- 3 years ago
- Wedding: June 2014
I would go.
I mean maybe she was really excited for your wedding then when she found out it was on a cruise and she couldn’t afford to go she was hurt. People say dumb things they don’t mean when they are hurt.
She also might not have known enough details to give you more information earlier. Or she didn’t have it all locked in just yet.
And she might not be excited or at least not yet. I wasn’t excited I was a nervous wreck and super busy and annoyed up until the day before the wedding when we were decorating then I *started* to get excited. It didn’t really hit me until I was walking down the aisle and then it HIT ME… hhahahaha.
You told her you were going, she wants you to be there… I’d definitely go.
Most people say stuff like that about DW’s because they are disappointed that they will not be able to attend. They can feel like you have choosen to have your wedding this way to exclude them. Because you knew they wouldn’t be able to afford it. Try not to take it personally, it really is because they care.
As to her wedding. Maybe she is trying to keep your expectations low and trying to convince herself that the fixings aren’t important because she has limited funds.
Don’t go. You sound like you don’t want to, and like you wouldn’t enjoy yourself if you went. Just say you’re not able to make the trip on short notice.
However I think it’s unfair for you to say that it’s not worth it to go to her wedding because it’ll probably end in divorce. Just because she has a blase attitude about the wedding doesn’t mean that’s how she feels about the marriage.
She has a tendency to not look deep before she leaps (Mr. Right Now), then refuses to do the work in relationships and just quits when guys dont do exactly what she wants.
Either way, I don’t care if her wedding is at the courthouse, her house, her father’s vacation house, or whatever, it doesn’t matter. Flair or not, it doesn’t matter. Catered or not, it doesnt matter. What bothers me is that with less than 10 days, she has no idea about what time the wedding will be, she’s not volunteering the actual location of the wedding, and she’s acting like she doesn’t even care about the wedding.
I’m feeling like why should I care about your wedding if you obviously don’t. It’s not that I’m being unfair or unreasonable – I’m asking questions but I’m just not getting answers. What’s unfair or unreasonable is potentially getting a text at 6am the day of saying I need you here by 8am and still not knowing where here is besides at least 4 hours West.
I’d love to be there for her wedding; but, I’m not blocking off an entire weekend AGAIN especially if she’s acting like it doesn’t matter. If it doesn’t matter, then why be insistent that I have to be there and then not provide the information I need to plan to be there. Now that’s unreasonable.
I wouldn’t decide yet. I wouldn’t block off my weekends or cancel on her yet. Just go about your life as normal and talk to her as you would normally (not about the wedding.) When she sets a date you’ll know what to do.
It’s going to be hard to make it with no time or place!
I definitely would stop blocking of weekends, though… Who knows when this wedding is actually going to be!
So the other guests don’t know the time and location either and it’s only 10 days away?! Sounds like she will have pretty poor attendance…
I don’t think I would necessarily block off weekends and kind of go with the flow (since that’s what she’d doing). If you can make it, great. If not, don’t feel guilty about it.
@gemchick82: I think you’re making a big deal out of the details, and looking for an excuse not to go. You know the date and location right? So google that sht. You really don’t need to know much else at this point. You already agreed to go, and with it being a 4 hour trip you can count on this being a day long affair, and might want to make overnight accomodations. I would call up the friend, let her know you are excited about going and for her to just get you the details when she can.
This sounds like a pain in the ass, and you clearly don’t feel like going…just understand the possible ramifications should you choose to develope a migraine or Taco Bell Shits (thanks, @Omgbunnies: 😉
She’s going to pitch a fit. She can claim till she’s blue in the face that the wedding doesnt mean anything, etc…but I promise that tune will change drastically if you do not go.
If you skip out on her wedding, count on her skipping out on yours and possibly ending the friendship.
I don’t know this person, I’ve just seen a million “that-bitch-didn’t-show-up-to-my-shower/bachelorette/wedding-so-I’m-not-her-friend-anymore” posts on the Bee.
She’s incredibly wishy-washy about her date. Based on that alone I wouldn’t try too hard to make it, she’s very likely to change it yet again. Changing her date 2 weeks ahead of time screws the guests planning to attend, so at that point I’d start losing patience and stop making serious efforts to have the time off for her wedding. Sort of ironic that she’s upset about you having a DW, when she has such little regard for her own wedding that its negatively affecting her guests ability to attend.
Has she actually sent you an invitation or only told you over the phone the date and place?
I think you need to ask yourself a question: why, in a generic situation, would I choose to attend a wedding? I’m not sure what the answer for you would be, but for me it’s something along the lines of this:
1) Primarily, I want to be there for these important events for the friends and family I care most about because these types of rituals help to reinforce the bonds that tie our strong relationship.
2) Secondarily, even if I don’t care too much about the people involved, most weddings are fun parties and I enjoy spending my time at a fun party.
For me, if a wedding was fufilling neither of these criteria I probably wouldn’t go. You should figure out your critera, if this wedding fits, then decide. Your criteria will make some of the details you’ve mentnioned really important and some irrelevent.