for a necklace.
I may stop wearing my wedding set in place of a glorious anniversary band but I don't think I'd ever change the ring if I could help it. If it broke or something then why not.
@lilsweetie: I would bring up changing the setting possibly, but I would definitely not suggest changing the diamond for a moissanite.
1.5 carat diamond = expensive. A 2 carat moissanite is a fraction of the price... and diamond resale value sucks, sooo you'd lose a lot of money and really hurt his pride if you did this, IMO.
As far as you paying for it all yourself... when you're married it's the same pot of money, no? I mean even if you have separate accounts, if you save up for it then that's taking money from you as a couple... that could be used for other things. I am not saying that you shouldn't be allowed to upgrade, but that I don't really get the concept of his/hers $$ when you're married.
That is tough! It would hurt my husband's feelings and he would jokingly bring it up basically for the rest of our lives so it would not be worth it to me. My sister in law upgraded to a 1.75 from a 1.25 like 6 months after their wedding. Her husband just knows she is like that though so didn't care but she regrets it now.
What about asknig for a second band for an anniversary?
If you would like to bring it up, I would bring it up as saying you tried on a friends and it was more comfortable and you liked how it looked on your finger shape. Ask him if it would hurt his feelings if you were to exchange the band, not the diamond for a thicker band.
To be honest my husband was the one who brought it up to me.. We have a goal in our business to hit ( we own our own business) and when we do he told me I can upgrade to whatever I want.. price doesnt matter, so thats our plan.
I actually think that what you have would showcase your e-ring/diamond better than a 4mm band for it. a 4mm ering AND 4 mm wedding band sounds like it would be pretty bulky. And a thicker band for the e-ring i think would draw more attention from the stone. But to answer your question, I dont plan on an upgrade. I've joked about it a few time just to get him riled up and it works, he would not be happy with and upgrade to a bigger diamond or an upgrade to a moissanite. There's no way we're going to spend more on a bigger diamond, and he'd would not be happy with a cheaper moissanite as my new upgrade and very expensive ering sitting in a box. If we wanted a bigger and cheaper moissanite for an e-ring, we would have bought that in the first place.
Is the main reason you don't want to upgrade because you dont' want to hurt his feelings? If he didn't care at all and it wouldn't upset him, would you think differently?
Or is it a personal choice because of your sentimental attachment to the original ering?
@jmaze: @throughthebarricades: I know it sounds crazy choosing Mossanite over diamond, so in that case "upgrade" is the wrong word. I just love love love moissanite and all its properties as a stone in its own right. I love the big look but I don't see the point in spending $$$ on a diamond because of the fact that I love moissanite so much and would love to have one. My diamond is an I1 (we sacrificed quality because I liked a bigger look but now I'm second guessing that choice). I wouldn't sell the diamond. I would just keep it in its orig. setting and I could still wear it and hold it as a keepsake and souvenir.
@rosworms: This is EXACTLY what happened to us. I'm the one who said I was ok with an I1 in the first place, but it depends on what I1 stone - some have inclusions that are not so obvious, but I can notice mine.
@pinkshoes: I hinted and told him how much I loved moissanite before he bought the ring, but he still chose to get diamond.
@lilsweetie: My FI already knows that I will upgrade my diamond in the future. I have a 1-ct solitaire that I simply adore!! But I would like to work my way up to a 2-ct solitaire. It won't be an issue to upgrade. We've already talked about it but he knows that I wouldn't trade my current ring for the world right now. I actually started pouting when he said "we will have to send your entire ring back to the jeweler so we can get the new one made". lol I love my ring that much! But it's a symbol so the new one will mean just the same as my current one.
How will I pay for it? With money in my bank account. We are pretty financially well off (not rich but we do alright). So I will save the money in a special "fund" and just use that for the upgrade. It will probably cost around $3k-$4k to go bigger and get it reset in the 6-prong original tiffany setting that I love so much. But we've also discussed the possibility of him doing it as an anniversary gift to me...so he might pay for it. We'll just wait and see. It's not a priority right now. I just want to marry this beautiful man.
I have always said I want an upgrade at some point down the line. Maybe for a 50th birthday or a 50th wedding anniversary. Who knows. I told him my realistic dream ring (which he surpassed) as well as my dream ring I want before I die. So he is fine with it. We also want to pass my ring down so we hope that when that time comes we can afford my upgrade.
My DH would be hurt and upset if I asked for an upgrade now. He would definitely feel that what he got me wasn't good enough. And after reading that your DH only had $50 left in his account after buying your ering I bet he would feel the same way. I mean he quite literally spent everything he had on it.
