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I converted to the Catholic church because I wanted to be married in it with my husband, who was also Catholic. Here is my story: I was born Episcopalian, but started going to Catholic church when I was a kid with my family and continued as I got older. I joined the Catholic church about 7 months before getting married (last Easter), specifically because I wanted to do it before marriage so I could get married in the church. My husband is also an adult convert to Catholicism (he had converted before he knew me). I would say that I didn't convert for him but I probably converted because of him (as in, if I hadn't known him, there would have been no catalyst for me to do it right then, but I was already well along the path to converting by the time I met him). It was important to me that we share the same faith values and that someday when we have kids we will not have to try to raise them in two different churches. There have been some bumps in the road but alll in all I am glad that I did it.
Some of the biggest bumps were from my family, who were bewildered at what I was doing. I will never forget a conversation I had with my mother while I was visiting my parents at home. I remarked that I had bought a lot of grey clothes lately (I like grey!). My mom said, "What, are you going to become a nun?!" I said, "No, I just like neutrals! I am getting married, not joining a convent!" She continued to get onto me about it, and finally I said, "Mom, is becoming a nun really the worst thing that could happen to me? The worst thing is that I would go dedicate my life to helping the less fortunate? Because really, I would be much more worried if I came home and said I was going to be a drug dealer or go drink the kool-aid." She calmed down after that, and they have all seen that I am still the same person. Thankfully it's not a big deal anymore.
What about you? If you and your fiance/husband are of different faiths, would you convert to another religion for your marriage? If you have or are doing so, how has the process been for you?
I was raised Catholic and my husband was raised Presbyterian. While I do consider myself Catholic, I do have some problems with the Church (namely treatment of women and gays). If it had been important to my husband, I would have been willing to be married in a Presby church.
I could see myself switching to certain other Christian churches, but I can't see myself converting to something very different- ie Judaism, Islam, etc. While I'm not super religious or observant, having grown up believing the stuff in the Old and New Testaments, I can't imagine just ceasing to believe in them and/or worshipping a different diety.
It's not an issue for us because neither of us are religious at all.
But on the subject, my answer is no, I wouldn't convert (in this case, take up someone else's religion) for a relationship. I don't believe in god and do not want my future children raised in a religion. If, when they're old enough to make the choice, they choose to involve themselves in one, that's fine with me, but I won't force them into it. I was raised Catholic and never believed in any of it, and I hated being told that I had to go to church anyway. I just don't want to do that to my kids.
It would have been a huge deal for us if we were of different faiths or beliefs. It was definitely the biggest deal when we were dating and starting to get serious. Our faith was extremely important to each of us well before we knew eachother, so it was a perfect transition to sharing that with eachother.
Thankfully, we attended the same church while we were in school together, which is kind of how we met.
I think it is vital for us as a couple to be on the same page in our Christian faith, especially because my FH is going to become a pastor and he will need my support and understanding. I can't imagine having to convert to marry him, or being on different pages altogether in our marriage and parenthood. We also think it is extremely important to work together to raise our kids, and that they hear the same message from mom and dad--no confusion (from our end, anyway)
Part of what I think makes the process easier or more understandable or doable is not having far to go in the first place. I would also be wary of making a diametric change for a relationship (like going from believing in no God to believing in a particular God, like ChaiAnkh alluded to), at least not before some long consideration. But from one Christian denomination to another can be much less far to go (depending on the denomination), for example.
How appropriate.. FI and I just had a fight about this last week. FI just converted to Caholiicism (He was taking RCIA classes when I met him). I was raised in a nondemonitional Baptist offshoot and am now fairly unreligious (even a doubting Thomas on bad days). When FI proposed there was no question in either of our minds that we would marry in the Catholic church. It is not my first choice but it would be so selfish for me to fight him on it since religion is so important to him.
We haven't talked to the church to set things up yet because his Priest was going through Chemo and radiation therapy for cancer. Fi wasn't sure what the process would entail but was dead set that we would have mass during the ceremony. This is usually only allowed for couples whom are both Catholic so he was trying to subtly get me to volunteer to join if necessary.. which made me feel guilty for not wanting too. Not a good situation really.
