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My FI and I are in this same boat. I am Catholic and he is AME. I am very fortunate to say that although we are two different religions we share the same values and beliefs. We both agreed we are followers of Christ and therefore have no pressure for either one of us to convert.
He actually tells me the fact I go to church faithfully was one of the things he found most attractive about me.
I guess I would say my fiance and I are both agnostic. He was raised Catholic, but does not have positive feelings about that church. I was raised vaguely Quaker -- a faith for which I feel nothing but respect -- but am not interested in making any type of organized spirituality a part of my life.
Personally, I would not be able to convert for someone. I think it would be easier to convert from one type of faith to another than to convert from nothing. It's just far of a leap for me.
But I would not have a problem dating or marrying someone who is religious -- of any religion -- as long as they were completely accepting and respectful of my decision not to practice any religion. I would not be happy if my partner felt the need to ask me to convert or thought my life was less rich than his, because of my lack of faith.
I have several friends who have converted or whose wives/husbands converted before and after they married. So far all are happy with their decisions. But I think it is something that has to be undertaken slowly and with a great deal of thought. I would never condone someone going through the motions just to please their partner or their partner's family.
No, I will not be converting. This isn't a problem since my fiance and I aren't religious people. His family is religous, but not too pushy. I'm a little worried once we have kids though. I will probably allow them to go to church with his parents once and a while, but I think that each individual person should be allowed to find their own beliefs.
I began going to a Catholic Church with my FI and haven't been this happy with a church since my childhood experiences in a beautifully run Methodist church (of which I have identified myself as). The methodist church kind of fell apart when the ambitious and lively preacher left and an older...may I say boring...preacher came. Prior to meeting my FI, I had a horrible...dare I say ignorant...view of Catholics thanks to history books and media reports. I'm so glad that I remained open minded enough to join FI at his church in December and haven't missed but a few services since. This church prays every day for world peace, minimizing our uses of natural resources, strength and guidance for our president, safety for our troops and many more ideals that I cherish. Though I disagree with a few of the common beliefs in the Catholic Church (gays and women as mentioned above), this particular church does a wonderful job of embracing us all.
Due to this, I will be converting to Catholicism this upcoming Easter. I have never felt more religious nor closer to God as I do when I am in this church. So, I guess you could say it was more the way of the church itself that has convinced me in converting than FI. Though, I wouldn't have found it if not for FI.
Though I must say that I wouldn't convert if my FI was not within a Christian religion. I would stay a Methodist, while respecting his beliefs. Honestly, I think it would be a very big strain on a relationship if you didn't have at least similar religions, especially if one of you is more religious than the other. I work with many older women, some of which are divorced. In these situations, I have met many women who married men from a vastly different religion and the relationship ultimately didn't work due to religious restraints. I haven't heard of a relationship working when the couple have two different belief systems, but then again the relationships that are working probably don't broadcast how different their religions are b/c they respect each other. I'd love to see the statistics on this topic.
Best of luck to all of you ;)
I picked "no, but neither of us are religious". He was raised going to church and stopped when he was 18 (when his parents let him chose whether he went or not) and I've only gone to church 2 times. He's athiest, I'm agnostic. :)
I converted to Catholicism after much soul-searching, and actually began the process before we were engaged. It was the best decision I have made and really unites us as a family as we begin our life together. We have yet another thing to share and can now join together in a beautiful sacrament.
I was raised an atheist and never thought I would be saying this. But it is truly the greatest gift my fiance has given me.
I am converting to Judaism (from Catholicism, by name, not practice) not FOR my SO, but THANKS to him. I would never convert if I didn't believe in the religion. I was never pressured by either him or his family. It is entirely my choice :)
This is a super interesting thread, BTW! So many different Bees, it rocks!
We were both raised Catholic (I went to Catholic school ages 5-17; him high school only) and both very consciously left the faith around age eighteen. Even if this weren't the case, I would never convert.
I would never convert for a guy. I don't even really get how that works? I mean I believe that you are whatever religion you BELIEVE in. I wouldn't just go through the motions to get the title of another religion for a guy... seems like betraying your core beliefs imo.
Now.. for those of you who say that your FI/DH opened your eyes to a new religion and you truly BELIEVE that that is the religion is for you... thats fine.
I haven't been put in that situation, but I would never convert personally. I agree with CorgiTales - for me, religion wasn't something I was born into, it's my personal beliefs. I couldn't change them for any other reason than that my beliefs changed. If I did it for any other reason, I wouldn't feel very true to myself, my beliefs, or the religion.
i could never convert. i was dating someone outside of my religion for a very long time before my fi, and religion was a big reason why i broke up with him. we were very serious and while he told me he was fine with raising the kids jewish, i could tell his heart wasn't in it and he just didn't care, even though he said he would start researching my religion. and that's when i decided that it was only jews from then on for me.
I would never convert and was once in the same boat as artbee. We broke up because of religion, his parents would never have let him marry me. Really made me wonder if they couldnt love me for me like he did if I even wanted to be in their family. It was all for the best though because then I met my now fiance whom I can't wait to marry!
I marked other because I'd never convert for a guy but it's not an issue not because we have the same religion but because we both don't have one. He's an atheist and I'm agnostic so it's a good fit. I'd have a lot of trouble being serious with a believer, I could have probably married a diest or thiest but probably not someone who believed in a real supernatural entity that took actions that affected our world like writing books. Our values and views would be just too different.
I voted other because of my very strange situcation. FI and I were both born and raised Lutheran and for our parents' sake we are getting married by a Lutheran pastor. However, he is very against organized religion and I am still finding my own path. Right now I am in the process of deciding to convert to Judaism, I've started researching and reading, but I haven't found a Rabbi to talk to yet. I find that a lot of my personal beliefs align with Judaism much more than any form of Christianity. And so far my research and reading has gone well, but the process is long and I may end up deciding not to convert, but for now I would really like to based on what I know so far. FI is completely supportive of my decisions and we have already agreed that if I choose to be Jewish how we will raise our children.
