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You want him to wear a dress? That's what I'm understanding from the title of your post.
I think it's awesome to have a guy as a "groomsmaid" but I don't know of a single guy who would be willing to wear a dress to do it. Maybe a coordinating tie/vest would work better?
I am not opposed to having a "bridesman" but he would for sure be in a suit with a tie that matches the bridesmaid dresses. I can't imagine any guy would be eager to don a dress.
There are plenty of people now a days that decide to have special people in their wedding regardless of gender and what side of the aisle they stand on. From the looks of your title to this post it sounds like you want him to wear a dress. If thats correct, why? If he does this you do realize HE will be the center of attention, and everyone will come away from you and your husbands day remembering the guy who wore a dress and not the amazing vows you two said up there.
Have him in your bridal party!! Have him wear the same suit at the groomsmen but maybe a different colored tie, one that matches the bridesmaids dresses more.
You should totally have him be a "bridesman" if you want but I'd never encourage you to have him wear a dress!
I know no one I know would want to do that, but if thats the type of friend you have...maybe? I mean that one guy on SYTTD tried on a wedding gown and really seemed to enjoy it. I bet if that bride had wanted him to wear a dress he would have :)
I'm having a bridesdude, and although he jokingly offered to wear a dress, I would NEVER ask him to! This is your wedding day, not a spectacle or broadway show or something. Maybe it's just me, but I think the focus of a wedding should be on the bride and groom joining their lives, not a guy in a dress.
I totally think the guy could stand with the girls & match them (color-coordinating) but I would NOT want a guy in a dress at any wedding.
Okay, so I read a previous post you made. I think that we're all misunderstanding. My personal opinion is that if a dear friend of mine was transgendered or cross-dressed, I would want to accommodate them if they were in the bridal party and make sure they were comfortable and happy with their outfit.
But if I had a non-cross-dressing bridesdude, I wouldn't ask him to wear a dress to match the bridesmaids.
Does that help? I hope you get to be a bridesdude/maid soon :)
I think if I saw this at a wedding I would be wondering if the bride were in love with the guy in the dress. As silly as that sounds, it just seems off to be making a guy other than the husband the focus of the wedding day.
Why not, if he wants to, then I wouldn't have a problem with it.
Thank for your comments ladies and yes there was a little misunderstanding with my post! Actually I am a guy wanting to be bridesmaid not a bride! Sorry to confuse you all with my post this was not intended!
I'm having a bridesman. He'll be wearing a coordinating tux, though. He looks terrible in a dress. LOL!
However, I agree with LittleOctopus, if one of my best friends was a transgendered, I'd happily allow him/her to dress in accordance with whatever gender he/she preferred. I'm not really down with drag queens in the bridal party. Men who live as men will be dressing as men at my wedding.
I'm confused - does he want to wear a gown? My co-worker & close friend is a gay man who looks better in drag than I do on my best day! We joke about making him a bridesmaid (he's not, we kept it mostly family) but for my wedding he IS wearing a suit that will match our color scheme. ;)
Also - my best friend is a guy & he's a groomsman in our wedding. I wouldn't ask him to wear a gown but I almost wore a tux as a groomschick in his wedding. Although, I'll admit - it would've been a fitted women's tux with kickass sexy heels. After discussing it with a couple girlfriends though I think it all depends on the crowd. For his wedding I think it would've taken attention from the bride and I certainly didn't want to do that. I had a bridesmaid dress just like the other ladies.
Edit: Sorry, I was busy typing while the thread updated. I agree with the other ladies - if I had a close friend who was transgendered and lived as a woman I would be all for it. The friend I mentioned in my post lives as a man with his partner and the drag is for fun or for events like pride, a parade, etc.
My fiance and I jokingly asked two of our gay male bfs if they wanted to be groomsmen or bridesmaids. They respectfully requested to be groomsmen. ;)
And then we seriously asked them if they would rather be invited to the bachelor or bachelorette party and they said they would like to attend both if they aren't held on the same day. I think they'll both go the bachelor party if they are both on the same day.
Note: These guys are not a couple. I just realized that they way I worded this post that it my imply that. But they are aren't. They are two different gay men that are very different individuals.
Against popular believe most gays are usually not into crossdressing (although this might sound more logic to most people)! Statistically most crossdressers are straight! And so am I! Not that this really matters but I just wanted to clarify that!
Thanks for sharing your honest thoughts!