Well, when FI finally called the church to get the necessary paperwork on Ash Wednesday he found out his Priest had passed away that morning. In the meantime though we have heard from some of the heads of the church that, barring a change made by whatever new priest we get, his church does allow mass during the service. They're criteria is that I have been baptised in another Christian church, which I have (of course I would still not be able to take mass but he could).
Both my FI and I were raised/baptized Catholic so religion is never an issue for us. interesting topic though because if he was a different religion i wouldn't convert..i would ask him to convert and if we have kids they would be raised Catholic no question.
Fi was born and raised Catholic. I was raised in a non-denominational church, but completed my conversion to Catholicism last Easter. My story is pretty similar to chelseamornings's. I didn't convert for him but I converted because of him. Well, that and the fact that I went to private Catholic college. 
Honestly, I had been pretty distant from my faith for years. Going to a Catholic college and then starting a relationship with a believeing Catholic opened my eyes to new possilbities. I realized that I would feel more fulfilled spiritually in Catholicism than I would be in a non-denominational church. It was also important to me that we get married and raise our kids in the same church. My family was a little surprised at first, but they accepted my decision once they saw how dedicated I am.
Most of all, though, I appreciate my Fi's support of my decision. We have had countless discussions about the theology, philosophy, and practice of Catholicism. When I converted he was my sponsor, and he repeatedly told me he supported me in converting but didn't want my only reason for converting to be him. He was also open to getting married and raising our kids in other churches. It was my decision, and I feel lucky that he didn't pressure me one way or the other about it.
I was raised "socially Christian," ie, we celebrated the Christian holidays, but the emphasis was not on the religious part of it. I continue to do that now. If someone asked, I'd probably say agnostic.
I'd convert to some religions, but not others, and it would always be with the caveat that we also celebrated the Christian holidays. I'd be happy to celebrate the new holidays as well, and we'd raise our children with the understanding that there are different faiths and that they should choose for themselves that which they feel most strongly connected with.
The exception, though, is that I'd only convert to a socially progressive religion. So no orthodox Judiasm, no Catholocism, no conservative Islam, etc. Unfortunately, that doesn't leave a lot.
My sister always said she wanted to marry a Jewish guy, because that way she could always celebrate Christmas with her family. :)
Both my FI and I are atheists, so it's no big deal. I did tell him it'd be a deal breaker for me if he found religion though. Fortunately it's unlikely!
(No offense to you religious folks - but it's a little too awkward to be married to somebody who believes in god when you don't. Friends at least you don't really have to talk about it in any great detail.)
I wouldn't, but that's probably because I can't imagine being married to someone who was religious. I'm agnostic, but even if I believed more strongly in a higher being, I don't like organized religion and wouldn't belong to one (although I used to be part of the Presbyterian church when I was a kid, so I do have that as a frame of reference). FI is an athiest, though, so no trouble there. Our kids will be raised with the knowledge that there are many religions out there, but it will be up to them whether to believe in anything, and if so, what they believe.
i would say i'm loosely buddhist but am not really practicing outside of my family. however, FI is christian. Although i do attend service with him (since he asks me to) i have no intention of converting at all. I think this is a touchy subject since he is very religious and i'm not so much. But still, i don't want to convert to something i don't whole heartedly believe in.
I'm agnostic and have never been happier. The FI isn't religious at all, but I have been in previous relationships where the guy was super catholic and wanted me to convert. I don't care how much I love someone, I would never do it- I don't want anything to do with an organized religion and that negative is just as important as the positive of love. They just cancel each other out so there is no real point in me converting...ever.
I didn't have to deal with conversion, but I think religion is a big deal. If two people aren't on the same page there can be a lot of strain. And if one person converts, which is fine, there's the possibility of family issues. (Sigh.) It wouldn't work for me either if my husband was a nonpracticing something, kind of believed but... We have kids. I can't do it all myself. It's hard if you're trying to teach the kids they have to go to church Sunday mornings, when they see dad (or mom) sleeping in and lounging about.
