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I couldn't marry someone whose values I couldn't respect. How can you marry someone you think does truly bad things and wants to hurt people (in your view, obviously not in theirs). I could care less what he called himself or what labels he applied but he would have to have the same base values.
I think people who have relationships that include really different politics (and I'm just speculating I might well be wrong) think of politics as abstract as theory and argument, certainly a lot of people in DC think of it as a game. To me politics is about real people and values and I care about the people affected too much to just 'not bring it up'. I think a lot about politics boils down to fundamental questions like 'does anyone deserve to be desperately poor?' and to me the answer to that is an important part of a person's character.
FI and I disagree about stuff of course and we argue and discuss but on the very basics we are on the same page.
It would depend? Someone with whom I disagreed on the two or three issues that I deem most important probably wouldn't make a good spouse for me, but there's room for nuance. I'd need to know how a person defined, say "conservative" and how or why he supported a given position before making a decison like that,
No freakin' way.
I am a pro-choice, pro-gay marriage feminist (among other things I'm sure) and I could not marry someone that did not feel this way.
We do disagree on some political issues, but the social issues are of major importance to me.
My guy is about 80-90% in line with my political viewpoints. We are both very liberal and have almost all the same social and fiscal views. I don't see how I could be with somebody who was too different than me with such important matters. Having different food interests, hobbies, etc...those aren't a big deal, but I can't imagine having a spouse who lies on the other end of the spectrum. Wouldn't work for me!!
I agree that the social issues are most important, but we are not 100% in agreement there either. He is against any sort of "handout" from the government, whereas I am a teacher and I feel that I choose to make less money to work in a profession that I truly care about. On the majors like gay marriage and abortion we are pretty similar. But then he likes to talk about getting a gun which I am totally not OK with.
It's hard having different views, we definitely debate and I get frustrated sometimes, but it's also nice to have an intelligent conversation with my partner about important issues. We always challenge eachother about where we get our information to make sure our sources are valid : )
It's almost harder having extremely different views with your friends. My BF is Conservative in every possible way and we just avoid talking about controversial issues with eachother. Come to think about it; among my best friends; I am the ONLY liberal! I they pester me all the time. But I feel strongly about my views! and in the end; we all get along.
Yes. And I married him.
He's a saunch Republican that is very conservative. Same sex marraige? No way. Abortion? No way. Big business, very much so. He's also very religious, although that has been waning in the last years.
Me on the other hand...180 degrees opposite. I'm very liberal. Grew up Catholic. Agree with same sex marraige rights, abortion, etc. (Obviously, I have some issues with Catholisim...).
We've aggreed to disagree. He loves Bush. I think he's a hillbilly. I like Clinton, he thinks he's a whack job. We rarely get into fights. We roll our eyes a lot and don't watch State of the Union addresses with each other.
He's also come to terms that there are some things that Women get the right to choose that can differ from their men. He stays out of my vagina, I stay away from making fun of Bush.
Short answer is NO. For me personally, there are certain lines I draw – my partner needs to be pro-choice, for one. I also couldn’t seriously date someone who thought there was no difference between the political parties, someone who didn’t vote, or who continually said a major issue to them was X, and then voted for people who didn’t support their view. (i.e. people who say they are pro-choice and that it’s very important to them, who then continually vote for very conservative candidates who are anti-choice). I also don’t think I could marry someone who was extremely religious.
yes - mine is more politically conservative and it makes for great conversations!!
but we agree on social issues.
@ms.pascua: WOAH, no offense intended but I am Catholic and I don't believe in a redistribution of wealth and the church's actions surely don't reflect it. I believe in "Charity" (in fact, I have dedicated my life to it) but not forced redistribution. The Catholic church is the wealthiest institution on earth... The pope walks around with sandals made of gold and gemstones, the churches are amazing structures, I hardly believe they "redistribute" nearly as much as they have. My mom taught for a catholic school and when a student attacked her and she injured her back, they hired lawyers to prevent them from having to pay for her medical bills so they didn't have to pay her a red cent. As a result my mom was unable to work for years, had crippling medical bills, and I was raised in abject poverty - all thanks to the "generosity" of the Catholic church. And, yes, I repeat again, I am still a Catholic...