My bf and I are both atheists, so it's not a problem for us, but I would never "convert." Converting for me would be forcing myself to believe in something that I just don't believe in. I have never dated anyone religious, and I will never date anyone religious. There are just too many differences to overcome. I imagine it would be a huge problem once children are involved because I do not want to raise my kids in a church.
Both my FI and I are christian...but we are in different denominations...My FI is a preacher and if it came to the point where he was pastoring in a different denomination than the one I grew up in, then I would have to pray and meditate about it really hard. I want to support my FI in every way but he would never ask me to do it...it would be my choice...
my BF and I are both agnostic/atheist and our families are both relatively non-religiously inclined. but in a different situation, it would depend on the guy.
I am Catholic and he is Jewish. We both said on the first date that neither would convert and we're both ok with that. I think converting to a different religion should be a personal decision based on an individual's beliefs and dissatisfaction with their current religion, not something done "for" someone.
When I became engaged to my ex-husband, I was not a member of any religion. He was Jewish. We found a rabbi who was willing to marry us even though I was not Jewish. However, because we intended to raise the children as Jewish, I began taking classes in Judaism. In the course of those classes, I decided to convert. However, I did so only after deciding that I was committed enough to the religion so that I would want to be a part of it even if I were no longer with him.
After nearly twenty years of marriage, he left me. However, I stayed with the religion. When I married NotFroofy, the big issue was finding a rabbi willing to marry us even though she was not Jewish.
However, I could no more ask NotFroofy to convert for my sake than I could convert for the sake of my ex-husband. Unless she was truly committed to it herself, I would rather just have us remain of different religions (or in her case, of no religion).
I personally would not, for the following reasons.
-why would you convert to something you don't have a strong belief in? Religion shouldn't just be something you casually join and leave in my opinion.
-I would not be with someone who was not okay with my personal feelings and beliefs the way they are. You don't marry someone hoping to change them, you marry them for who they are!
Of course, this is relative because I am not religious, I am agnostic. But I was raised LDS by very staunch believing parents, and from that experienced I have learned that you don't just join or stay in a religion so you can be married in a certain building, thats ridiculous!
I will most likely convert to the Catholic faith once we're married. I won't rush it though & my FI doesn't feel like I have to just because we're getting married.
I have been raised in my Christian church & I've attended bi-weekly services since I was born. My FI is Catholic & has gone to church sporadically throughout his life (although he goes more often than most of his Catholic friends). When I'm in his city we attend Catholic Mass every week & we've even "shopped around" for different churches. We've settled on one we love & I would have no problem fitting in there.
The reason I feel like I should convert is for our future children. I want our family to share the same religious values & not be confused by the differences of our religions. While my church believes in Christ as the Son of God, we have some major differences (that I don't care to get into). It would just be a lot easier this way! :)
I wouldn't because I'm a person of faith, so I feel like a person should only convert to a religion if they feel drawn to that tradition. I do however know several people who started learning about a different religion from the SO, and in the process converted on the basis of their own calling. That completely makes sense to me.
FI and I are both Christians, but from different faith traditions. I would be so angry if I felt pressure from him to join his church, and I would never want to to pressure him. I think we'll raise future kids in my church since I'm the one who would actually take them to church, but I have no problem with going to his church or with the kids attending church (or Buddhist temple) with their paternal grandparents/great grandparents. We have so many other differences in our race, culture, language, that different church traditions is just one more thing to add into the mix.
I was raised protestant and converted to catholicism in a previous relationship, I did it because of my boyfriend at the time but after we broke up I kept practicing it ... MY FI is catholic too, but we both have our own vision of religion... we are mostly just following tradition than really believing...
I don't really understand conversion in principle. Religion is supposed to be about what you believe, and I have difficulty with the concept that what you believe inside yourself can just change because you say it does, or to suit someone else. It's easy enough to say "okay, I'm ________ now", but to actually believe it is something else entirely, and no doubt way more difficult to do than most converters would like to admit.
A person's beliefs may naturally change a little over their life, and might even mean they evenutally convert from one religion to another as a result of that gradual growth in their ideals, but a knee-jerk conversion through marriage? How is that even possible? Your religion is what you believe, not what you practice.
I would convert, but neither of us is religious, so it's not an issue.
I could never be with someone who believes in god. It's too important to me to be with someone who is aligned with my beliefs. Religion is way too farfetched to me to be able to spend my life with someone who believes in it, and I would never fake faith.
I believe if you are converting for him it doesnt count how can you convert when you are choosing to so for a man.I am a muslim but would never want someone to change religions for me because I know in there heart they truelly do not believe in it.At the end of the day you both believe in god thats all that matters.Follow ur heart hun.
It would truly depend on what religion it was before I would ever consider converting. I am a very spiritual person and while I mainly identify as agnostic, I do relate to several different aspects of multiple religions.
I would absolutely consider it, but it would be a very prolonged decision fraught with much soul searching.
I wouldn't convert for a marriage. I would not expect my spouse to convert to a religion just to marry me, either. if i had married someone with a different religion, i would just accept that we have different beliefs, and it wouldn't be a big deal to me.
We are both very comfortable and happy with our own beliefs and don't feel that the other person has to change just because we are getting married. But I also don't believe that anybody should ever convert just for marriage. You should convert for YOU. Otherwise you are just pretending and not being true to yourself.
like others you got to the point I missed, I would consider a religion because of a spouse, but I would choose a religion for myself.
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