I just had to share a story about my FIs best friend, he converted from Catholicism to Islam! He had to if he wanted to marry his wife. Its interesting though because his wife is not very involved in her Muslim religion, but her parents wouldn't let him marry her unless he converted. He said he didn't care about converting because he isn't a practicing Catholic, but when he told us he was converting it was still a shocker!
We both go to the same church, so it's not a big deal for us. But my MOH has been dating a guy who is quite adamant about how much he dislikes Christians, Christianity, and anything God-related in general, and since she is a Christian and very involved in church, we're wondering how that's going to pan out...
I "converted" when I got married and I regret it. If your heart isn't in it- don't do it.
I guess it depends how much "converting" we are talking. Christian to jewish or buddist NO. I couldn't do it. I would be doing it as a lie I think. SOmething within the Christian denominations, maybe. I'd have to look into it. I don't know if I could become Catholic simply b/c i don't agree with some of the practices...sorry, i don't want to offend anyone, but I don't like anything too strict or rigid and my personal social beliefs clash heavily. I'm too liberal =]
I'm a non-denominational Christian though and my FI is technically Baptist. But....it's all the same to me kind of.
If your heart is in it, yes...but i don't think i could do it "just for him"
While I am Catholic fi was raised Sikh but doesn't actively practice. It was never a question in my mind that we would be married in a Catholic Church. It was his choice not to go a Sikh ceremony although it seems they would not have allowed one anyway.
I think that if a significant other is interested in the other persons religion and is converting for their own reasons that is great that they have found that. Like Mrs. Hot Coco, it seems like she converted for her own reasons and was interested before Mr. HC came into the picture. I am sure things might be easier if fi and I were both the same religion but we wouldn't be the same couple then,
I am who I am. My relationship with my Creator is personal and intimate..just as my relationship with T is. Luckily we're both of the same denomination.
I would never give up the state of my soul for a man. Nope. And while I'd probably marry whoever I truly loved, I would not go against my soul. If he were a different denomination or faith (which would be difficult) I would hope he would respect my choice to honor MY OWN faith for that would be loving.
Just lucky this didn't happen to me. I'm glad we are of the same faith. But I am who I am. No chainging. I respect T for who he is, and his soul is. I wouldn't attempt to change somebody I loved .
i was raised catholic and my partner is greek orthodox. i wont do a greek wedding (to satisfy his mother) without a catholic one and he doesnt want to do either as a structured religion isnt important to him, hence why we are eloping and havinig a civil service
but he agrees, our children will be raised as catholics as it means more to me than him
What an interesting question.
I think the real question for ME is could I marry someone who was deeply dedicated to any organized religion. I'd say probably not. Because I don't share that system of thought - for any religion.
That said, I was raised Catholic and have no problem with going through the motions for the benifit of others - in this case, my parents who like me to attend mass with them every so often. I'd be hard pressed to go through a whole conversion process for something I don't actually believe in, but I would have no problem contributing to the community for a church that I think does good, nobel work (and keeping my opinion to myself of course).
This, of course, is not to offend anyone. While I don't believe in institutionalized religion I DO believe in your right to have your church and love it and do your thing. So no judgement here, do what works for you!
Im catholic and FH is christian.
We have talked about religion. And he knows I will not convert. We will be getting married by his church. The reason for this is that the wedding will take place in his hometown.
Neither of us are very religious but he was raised Catholic. Our argument (unresolved) remains about whether or not we would baptize our children. I don't want to, he does. I keep asking why he wants it and he states it's because of family tradition. It's hard for me to wrap my head around the fact that he wants me to essentially give my child over to God because "everyone else in my family" did.