Second, it depends on how political you are. My FI and I are very political people and we debate and discuss politics for hours on end (its probably how our friendship got so strong). He is more extreme than me but we are on the same side on most issues. So, I couldn't do it. Friends, yes, husband -- no? That said, Mary Matlin and James Carville (political pundits of opposite parties) did it and they are very happy. So, different strokes.....
Have you guys seen that Seinfeld where Elaine dumps Putty because he's against abortion?
Yes, my FI (and all his family and friends, actually) are republicans, and I'm really liberal. As some others have said, though, we agree on the biggies for me: women's right, gay marriage, and abortion. We agree to disagree on the things that we fundamentally differ on, primarily social services (he thinks most people abuse the systems, and he's against "handouts" while I believe that sometimes people need the help).
I'm more politcal than he is, and I do more research into topics than he does... I'm also less likely to want to identify solely with one party, since I think some things the Dems do are ridiculous.
In the end, I figured if we could make it through the 08 election cycle, we could make it through anything, politically, really!
I dated guys with different political views, but definitely didn't marry one. My DH and I are right inline with our political views, which is good because my beliefs are something that I'm very passionate about.
I married a man who was so totally opposite from me politically and socially (he conservative, me moderate to liberal). After many years of marriage, he came over to my side. heehee He simply needed to be enlightened.
FI and I are quite different in terms of political views. I am a history/government teacher as well as a former high school debater (read: NERD!) so I tend to be a very political person. Personally, I am conservative (fiscally and socially). I really don't care what a person believes in terms of politics as long as they can support their views with FACTS and explain to me (in their own words) their views and why they feel that way. I can't stand the people who just follow along with what someone else tells them to belief. FI cares a whole lot less about politics...in fact, he wasn't even registered to vote until I talked him into it 2 years ago. When he does have an opinion it is usually very different than mine and that's okay. We both agree that our political system is f'ed up and needs a serious overhaul. We also both understand and agree that we don't put our faith and future in the hands of the government or elected officials. We put our faith in God and understand that he has a plan regardless of what is going on in Washington. We also can agree that we feel that all politicians are corrupt and don't represent either of us or our beliefs.
I never thought I could, but FI is just as conservative as I am liberal. We agree on half of one issue and half of another and that's about it. I'll admit that it can get pretty frustrating, but there's more important things in a relationship than politics.
I originally voted "yes", but I'm actually not sure. I'm very liberal when it comes to social issues (I'm for gay marriage, pro choice, etc.) but my FI could care less about politics and doesn't get into at all. So it works for us.
Probably not, it would definately be a rift in our relationship.
By the way, not all "conservatives" are against gay marriage or other things mentioned in this thread. In fact, many of us younger conservatives are in favor of those things!
I beleive in personal responsibility, not government babysitting. My fiance and I are both libertarians.
I don't particularly care about party identification or being "conservative or liberal". However, there are a few key issues that I feel passionately about that I could not date someone who has views diametrically opposed to, simply because I believe that certain views are rooted in how one treats others and how one approaches the world.
FI was a self identified "conservative Republican" but when I spoke to him about it, I realized he held the same views I did but just was ignorant about where that meant he fell on the political spectrum. Now he's a social liberal, economic conservative, which I'm totally fine with.
As a social worker, my experiences and my jobs are very connected to my liberal political beliefs. I am an active feminist. I am passionate about equal rights and working against oppressive institutions in our society. I can't even really be friends with people who aren't liberal (fortunately, I live in Vermont so this is rarely an issue) because I become personally offended. I see being against reproductive rights as being against women, and intricately linked to sexism.
My partner and I joke about how the only fights we really ever have are the ones where we try to see who is more liberal. He is in medical school, but will be a primary care physician as a reflection of not only his personal interests, but also his values and ethics. We have discussed the amount of money we think we need to live comfortably, and will donate anything we earn above that.
I couldn't raise children with someone who didn't have similar values and ethics, and for me our political beliefs represent our values and ethics.
