Post # 1
I’ve always wondered about this and gotten mixed reactions.
TMI–but thank goodness everyone on this board is anonymous.
With my past boyfriends, all have been understanding about my reluctance to have sex. In my opinion, I haven’t quite found the one guy, I want to spend the rest of my life with. (I don’t have a bf now by the way) (yes, I’m still a virgin–and 33, at that..which reading some posts, makes me feel really old to still be a virgin!)
So while nothing has gone through the “door”, I have done things “around” it…
(oh and the “wedding date” I have up there–just a dream date…)
Post # 3
I think it depends on what you are personally comfortable with. If you are uncomfortable with it, don’t do it.
I know people who have had intercourse but were reluctant to have oral sex b/c they considered it more intimate/personal. But it just depends on how you feel.
Post # 4
People on here often are more likely to answer intimacy questions if you put up a poll so then they don’t have to respond by name.
I wouldn’t consider oral sex and sex to be on the same level. When I think of what the biggest possible consequence is – both can result in STDs, which can have horrible consequences but only one can result in a baby (protection isn’t always perfect) and in my mind the creation of a new life that didn’t ask to be created is a much bigger deal and thus sex is on a whole different level.
We were pretty open about sex talks in college and I have to say I only met one person who found it to be the opposiite with oral being more intimate though a couple people thought they were about the same level.
Post # 5
I think it’s on the same level. It’s just as intimate, it can still give you an STD. But “sex” can be defined in so many different ways. As a society anyways we have “penetrative sex”, “oral sex”, “anal sex”. They’re all under the same basic header as “sex”. But it’s very much in the eye of the beholder.
Post # 6
For us, it’s not the same. J and I have both had oral sex (and had before this relationship), but neither of us has had vaginal intercourse. We’re waiting for the honeymoon for that one. 🙂
Post # 7
haha i dunno, being so up close and personal with someone’s genitals seems pretty intimate to me!
Post # 8
I agree, it’s very intimate, but I think intercourse is more intimate. I did kind of the same as the OP. FI and I…only used hands for the first 3 years of our relationship, then had only oral sex for 2 years, then had intercourse for the first time (both age 24), then got engaged!
Post # 9
I think it is actually more intimate than sex, to have ur mouth in someone’s private parts (crotch) sounds pretty intense to me. plus u can get some STDs that way.
Post # 10
I’m sory of mixed – I do feel there’s something more intimate about oral, but a lot of that depends on context too. There can be consequences that come with both, of course. Overall, I personally feel that intercourse is a “deeper” level than oral. (Pun intended. )
Post # 11
I am on the opposite fence as some. I actually find oral sex more intimate than intercourse.
When you have intercourse, you are both involved at the same level. With oral sex, the person receiving is in a vulnerable position and sort of at the mercy or in control of the other person, to a certain degree.
Post # 12
I think oral sex is just as intimate, if not more than vaginal intercourse … so I think that “waiting” for intercourse and experimenting with oral sex is kind of silly …
Post # 13
Both are a huge deal to me. Sometimes it sort of bothers me that even though DH wasn’t sexually active in terms of intercourse before me, it bothers me that he thinks other things he did weren’t a big deal. I don’t hold the acts against him, but in my opinion, they are pretty much on the same level. Both pretty much put someone at the mercy of the other and are private behaviors in private areas of the body (or should be lol). I tried asking him if he would feel the same if it were our (future) children doing this stuff, and I think he sort of got it then but not completely. Both hold a lot of weight, but I do think it might be a little easier to be pressured into other sexual acts that aren’t actual intercourse. I don’t think people are given enough information about it.
Post # 14
I think they are on a par. Same result for him either way. I definitely prefer vaginal intercourse from him – either he hasn’t figured out how oral is supposed to work, or I just don’t like it. For me, it takes more trust to perform oral on him. Never had a bad time during intercourse, but oral sex… Urrrrgh. Took him a while to learn to NOT deep-throat me in the heat of passion.
Post # 15
IMO 69 is def. pretty close to the same level of intimacy as intercourse, if not at it. Only one person being serviced makes oral sex get knocked down a level. Both forms of sex are equally awesome.
Post # 16
I believe they are both on the same level. Both as intimate in different ways, both as good, both as satisfying, and my FI knows exactly what to do to make me happy with Oral alone (sorry if TMI). I love Oral with my FI just as much as I do the other. To me, doing Oral while claiming to remain a virgin until married is a little hypocritical. BUT THAT IS MY BELEIF and I am sure others would not agree.