I was born and raised a Catholic, my mom is deeply religious so it was always around us, I went to catholic school, I actually love my faith and I love being Catholic for me it's the true religion (ok, now this is where it becomes inflammatory), it has always stayed true to its teachings from the beginning of time not like other religions where they change it to suit their personal tastse, I love going to mass, I love to pray, it's a deeply personal thing, it's always hard to talk about religion at the risk of offending others who have different opinions but since this is a website it doesn't matter
that's just my opinion, I have been dating non-practicing Catholics, Christians, but for the first time I dated my FI I was really happy to know he's Catholic and goes to church every Sunday like I do, needless to say we're going to have a Catholic ceremony with mass in a big ol church, I love my religion, it's always been there for me it gets me through tough times
I would never convert
No. I never could've dated someone who was so religious he'd expect his wife to share the same beliefs, let alone actually get to the point of engagement. I probably would not have married someone religious anyway, regardless of whether it was somone who would expect me to convert or not. Religion (or rather, a lack thereof) was an important issue I felt we needed to share the same view on, especially if we were going to raise children together. So yeah, that's a big huge no for me. My husband and I are pretty much agnostic.
for me, my religion has shaped a lot of my beliefs about how relationships ought to work... my ideas about love & what it means to love, forgiveness, etc., are all based on my understanding of Christianity, and i don't think i could marry someone who didn't share those beliefs & understandings.
i think that if i weren't preparing to be ordained in a particular denomination, i wouldn't mind changing denominations. but i have a hard time imagining a functional relationship with someone who didn't share some of my christian beliefs.
FI "converted" from presbyterian to ucc because it's the denomination in which i'm pursuing ordination. we don't agree about everything religious (we have different theologies about the crucifixion, for instance), but i think that we share understandings about forgiveness, love, and grace that shape our relationship and our ideals. we also definitely share ideas about "stewardship" - managing your resources (money, time, talents, etc.) as a responsibility to God, and if just one of us were thinking that way, i think that would be a big problem.
so i guess maybe i would "convert" to a different christian denomination given the right circumstances... but i think that different faiths *do* inculcate different ideas about relationships, so i don't know if i could've even gotten to the point of getting engaged to someone with a very different faith than mine.
@ eloping - I am also Catholic and my FI is Greek Orthodox.
Religion hasn't been a huge issue for us since the beliefs are virtually identical and since neither of us actively practice our religions. I'm not willing to convert, but I am considering having an Orthodox wedding because some of the symbolism in the ceremony is so beautiful. I have gone to Orthodox mass with my FI and he plans to come to Catholic mass with me; we have agreed that our children may attend both.
I was raised Christian, but we will have a Hindu ceremony, and although I'm not sure if you can really "convert" to Hinduism, you just kind of practice it, which is what I'm planning to do. I think when we have kids I will tell them Bible stories as moral lessons, and teach them to appreciate all religions, but practice Hinduism, as it is very important to his family.
It depends, I don't know enough about any religion to say whether I do or do not believe in it. I wasn't raised with one as my parents want us to be able to choose for ourselves when we were old enough. My fiance was raised Catholic as a child but is not religious - he has never even mentioned church while we have been dating, in fact I probably didn't even know he was 'Catholic' until years into our relationship! Religion won't be an issue for us at all but if it was there would need to be a lot of research and I could never support something I don't agree with. But if it was important enough for my fiance I would look into it.
I was raised Catholic but it was a really terrible experience for me through my whole life. I always loved the sort of heavy pace of Mass and sacraments and stuff, but for me personally, it was a miserable fit and I always really wanted a church/religion that felt more joyful/loving I guess. My FI is Lutheran and I started going to church with him & it's been a really great experience. We're getting married in a Lutheran church (it was really important to him) and I'm totally fine with baptizing/raising the kids in that faith. So I guess I'm sort of converting, but I never thought of it that way - I thought of it more as finally finding a church I really felt at home in.
