Sorry! I should have been more specific, it’s not as confusing as I explained it I promise.
We sent out email invitations with RSVP. Even if you just open the email, if specifies you need to RSVP, and likewise 65 other people were able to open it and realize you need to RSVP. I even have aunts that have to go use library computers to check their email and they figured out they needed to RSVP!
Afterwards, FMIL decided to freak out over us “not being traditional”. Which introduces what I referred to as the “paper invitation”: For those that RSVPed, they will get a fun “reminder” we are making using recycled materials, which will not require a response but just serve as a date, time, location etc. reminder card. They are not aware of this and assume the first invite was the invite.
About the email invitations:
I posted on here and got some feedback that my deadline was early based on my date. Thanks to the board, I came up with the idea to add a “yes”, “no” or “maybe” option to the RSVP. I explained that people that marked maybe could give an answer at a later date, but the maybe just helped us with planning, estimating a guest count etc. Some people took advantage of the maybe option.
So she (and his entire family) received a very specific invite (which she has opened), an email introducing the maybe option (which she has opened) and an email a week prior to the deadline asking to be marked as yes, no or maybe (which she has opened).
However, she was crickets, until FMIL decided to blast over a social networking site that she hoped they could come because she wanted to see their kids. She also sent this blast to about 6 other family members that decided not to RSVP.
The girl responded instantly that she was “interested” in coming and they went back and forth over details. I brought this discussion to the attention of my FI and he decided to call FMIL and reign her in on pressuring people about coming to the wedding. He explained we already started to sign contracts, create centerpieces so we really need to drop the “I hope you guys can come” since we have already established they can’t come.
I called her and explained that if anyone wants to RSVP to her, for her to request that they contact us either by phone or email. (Truth be told, she is incredibly disorganized & probably wouldn’t relay the RSVP). She completely went off the deep end and then sent an email to everyone in the family that hadn’t RSVPed yet, and told them they needed to do so soon. She then sent the email to this girl, which she hasn’t responded to. She also posted it on the girls’ website page.
FI called FMIL asked why she sent that email and told her no they don’t need to RSVP the RSVP period has closed, she went crazy again and sent a second email saying she was “ill informed” (which she wasn’t!) and the RSVP period was closed.
I think what is the problem, is the girl (who incidentally enough just got married & went through this RSVP process) and most of his family just don’t feel they have to RSVP. They usually don’t serve dinner at the weddings and will just have appetizer or dessert receptions. (Not to be nitpicky, but usually 5-7 hour long gatherings where the invite does not say appetizer or dessert but rather just “Reception to follow”)
Should I count these verbal “I’m interested” but refusing to commit as RSVPs or maybes even if they are not to me?
Any tips for dealing with these kind of situations?
I officially hate RSVPs!