I totally think you should rock the dress if thats what you want to wear! If you feel more confident in a dress who is anyone to judge. Just be sure to shave your legs 1st ;)
I guess it would depend on the specific person. Presuming that this guy is close enough for me to ask him to be in my wedding party, that is. If it was someone who was transgendered, and although born a male, identified as a female and only felt comfortable in women's clothing and that expressed her true identity, then I would be fine with it. If it were a man who just enjoyed dressing in women's clothing on occasion, then I would not be, since I wouldn't see a real reason why he needed to wear a dress on that particular day. I mean, I like wearing pants, but if I'm in a wedding I would assume the bride wanted me in a dress. Same goes for a guy who likes to wear dresses. That's the breaks of being in a wedding party- you don't always get to wear what you like best. I would also be suspicious of the reasoning behind it. Someone else's wedding is not the appropriate venue to do anything that will attract more attention to yourself than the couple getting married.
If I am going to be a bridesmaid I should make sure to look like one! It is not my intention to distract from the wedding! I will do whatever necessary (waxing, nails etc)!
@bridesmaid2be- That's correct! In my case, both guys were friends with both of us before we even started dating, so the bridesman/groomsmen joke was more in reference to that. In any case, I know they aren't into drag and would have never asked them about that. I think they would both look strapping in tuxes. ^_^ I'm sad no one is getting tails and a top hat though, because that would be their style.
@bridesmaid2be: Well, as several bees have already said, it's hardly unusual nowadays to see both men and women standing up on either side. One doesn't need to wear a dress to "look" like a bride's attendant. The general consensus seems to be that if you live your day to day life as a woman, you should continue to wear women's clothes within the bridal party. If you life your day to day life as a man, then you should wear men's clothes, regardless of whether you occasionally enjoy wearing something else. If all your friends and family know you as Joe and would be fairly shocked to see you in women's clothing, then no matter how good you look in a dress, it will detract attention from the couple. If they all know you as Joanne, then no one will bat an eye, and it would be appropriate.
@greenleafmountain: Agreed. Personally, I would have no problem at all including a transgendered or transitioning friend in my party, and have him or her dress based on his or her gender expression. I would be much less interested, though, in simply indulging crossdressing interests. There are times and places for everything, and my wedding wouldn't be the place. I personally think that crossdressing is an absolutely harmless practice and have no problem with it whatsoever, but I also feel that way about adult babies, S&M lifestylists, and a whole other host of "alternative" practices. Doesn't mean I think it is appropriate for a wedding.
@greenleafmountain: I agree with you 100% on this. Well said! :)
if i had a close friend that is a guy who wants to wear a dress, if he's a crossdresser - i'd ask him to wear a coordinating suit but if he's transgendered and lives as a woman - yes, he can wear a dress. if he just likes wearing dresses for fun... i'd rather he save that for a different day and not my wedding
So my opinion is, both sides of the bridal party are in support of both the bride and the groom... so if you are a guy who's close to the bride, your place of honor remains as a groomsman bc that's where the guys stand. Same is true if you are lady, who's close to the groom, your place would be with other ladies. It's one big happy wedding party! That's just my opinion.
I would agree with the others. If he is transgendered and thinks of himself as a woman, he can definitely be a bridesmaid and wear a dress. Otherwise, he could still be a bridesman, but should wear something comparable to what the groomsmen wear.
It amuses me that this is the second time I have answered this question, as I ran across another bride who was considering it as well.
bridesmaid2be I was confused, sorry if I offended you or anything, that wasn't my intention. I think your friend will tell you how she wants you dressed on that day like all of her other bridesmaids. Either she'll have you wear a dress if that's what you really want to wear or she's have you in a tux if that's what you would prefer. I'm not sure of the background of this story, and from reading some of the posts it seems there's more to this then just one component. But from my stand point as a bride, I want my bridal party feeling and looking amazing. Whatever they feel beauitufl and amazing in will look good on the wedding day. I'm not picking their outfits even. Talk to your bride, ask her what she's invisioning for that day. If you're a close enough friend to take on the role of bridesmaid then you're close enough to discuss this openingly. Know what I mean? Hope all of our comments are helping and not confusing you...especially mine! :)
Pilots girl, dont worry you did at no time insult me! Unfortunately I do not have a female friend who wants me as a bridesmaid at her wedding. I was just curious about your thoughts regarding this and it has been interesting to read all your responses.
It is no surprise that the big majority would not consider this at their wedding. However I was still hoping there would be brides who actually think this could be fun and make their day unique in some way. Unfortunately most people see this as a distraction from their wedding although I can understand their reservations.
Thanks ladies, your comments were very honest, open-minded and clear to me.
Kind of surprised at the people who think a man shouldn't wear a dress if he's the bridesmaid or even the maid of honor. It's traditional and I don't think gender has to come into it!