I grew up in a conservative Presbyterian church, and although obviously my parents had a lot to do with my teaching, I had come to some pretty strong conclusions on my own by the time I met my husband. It was really important to me that not only would he more-or-less agree with my views on theology/religion, but that he STRENGTHEN them as well. If I can be cheesy for a moment, God definitely brought me the right man because not only did he grow up in the same denomination, his dad was a pastor for a while and he is SUPER knowledgable about so much more than I had ever hoped for. This morning when I was getting ready for work I was talking to him about the afterlife and salvation and all this heavy stuff (with a toothbrush in my mouth, no less!) and I just realized how happy I was that I am able to do that with him... not only does he back me up, but he's able to sharpen my understanding.
So I suppose no, I wouldn't convert, but I have been changing and growing here and there as my husband and I talk more about theology.
I grew up Catholic, but had Jewish family members as well. To me, I think the most important part of a religious tradition is to provide ritual, an early moral framework and social support. For that reason, it doesn't really matter to me if we choose to do that as a part of Judiasm, Catholicism or some other religion... as long as it provides that same stability for our children as it did for me growing up. (I loved growing up Catholic!)
Fiance on the other hand is *very* agnostic... so we'll probably have to impart ritual, social support and the moral framework in other ways.
I voted other because the word "convert" seems to have a negative connotation of leaving something completely behind.
I'm willing to be open to new ways of thinking, to influence each other and challenge my beliefs. I'd be willing to incorporate some of his beliefs or even enter the organized religion if it were important and I was convinced of it.
In the end, though, we're both what some of you are calling "socially Christian" and this will probably come up more when we have children. If he wants them to be Catholic, I might be okay with that.
I voted no, because we are of the same religion, sort of. He was raised Episcopalian but admits that he didn't really attend church very much and wasn't really taught too much about his religion. I was raised in the United Church of Christ by a super-religious and strict mother and was really involved until I left home. We are going to get married in my church because it's not such a big deal to him. And when we go to church, we go to mine. He respects my beliefs and my family's traditions but I wouldn't say he's a convert.
@mary-alice-me: I am so interested by the reasons why you chose "other." I loved your description of being open to new ways of thinking and challenging your beliefs but not leaving everything you know in the dust. That is just what I meant when I imagined the process of conversion, but you managed to state it without the negative connotations of "conversion." Well said!
I think "convert" implies to become something you aren't, and we struggle with the connotation of changing for someone else, not necessarily for our own reasons. I think that's why the whole "conversion" thing rubs some people the wrong way.
For me, my faith is so central to my life that I can't imagine dating someone who didn't share it, much less marrying them. That doesn't mean we agree on all the little theological details, but at least the main ones (we're both Christians)
I was raised Unitarian (yes, that's wierd, I know, but I love my faith). My fiancee was rasied culturally Jewish, although his family does not practice beyond the high holidays. But as much as we like to joke that my man, a doctor, thinks science is his God, there's no denying it--the boy's a Jew.
And I think that's a wonderful thing. Even if he doesn't practice religiously, he has a weath of cultural heritage that I lack (as my WASP-y self). I have joked with many of my friends that I'm going to be more Jewish than him, and I fully expect to be observing major holidays and raising our children (when we have them) with a knowledge of their cultural heritage. So, I think that probably means I'll be converting down the road.
It's a beautiful religion, and the more I know about it the more I think I might find a way to worship within it. I think that religion, especially in terms of a family's traditions, is hugely important, even while I believe that people can and should worship however they see fit.
I guess we'll just have to see what happens down the road.
I voted no because I won't. This topic has caused a couple arguements in my relationship. I am not catholic but his mom's side of the family is. He only goes with his mom like 1 a year. I do not want to be married in a church and he says his family won't support our marrage if it isn't in a catholic church. I am not going to budge on this topic. I am more spiritual than him and have attended many services of other denominations including catholic, but I don't feel like any organized religion should act like they know everything. I love the church I was raised in, it was pentacostal like i think, but I want to be married outside- God created it, it is beautiful-and no family member will be offended or uncomfortable with the type of service we want. I don't want a catholic wedding because I will not be able to take communion (not converting) and I am not into the guidelines. It is a whole issue to be dealt with when I get the ring (he has it, just waiting to suprise me!) and we can seriously talk about it again. Sorry, this got carried away into a vent session!
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