(Closed) Would You Ever Attend a Wedding Empty Handed?

posted 7 years ago in Gifts and Registries
  • poll: Would You Ever Attend a Wedding Without Giving the Couple a Gift?
    Yes : (30 votes)
    25 %
    No : (88 votes)
    75 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    429 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    Hmmm…strange way of wording this poll/post.

    I would attend a wedding empty handed if I had previously sent them a gift off their registry, or was traveling to the wedding and had the gift shipped directly to them.

    Is that what you mean? Or are you talking about not giving a wedding gift AT ALL?

    Post # 4
    Member
    2634 posts
    Sugar bee

    I absolutely don’t EXPECT my wedding guests to bring me gifts.  I think the expectation of gifts is ridiculous, and if that is indeed how you were raised it makes me sad for you. 

    Would I EVER attend a wedding emtpy handed?  I don’t know, I haven’t faced that situtation yet.  If I absolutely couldn’t afford anything I probably would (well, I’d still bring a card).

    Post # 5
    Member
    1897 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    NEVER IN MY LIFE.   I’d decide to not go to a wedding than to go empty handed.

    Post # 7
    Member
    5773 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2011

    I would never go to a wedding empty handed, I always bring a card/check. HOWEVER I think a lot of people waste their energy worrying about when/why people don’t bring gifts. Yeah, I expect my guests to bring me a card at the very least, but I invite people to my wedding I want to share my day with and I’m not going to get bent out of shape if they come empty handed.

    Post # 8
    Member
    2821 posts
    Sugar bee

    I’m still debating on a gift for a DW we attended.  We were stuck in a hotel the week before the wedding that we hadn’t signed up for and was $500 more than we were planning to pay at our other hotel.  But the bride was insistent and said it was completely screwing them over if we didn’t because I guess they had rented it out figuring someone would take it.  We gave in because it was causing more drama than necessary but I haven’t bought a gift yet so we did show up empty handed.  We’ll probably do something but I have a hard time just giving them cash when I feel like we gave them $500 even though we did get to stay in the room.

    Post # 9
    Member
    429 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    to be fair, we were invited to a friends destination wedding and i literally asked the question outloud (to my FI only), “If the wedding is in Jamaica and its a $2,000 “reduced” package price, are we still required to bring a gift too?”

    FI said ‘of course’. however, theres no f’ing way we can afford to drop $2000 on someone else’s wedding when we’re planning our own.

    Post # 10
    Member
    228 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: February 2011

    Oh I took the poll before I read that you meant not giving a gift at all!  I know in etiquette books it says that you have up to a year to send the bride and groom a gift.  My FH and I have sent gifts early and presented special gifts to our close friends after their weddings.  I would attend a wedding empty handed, but I would NEVER not get the lucky couple a gift!

    Post # 11
    Member
    339 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    I don’t think the OP is saying that having a wedding = the right to lots of gifts.  I think she’s saying that, assuming your guests have common courtesy, they would give the couple a gift or a card congratulating them on this special occassion.

    It’s kind of circular, really – no, the hosts of the wedding should not expect gifts, per se, but if guests do have proper etiquette, some token of appreciation would be presented to them, so in a way, gifts/cards are expected, but not in the I-invited-you-so-you-buy-me-something way.  I believe it’s expected as it is proper to do so – just as it is proper to not go to someone’s house empty-handed. 

    As for me, most of my friends are poor graduate students like myself and probably much less versed in wedding etiquette lol – so although my feelings won’t be hurt if we don’t receive a present, I would probably be a little upset if we didn’t at least get a card saying congratulations.

    Post # 12
    Member
    279 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    I agree with VirginaMarie 100%.

    I would decline the invite before I attended a wedding without giving an envelope.

    Post # 13
    Member
    681 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2017

    I would absolutely NEVER attend a wedding without a gift or card or something. While my view of an appropriate gift has changed as I have seen firsthand what goes into a wedding, I have always brought a gift from the B&Gs registry.

    I’m just not sure that I can be convinced that $.99-$4.00 is a significant enough financial burden to justify skipping out on a card. If you can make it to the wedding, I really think you should be able to pick up a card. Maybe I’m just asking too much though.

    Post # 14
    Member
    2821 posts
    Sugar bee

    Exactly qui – As a guest you should bring a gift but as a host you shouldn’t expect it from everyone (or hold it against them if they don’t).  And having a lot of young friends/single guy friends I have much different expectations from them than my parents friends.

    Oh and about the card, if someone didn’t attend my wedding a card is nice but I’d 10x more prefer a phone call or email.  I know this is different than most people but I feel like a card is kinda a cop out.  And if they attended my wedding I know I meant enough for them to travel and attend, I don’t need a card.  If all I got was a card I’d wonder why they wasted the paper and feel sorry for the tree (perhaps weird but it’s my honest thought)

    Post # 15
    Member
    455 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    Are cards considered empty handed?  I’ve gone to weddings with just a card expressing well wishes.

    Post # 16
    Member
    3564 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    I would never ever attend empty handed–I would at least bring a card with $20 in it. I wouldn’t be able to attend with a clear conscious if I didn’t at least do that. And as a bride, if a guests did come empty handed, I would be offended…I agree with @lampshade that picking up a $.99 card shouldn’t be too much to ask.

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