Post # 1
There are a few underlying issues that have recently come up in my and FI’s relationship. It’s 99% related to step-parenting, dealing with the ex, and our new baby and how all of that comes together.
I’m considering asking FI if he’d go to counseling with me…just a few sessions to clarify feelings and where to go with them and how to handle everything on our plate. I’m sort of worried he’s going to think that I’m second-guessing our marriage or something. But really it’s the opposite — I want to make sure we have this stuff nailed down before they become problems. I feel like there are a lot of things in our life that will eventually lead to resentfulness if we don’t take care of them now. We’re the type that never argue so it’s almost like we don’t know how to, when we actually have to.
I think talking to someone else would help us open up communication when we feel a little jaded/resentful.
Have you gone to counseling with your FI? Or would you without having specific “problems”?
Post # 3
My fiancÃ© and I will be attending pre-marital counseling. The current divorce rate is so scary and we think it’s important to start the marriage with every advantage we can.
Post # 4
I am the biggest pro-councelling women ever! My FI(boyfriend at the time) and I were getting ready to break up. We had a new baby, we just started living together and we are very different people. We decided to try and selvage our relationship and went to a couples therapist. I kid you not, after 4 sessions he said we were good to go and we didnt need to come back unless something comes up. Our biggest problem was communication. We didnt have any. About 6 months after that, we got engaged and we have a very strong relationship. Also, I have been in another relationship and there were 2 kids from his previous relationship and the ex wanted to beat me up(seriously), so I know the stresses being a step parent, which is more the reason to go.
If your not sure how to word it with him, just say that you think they should go talk to someone that will give you the tools to better get through your day to day issues. I very highly reccomend it. Also, it is not uncommon for you to have to try out a couple therapists to make sure they are a good fit for you. If you arent comfortable with the first one you see, find another one. We currently are not having any issues but we are going to see him again before the wedding. Just to make sure we are still on the same page. I found that my FI had a lot of feelings I didnt know about and vice versa. Go for it. You have nothing to lose by talking. Sorry this became a little long winded.
Post # 5
I think it is a super mature decision to go to counseling. No matter how much you and your FI love each other, life is stressful and finding ways to be able to deal with any issue is a testament to your devotion to the success of your relationship.
Post # 6
My brother and his wife did it, and they both say that they learned a lot and really grew from the experience. My FH and I plan on going too, just another one of those things on my ‘To Do’ list 😉 I think that you are making the right choice!
Post # 7
heh. i’m the lone “yes, but it didn’t help much”! we had to do it in order to get married in the church, but after going through it with open minds and hearts, ready to learn we didn’t really get much out of it. we’re not a passive-aggressive couple, so if there’s an issue we immediately tackle it and get it out of the way! the counselling we went to seemed more geared towards people in la-la land. still, i would suggest it to everyone just in case there are issues. while we didn’t have any red flags come up, it was still nice to have that confirmation that we’re on the same page and get some additional communication tips.
Post # 8
We are doing this right now. I actually suggested it to FI and he was a bit on the fence about it since he didn’t think we needed. We’ve been going for about 2 months now and the other night he told me he’s glad I suggested it. He thinks it’s really helping our relationship. Now unfortunately, I think I’m a bit on the fence about it, but that could be because I am just not connecting with this particular counselor.
I think you should deff bring it up to your FI though.
Post # 9
Absolutely. How can it hurt to take proactive steps to enchance your communication skills. Go for it. I think of therapy and counseling in the same vein as other medicial preventative meausres. I go for my physicials, gyno, dental and mental health check ups.
Post # 10
We did two sessions with a marriage counselor when we were engaged. It can’t hurt!
Post # 11
YES! I think premarital counseling just be held to a very high accord.
It will open up communication in places that most don’t really ever consider. In fact I’ve known people that did a pre-marital “worksheets” before ever even getting seriously involved… knowing that if someone doesn’t have the same values about the things that make up a marriage then they should probably look else where before someone gets to involved and now heartbreak is involved.
DH and I used the book Preparing for Marriage. Even if you are not “religious” the frist 2 worksheets are GREAT tools for covering the “why we are the way we are” with things we experienced growing up, family structure, etc and the 2nd being “Great Expectations” who does what and so forth.
Post # 12
I definitely think you should talk to FI about it… at least to find out what he thinks of counseling. I’ve found that people either have a positive or negative reaction to it – sometimes based on preconceived notions – others because of a bad experience.
I have a friend who has been doing counseling their entire marriage (not for anything specific, but just to work through communication, etc.).
We did some as a requirement from our pastor – and it was interesting/helpful.
I think it’s really wise for you to seek this out – to work on issues you see as potential problems – before they get out of hand. I really hope your FI is open to it, because it can only be a good thing!
Post # 13
I think what you are saying makes sense. We haven’t, and we probably won’t, but in your situation, it sounds like a good option.
Post # 14
OH OH… that book deals with those things too! you should really check it out… you two may be able to go through it yourselves and save LOTSA money 😉
Post # 15
It can’t hurt and since you have some issues you’d like to bring up I think it would be beneficial. We had to do counselling and it wasn’t super useful but it was nice.
Post # 16
We went to counseling without having “problems.” We just wanted to learn to communicate effectively. The counselor also helped us talk about our expectations. We got to talk about why we love each other and things that annoy us about each other and how to deal with it. It was nice getting everything out in the open. I recommend it.