Post # 1
FSIL sent me a photo of her two daughters (FI’s nieces) in their dresses for the wedding and the eldest (5 years) is in an all white layered tulle dress. My mother thinks this is poor form and that I should be ticked off. 90% of me doesn’t care while 10% of me is bemused because part of me wonders if she did it because FI and I chose not to have any flower girls or ring bearers. I’m wearing dark champagne anyway so it’s not like we will match, maybe this is why I am just not fussed 🙂
Post # 3
They are kids. I wouldn’t be worried even if they accidentaly matched my dress. There is a also a chance that at 5, the girl picked out the dress (though the mom would likely have prompted in some form or another)
I think your mom needs to calm down. Doubt the 5 yearold is trying to upstage the bride.
Post # 4
@Misswhowedding: I do not think at all that a 5 year is trying to upstage me, like I said I’m not fussed by what she wears. My mum thinks my FSIL is having a dig over us not making her a flower girl.
Post # 5
@Lollybags: The 5 yr old may not be trying to upstage the bride, but the 5 yr old`s mom has definitely had her hand in this .
To answer your question: No, I would not dress my child in an all white tulle dress. Can we say
" I wanted her to be a flower girl and I'm making sure she has the dress if not the honor"?
Post # 6
@Lollybags: I’m not trying to say that you are. Sorry if that was implied. That is normally what people complain about when someone wears white to a wedding where they are not the bride. They are trying to “upstage” the bride. Which I personally find funny. Wedding dresses aparently in and of themselves are not showy enough.
Post # 7
Wait, they’re not in the wedding party?
FSIL is definitely being a jerk. But now you get the best of both worlds! Little girls in pretty dresses, and you don;t have to worry about putting them in pictures or getting them down the aisle well-behaved!
Post # 8
I feel like this could be a scene from a sitcom. No I wouldn’t dress children in white for a wedding.
Post # 9
@julies1949: Oh defiiiiiintely the mom has a hand in this.
Not sure if I’d dress my child in floor-length white tulle, but honestly, its a kids dress, who cares? A lot of little girl dresses come in white.
To the OP: Yeah I’d be like you, not to upset about it or anything. I mean, its a 5 year old, I don’t see why your mom thinks you should be upset. Of all things to get your panties in a bunch, this is NOT that. LOL 🙂 Tell your mom to chill and relax, everyone will still know you are the bride 😉
Post # 10
I wouldn’t but I agree with your mom, I think that mother is doing it on purpose to get a rise out of you, especially since you’re not having flower girls.
Post # 11
@BrandNewBride: haha, if only. The dress is pretty fugly to be honest. FI and I have ordered them flower halos though To wear so they could feel special (as we did not put them in the wedding party) and yes, to look cute in photos.
Post # 12
Ok to be sure when it comes to fussy dresses for Little Girls there are many that incorporate tulle, swiss dot, organza etc… fabrics that are all Wedding-like
And having been a Mom, I can say that little girls do look adorable in such “puffs” of feminity
So I can see the attraction to wanting a child to wear such a look… BUT not in white… there are other colours that can be equally GORGEOUS on little girls…
Pastels… Blue – Peach – Lilac – Mint – Yellow etc
In the scenario you’ve shared… it is pretty clear to me that isn’t what is going on here… your FSIL is doing something “passive agressive” to make a point / get her way
@julies1949: said it best in Reply # 4 (with my revision)
The 5 yr old may not be trying to upstage the bride, but the 5 yr old`s mom has definitely had her hand in this … is maybe trying to.
To answer your question: No, I would not dress my child in an all white tulle dress. Can we say “I wanted her to be a flower girl and I’m making sure she has the dress if not the honor”?
She sounds like a real piece of work… I have a feeling this won’t be the only time in your life that you two are going to have a difference of opinion and she’ll feel she has the right to walk all over you.
I’d let this one pass… for the sake of Family Harmony at the Wedding… (and the kids)
BUT I sure as heck wouldn’t sit down and take a back seat to the next time…
And I am pretty sure there will be a NEXT Time !!
Post # 13
i wouldn’t because i wouldn’t want people thinking i was trying to make my child look like part of the wedding party. being a flower girl is such a big deal for some girls and i wouldn’t want to steal the flower girl’s thunder (if there was a flower girl).
our flower girl was my husband’s niece and she wore an ivory tulle dress. my husband’s other niece (who was NOT a flower girl) wore a long white dress (i actually think it was her first communion dress). i wasn’t mad, but i thought it was funny. my sister in law (flower girl’s mom) and i were laughing about it the day after the wedding. like, was she trying to be the back-up flower girl or something? lol. this little girl loooves to get dressed up, so i think she really just wanted to look pretty, but you’d think her mother would have had her wear one of her other fancy dresses, not the long white one, lol
Post # 14
If I had kids, I personally wouldnt dress them in white dresses to a wedding unless we were asked to. In this case, it sounds like your FSIL is doing it on purpose b/c they’re not flower girls. Or maybe she thinks this is the only chance her little girls can wear little cute poofy white dresses.. I dont know. But did she show you the picture to ask you or did she just say this what they’re wearing? In my case, 2 of my neices on his side who are around that age, did wear white dresses to the ceremony, but they looked oh so cute, and I thought it was so adorable 🙂 Then she put them in pink/brown dresses for the reception.
Good you’re not fussed about it though 🙂