I've just asked around the office and after surprise at the question, looks like we have a majority of women here who would not only not be bothered by a male bridesmaid wearing a dress, even if he's straight and not transgendered, but they might even suggest it for their own daughters' weddings rather than have those fellows among groomsmen whom they don't know. "What kind of friend would a guy have to be to say no to a *bride* about anything?" was one comment. A woman in accounting said any guy who would say "no" would have to be eliminated from the wedding party -- why pay to have a fellow in the wedding who wasn't going to contribute to the overall positive mood and feeling?
If I had had a male bridesmaid, I would have asked him to wear a gown and the undergarments and the high heels and the makeup and so forth, and if he was reluctant, I would have cajoled, persuaded, and then insisted. He wouldn't need to be a transvestite or trangendered! He'd do it for me because I wanted it and because we're friends who love each other.
Counting now, I'm not surprised that it turns out that four of the last 10 weddings I went to -- all otherwise pretty traditional (and, frankly, ordinary to the point of forgettable) had male bridesmaids wearing the same women's apparel as the other bridesmaids. It just seems more ordinary now, more acceptable, to have this sort of thing, though it certainly didn't used to be. Two of the weddings with bridesmaid men were in conservative families in conservative towns, though I'm pretty sure few people knew, and probably only women knew at that. None of the guys were crossdressers, as far as I know, at least going into the big day! :)
I think one way of encouraging a man to do the right thing and wear the bridesmaid's dress would be to use your feminine wiles on him a little bit. Not hit on him, but be touching, and close, and ask him one-on-one in a quiet, private moment when nobody else is around. Promise you'll keep his secret if he'll help you have the wedding you want. Tell him that without him in the gown there will always be that one broken piece to the day, that one galling, unfixable thing that didn't go right. Also let him know that the other bridesmaids, who have to know, will all be supportive and affirming and respecting of his decision and appreciative of the sacrifice and friendship and loyalty that he's demonstrating by giving the beautiful bride, his friend, one of the small things she wants to make her big day perfect. Nobody else will have to know, except those few people who help him do all the preparation for being a bridesmaid. It is a big commitment and not everybody has it in them to perserve after having made the tough decision.
One other thing: if you're sitting on the fence about this (and you're a bride) and a bridesdude jokes about wearing a dress, take him up on it in a serious way and tell him you want a *bridesmaid,* not a *bridesdude.* There's a difference. Tell him you know he was joking but you'd really like to explore the option with him and you think it might be a beautiful way to show the love between you if he'd turn that joke into something serious. He might even have made the joke because it's what he wants, anyway.
Yes to this: "If I am going to be a bridesmaid I should make sure to look like one! It is not my intention to distract from the wedding! I will do whatever necessary (waxing, nails etc)!" A man who is a bridesmaid should look like one, or else he should just sit among the crowd and should not be in the front with the other people who've made the special effort.
@DarlaWillow: ok.
(You dregged up a year-old post to type all that out, and made an account?!)
@joy2011: You know, sometimes when you realize there are other people who don't think like you do, you're like, "Oh! We need to talk about this!" Guess I hang out with lots of people who think like I do so the naysayers here kind of caught me by surprise. Or maybe I'm just bossy and still thinking too much about getting my way with the wedding -- even though it's over!
I am not bothered by a male bridesmaid-but I think that his wearing a dress would totally distract attention away from the wedding couple. Would you want everyone to be looking at him or you during the ceremony?
What... first of all, just because someone thinks differently about something than you do, doesn't mean you NEED to "talk about it". People are allowed to have their own opinions. Second, unless I am totally misunderstanding you, this doesn't even make any sense!
My best friend is a straight male. He is standing on my side, with 3 women. He is wearing a suit with a tie that will match their dresses. Why on earth would I force him to wear a dress? I find it extremely strange that you would try to convince a (supposedly straight, since your recommendation is to convince them with *ahem* favors) male to wear a dress just so that he could be in your wedding, and act like he is a bad friend if he doesn't! Do you really not see how crazy that is? Someone who is transgendered/transitioning - that is another story entirely, fine. But you are saying that they should have no choice and have to look like a bridesmaid so they better damn sure be wearing the dress. This makes NO SENSE.
If I put my straight male bridesmaid in a dress, my wedding would look like a freaking circus. Everyone would be confused and uncomfortable.
This has to be trolling...
@DarlaWillow If you would "cajole, persuade, and then insist" that your non-transgendered friends wear dresses to your wedding simply because you want them to, " bossy" is an understatement
@TheHoneyWajr: It's not trolling! Sorry that sounds crazy to you, but the question was asked and I answered. :/
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Are there brides who would consider a man to be one of their bridesmaids
matching with the other girls? Do you think this could be fun and make your
wedding day special? I am serious and would love to have this opportunity!