@lilsweetie: I would love a bigger diamond if it feel into my lap or I suddenly came into millions. But as our financial plans go, I can't see spending at least 15k money for an upgrade. And even if that happened, it wouldn't be for at least another 10-15 years when we're closer to retirement to see if we've met our retirement goals. So the reasoning is both financial and because it would hurt his feelings. If he'd started me off with a ring he considered small for way cheaper, we would probably both see it differently. Wow, if you wanted a moissanite in teh first place and he got you a diamond, I think it'd be especially tough to bring up a moissanite upgrade. It seems he thinks more highly of a diamond and wanted you to have it.
@lilsweetie: The reason I don't want to upgrade is because the ring FI got me is more than I ever thought I would be lucky enough to be given. It has so much sentimental value as well.
I have no problem with people who want to upgrade because their partner has made it clear that they are okay with it. I answered that you shouldn't upgrade because your FI obviously spent almost all his money on it, so it must be important to him. If he didn't offer an upgrade himself, I wouldn't go for it.
@TaurianDoll: It will probably cost around $3k-$4k to go bigger and get it reset in the 6-prong original tiffany setting that I love so much
Only 3-4k to go from a 1ct to a 2ct?! How is that possible?
@lilsweetie: Good question! I think it is a mix between the two bc I dont want to hurt his feelings but the ring he got me means a lot to me. It is really easy for me to say though bc he picked something that I am in love with without any direction from me. Who knows? If i disliked the ring, maybe I wouldnt be so sentimental after all. lol
@pinkshoes: lol Noooo... to slowly upgrade. I plan to do it in increments! 1 ct to 1.2ish ct.
1.2 to 1.5 ct. THEN yeeears later, 1.5 to 2 ct. Sorry I wasn't clear.
I know that I would have to drop $10k< to get up to a diamond of equal or higher quality than what I have now.
@TaurianDoll: oooh, ok! that makes sense. You had me excited that there was some hidden deal somewhere for a 1-2ct jump for 3-4k that I didn't know about! Are you upgrading and trading your ring in each time at the same place? Sounds like a nice upgrade policy.
my DH did a great job with my e-ring and I'm quite sentimental about it so I wouldn't upgrade.
@lilsweetie: I know it sounds crazy choosing Mossanite over diamond, so in that case "upgrade" is the wrong word. I just love love love moissanite and all its properties as a stone in its own right. I love the big look but I don't see the point in spending $$$ on a diamond because of the fact that I love moissanite so much and would love to have one. My diamond is an I1 (we sacrificed quality because I liked a bigger look but now I'm second guessing that choice). I wouldn't sell the diamond. I would just keep it in its orig. setting and I could still wear it and hold it as a keepsake and souvenir.
Fair enough that you prefer moissanite, but you do have a 1.5 carat diamond now. I just think that you'll break his heart if you tell him. Even a I1 couldn't have been cheap, right?
Sorry but if I spent all my money buying you a ring that I thought you liked, and then you told me you want something entirely different not even 2 years after I gave it to you, I would feel like it was a kick in the nuts... I would be sooo upset. I'm all for having what you want, but this situation is just iffy to me.. like you had a hand in selecting the original ring, right?
I'd buy a moissanite as a RH ring and keep your engagement ring as is if just changing the setting doesn't appeal to you.
@pinkshoes: Yes. My FI worked with a family friend who is a retired jewler. He only works with family friends and people in his circle and can get diamonds from a wholesaler (Stellar - the one who sells to Kay, Jared, etc) without the mark up. I will send it to him each time to reset.
So most of the money will go towards the diamond and less towards mark up.
I voted "depends" but if I could have "other", I'd vote for that. DH picked a simple, knife-edged gold setting and told me that the only thing that matters to him is the diamond. He told me if I wanted to change the setting, I could go ahead and do so.
I love the size of a 2-3 carat diamond on myself, but I never expected or asked for one because it's just not in the budget. DH knew I wanted a diamond and bought me one that's just barely over a carat, which is larger than I expected, honestly. I don't have the new ring/have not seen it yet so I'm not sure if I want to upgrade in the future. DH mentioned that WhiteFlash has a good upgrading policy, but he also followed that up by saying "when you see the diamond, you probably won't even want to upgrade". I think I agree, 1 carat is already a great size, he personally chose it for me, and I am pretty sentimental, so I probably won't want to change the stone. I want a honking Amora Gem right hand ring someday, I think that will satisfy my sparkle urges :).
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