Post # 1
Alright – I want to approach a topic that have been floating around the boards the last couple of days from a different perspective.
Would you, as a guest, ever attend a wedding empty handed? (EDIT – And by empty handed I mean never give the couple any sort of wedding gift.) (I’m venturing to bet that most of you will say no, but we’ll see what the poll says). Assuming you’d never do this, why is it inappropriate to expect the same at your own wedding?
I know from other posts that different cultures / areas have different perspectives on what type of gift people bring, but I’d say its that same accross all cultures to say that if you attend a wedding, it is common courtesy to bring a gift!
Some bees have been claiming that they really won’t even notice who doesn’t bring them a gift and I think that is total BS. We all like to talk like we expect nothing of our guests, but we were all raised to behave certain ways and expect certain things in different situations (such as bringing a gift to a wedding is common courtesy). These things we were raised with don’t just disappear when it comes time to plan a wedding.
Post # 3
Hmmm…strange way of wording this poll/post.
I would attend a wedding empty handed if I had previously sent them a gift off their registry, or was traveling to the wedding and had the gift shipped directly to them.
Is that what you mean? Or are you talking about not giving a wedding gift AT ALL?
Post # 4
I absolutely don’t EXPECT my wedding guests to bring me gifts. I think the expectation of gifts is ridiculous, and if that is indeed how you were raised it makes me sad for you.
Would I EVER attend a wedding emtpy handed? I don’t know, I haven’t faced that situtation yet. If I absolutely couldn’t afford anything I probably would (well, I’d still bring a card).
Post # 5
NEVER IN MY LIFE. I’d decide to not go to a wedding than to go empty handed.
Post # 6
I’m talking about not giving a gift at all. I think it perfectly acceptable (and quite appreciated actually) to send gifts to the B&G early.
But many bees have been posting lately about how is is so awful to expect anything from guests or to be disappointed if someone doesn’t give you anything when they attend your wedding/reception. I’m asking why if we personally would never attend without giving a gift (which I’m guessing would be most people’s perspective), we can’t expect the same of our guests?
Post # 7
I would never go to a wedding empty handed, I always bring a card/check. HOWEVER I think a lot of people waste their energy worrying about when/why people don’t bring gifts. Yeah, I expect my guests to bring me a card at the very least, but I invite people to my wedding I want to share my day with and I’m not going to get bent out of shape if they come empty handed.
Post # 8
I’m still debating on a gift for a DW we attended. We were stuck in a hotel the week before the wedding that we hadn’t signed up for and was $500 more than we were planning to pay at our other hotel. But the bride was insistent and said it was completely screwing them over if we didn’t because I guess they had rented it out figuring someone would take it. We gave in because it was causing more drama than necessary but I haven’t bought a gift yet so we did show up empty handed. We’ll probably do something but I have a hard time just giving them cash when I feel like we gave them $500 even though we did get to stay in the room.
Post # 9
to be fair, we were invited to a friends destination wedding and i literally asked the question outloud (to my FI only), “If the wedding is in Jamaica and its a $2,000 “reduced” package price, are we still required to bring a gift too?”
FI said ‘of course’. however, theres no f’ing way we can afford to drop $2000 on someone else’s wedding when we’re planning our own.
Post # 10
Oh I took the poll before I read that you meant not giving a gift at all! I know in etiquette books it says that you have up to a year to send the bride and groom a gift. My FH and I have sent gifts early and presented special gifts to our close friends after their weddings. I would attend a wedding empty handed, but I would NEVER not get the lucky couple a gift!
Post # 11
I don’t think the OP is saying that having a wedding = the right to lots of gifts. I think she’s saying that, assuming your guests have common courtesy, they would give the couple a gift or a card congratulating them on this special occassion.
It’s kind of circular, really – no, the hosts of the wedding should not expect gifts, per se, but if guests do have proper etiquette, some token of appreciation would be presented to them, so in a way, gifts/cards are expected, but not in the I-invited-you-so-you-buy-me-something way. I believe it’s expected as it is proper to do so – just as it is proper to not go to someone’s house empty-handed.
As for me, most of my friends are poor graduate students like myself and probably much less versed in wedding etiquette lol – so although my feelings won’t be hurt if we don’t receive a present, I would probably be a little upset if we didn’t at least get a card saying congratulations.
Post # 12
I agree with VirginaMarie 100%.
I would decline the invite before I attended a wedding without giving an envelope.
Post # 13
I would absolutely NEVER attend a wedding without a gift or card or something. While my view of an appropriate gift has changed as I have seen firsthand what goes into a wedding, I have always brought a gift from the B&Gs registry.
I’m just not sure that I can be convinced that $.99-$4.00 is a significant enough financial burden to justify skipping out on a card. If you can make it to the wedding, I really think you should be able to pick up a card. Maybe I’m just asking too much though.
Post # 14
Exactly qui – As a guest you should bring a gift but as a host you shouldn’t expect it from everyone (or hold it against them if they don’t). And having a lot of young friends/single guy friends I have much different expectations from them than my parents friends.
Oh and about the card, if someone didn’t attend my wedding a card is nice but I’d 10x more prefer a phone call or email. I know this is different than most people but I feel like a card is kinda a cop out. And if they attended my wedding I know I meant enough for them to travel and attend, I don’t need a card. If all I got was a card I’d wonder why they wasted the paper and feel sorry for the tree (perhaps weird but it’s my honest thought)
Post # 15
Are cards considered empty handed? I’ve gone to weddings with just a card expressing well wishes.
Post # 16
I would never ever attend empty handed–I would at least bring a card with $20 in it. I wouldn’t be able to attend with a clear conscious if I didn’t at least do that. And as a bride, if a guests did come empty handed, I would be offended…I agree with @lampshade that picking up a $.99 card shouldn’t be too much to ask.