We have changed eachother's minds on some details, and in many cases grown more passionate about topics because our interests fuel each other's. How could I be with someone who is against basic rights or supports inherently racist or sexist policies, when those things are such an important part of who I am?
@elivt: I will have to admit that this post reflects the first "liberal" post that I respect immensley in a long time. I am actually a holder of alot of liberal ideals but most of the people I know who call themselves liberals don't practice what they preach. I.e. I considermyself libertarian (so we are social liberals and fiscal conservatives) and my friend (who shall remain nameless lol) who is a liberal always attacks me for not believing in more wealth redistribution but I buy at charity resale shops to be able to afford to give to charity and also because the purchase itself goes to charity and she, for example, buys 300.00 shoes every few weeks and I don;t see her giving any money to charity,etc. So, in her case, she sees liberalism as pointing at OTHER people and telling THEM to help the poor... Yet, she looks down on me (who chooses without a government mandate to give) for not supporting legislation forcing people to give. That's hypocracy at its finest. I don;t believe in forcing people to do very much, that's what libertarianism is all about.
@elivt - I can understand your perspective, but I would point out that there's a lot of "personal perspective" in political beleifs, and the same things you say you don't like can be seen on both sides. For instance, in the same way you find anti-abortion as being sexist, I find anti-gun laws to be racist and sexist. (Hence why I'm libertarian, I'm big on individual rights all the way around.)
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I personally hate the liberals thinking convervations are dumb, and the conservatives thinking the liberals are dumb. I think this nation has become too obsessed with "us versus them" fighting amongst the political parties, rather than "united we stand".
Absolutely! We will always have lively dinner conversations!
As long as each side can respect each other and agree to disagree sometimes.
@abbyful: I agree completely- there are many ways to see an issue, and while I have strong opinions on things, I try to be very careful about saying that people are "wrong" (except maybe when I'm angry or drunk....but I do try! 
).
I didn't mean to start a political debate- I was just trying to articulate how passionate I am about my beliefs, and how much they are connected to how I view myself, and the life that I want. I personally wouldn't be able to date someone with hugely different political beliefs because I see those beliefs as a reflection of ethics, values, and morals, and the way that I will live and raise my children.
no way. i tried to date someone of the opposite political party once. it did not end well. i am very involved in politics so i needed someone who has nearly identical beliefs as i do. luckily, my fiance and i agree almost 100% on politics thank goodness.
My ex and I were politically opposite. I'm way to the left of center and he is way to the right. He grew up with religion, and believed heavily in his religion. I grew up with religion, but didn't agree with organized religion. At first I thought, we were a good pair. Balancing each other out. BUT, i was pretty convinced that I was wrong in my beliefs. Told me I was a bad person for being pro choice, and pro gay marriage. I had to end it. I couldn't see a future with him, and I couldn't see raising a family with him.
My FI and I now agree, and disagree and agree to disagree. He's walks the line right down the center, tending to veer left more times than not. It works, and its perfect. But, I'm sure some people can be complete opposites and be just fine as long as there is respect. Thats what it should be all about anyway....
@otb: My fiance and I are the same way! I'm a moderate conservative historian who believes strongly in the power of voting and he's the "I don't care, never voted, I guess I'll call myself a Democrat" type of person.
The fact that our opinions and beliefs differ don't bother me as much since I grew up in a family that was literally spilt in half on party identities, but it does extremely bother me that he doesn't care enough to vote. He'll sit there and talk to me about issues and his thoughts on it but when the ballots come in the mail, he won't even open it!
I couldn't marry - a right wing man - as I'm very left wing, my FI isn't as extreme as me - and thats OK - but I couldn't marry a Tory, or a Lib dem.
My fiance and I have similar but not identical political views. I like it this way because we have the same fundamental values, but can still have intellectual political debates. Unfortunately, his entire extended family is hardcore conservative, his uncles are even in an anti-obama rock band. I really really don't appreciate their blatant liberal bashing. Needless to say, I avoid the topic of politics around them like the plague! But to answer the question, I could never be with someone who had political views that were opposite of mine, because I wouldn't be able to feel attraction towards them, haha
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