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I mean, would you ever consider BEING a surrogate for someone else?
I had a dream last night that my brother and his wife (IRL, my brother isn't married, haha) were having trouble TTC and asked me to be their surrogate. My reaction (in the dream) was to say yes immediately, so glad to help them! But my husband got upset (in the dream) because we haven't had kids yet, and he thought it was weird that I would have someone else's baby before ours, but eventually he decided it was okay, because it was like getting to do a test run on being pregnant, so that I could decide if I ever wanted to get pregnant and have kids ... hahahaha, ridiculous, but obviously that's because it was a dream!
It got me to thinking though - would you ever consider being a surrogate for someone?
Honestly, no. I wouldn't even do it for a close friend or relative. It is very invasive, carrying a baby that isn't even your for 9 months, going through delivery, etc.
I love how some people are willing to do that, I am just more selfish than they are, I guess!
DH and I talked about this when Keith Urban and Nicole Kidman announced they had another baby by surrogate. I told him if they came up to me and asked me to do that, HELL YA (cha-ching), he was not amused lol. In everyday life I don't think I could. It reminds me of FRIENDS when Phoebe does that and then becomes attached to the babies. I wouldn't want to give the baby up after those 9 months.
I would absolutely be a surrogate, doesn't matter if it's for friends, family, or through an agency. I definitely want to try surrogacy after I've had a child or two of my own. I would never consider it BEFORE having my own kids though; it seems like it would be too hard to carry a child for 9 months and then give it to it's parents, while if I already had kids I think it would be less of an issue.
Along the same lines, I would also love to donate eggs. I feel so terrible for couples who are unable to have children, I really do want to help any way I can!
I would. For someone I really love, someone who I know desperately wants a child and would be a great parent. I'd never make the decision on my own, it would be a serious discussion between me and my husband, but if he was okay with it, and the arrangement worked for everyone involved, I would consider it. It would be such an amazing gift, and an incredible bond to have with the child of a loved one.
I am so selfish I couldn't go through all of that just to give the baby away. You bond so much with the baby while it is still in your belly, I would be entirely too attached and I would feel entitled =)
I think I could do it for someone close. Of course, I haven't had kids yet so I don't know how much I love or hate being pregnant. ;-) The hardest part would be handing the baby over to the parents for sure, but if they were there and involved the whole time it seems like that would make a big difference.
Yeah, I think I could definitely do it for either of my sisters but I don't think they would be likely to consider it.
This totally reminds me of Phoebe's surrogacy experience on Friends. Anyone?
But yeah, for family I would. I have considered maybe one day being asked to do it for my youngest sister. She has spina biffada and neurofibromatosis, and is also very very smal for her age. She wants kids - badly - and if she is ever unable to have them I would be glad to.
However, I may not be able to have any of my own anyways. I have PCOS and am unsure if I'll be able to conceive on my own. SO, it may be a moot point for me. But if I CAN, and she NEEDS me to. I would.
I think I would for a close family member or friend. I would be worried about getting attached to the baby though. & I think I would want to make sure I was done having children of my own. It would be an incredible thing to do for someone who couldn't have children.
@AmeliaBedelia: hey I said that in my post :) Poor Pheebs
Definitely, assuming that I find that I like being pregnant. If I turn out to be miserable during my pregnancies then no, but at this point, I've always thought I'd love to be a surrogate for someone after we have kids. My sister and I have always had a pact that if one of us had difficulty getting pregnant we would do whatever it took for the other- be surrogates, donate eggs, etc.
I voted that I'd consider if for a close friend or relative, and I think that I would consider it, but I don't know if I'd ever actually do it. It would have to be after I've had kids of my own, and it would have to be someone I was very very close to, that desperately wanted a child of their own, and, as awful as I know this is going to sound, someone that I thought deserved it. And of course my husband would have to be 110% behind it.
I'm not sure all of those things would ever line up, and even if they did, I'm not sure I'm unselfish enough to do it...but until those specific circumstances arose, I really don't know what my decision would be.
I was never much into Friends, but has anyone else seen Baby Mama? I think part of what got this into my dreams was watching that movie!
*not that that's what surrogacy would really be like, obviously!*
I would do it for my sister. But pretty much only her. Pregnancy is a big deal, and I wouldn't feel comfortable going through all that, not to mention giving up the baby. And I think I definitely wouldn't do it before having kids of my own. But if my baby sister gets married one day and can't carry the child herself, I think I would probably do it and feel wonderful about it.
Definitely, I would do it for family or friends and I would have to really consider it for someone I didn't know. (I would want to have children of my own first.) I give blood very often, I'm on the bone marrow registry and I'm considering doing egg donation. So yeah I would do it for anyone. I'm kinda obsessed with helping people out. I don't know why maybe because I always wanted to go to med school and since I didn't go down that path, I decided to do other things to save a life or help a life. (Well within reason, I wouldn't want to give my kidney to someone I didn't know because I want to save it for my kids or my family.)
not surrogacy (im too selfish & vane to do that to my body) but i would consider donating eggs
I've got to say no. Pregnancy is so hard on your body and there are so many things that can go wrong-- I'm not sure I'd be willing to take that risk or that toll on myself for someone else's child. I feel like if someone wants kids and they can't have them there are other options they could and should consider. Maybe I would feel differently though if I had a sister (I don't).
I think I would only consider it if it were one of my siblings asking, but it would still be a maybe. everyone else gets a no. I'd have a hard time giving the baby up.
I always thought I would carry a child for someone after I had children of my own. I did not want to have any family ties to the child though, I did not want to see them at family functions or anything. I thought that may be too hard. Little did I know that 5 years later I would find out I have a "hostile environment" and can not carry to term. To the ladies on here who feel they could not do it, kudos to you for being able to recognize it is not for you, and to the ladies on here who would consider it I love how you have said it would have to be a decision between you and your significant other rather than a decision you would make all on your own.
It took me so long to convince myself that pregnancy and having a baby is for me - there's no way I'd go through all of that for someone else. I do think it's wonderful that some women can be surrogates, it's just not for me.
I do not want children of my own, but I would like to know what it's like to be pregnant. I would be willing to be a surrogate for family or a close friend, but not having had a child of my own, I'm not sure that I would be "eligible", as I'm fairly certain most fertility clinics prefer/require that the surrogate have already had a child.
I would do it for my sister, but that's pretty much it. With anyone else I think I would be way too selfish and way too attached. My sister has been TTC for over four years with IUI and IVF to no avail, so the topic has come up. If she ever asked me, I would do it in a heartbeat with her. Probably because I would be able to see my niece/nephew all the time!
My brother actually asked me if I would ever do this for him (I won't go into why because that's his business). So I've considered it and I'd think about it if it came down to it. I told him it'd really depend on things at the time but I'm just not sure I'd be comfortable with it.
I would do it for my sister. She has a host of medical problems that make it very unlikely she will ever be able to carry a child, and surrogacy is something my mom asked me to consider years ago. I know how badly my sister wants children, and if I can help her have them, I will.
I think I would do it after I had experienced my own pregnancy. If I had difficulty with my own pregnancy (pre-e, GD, etc) then I would probably reconsider.
@SecretName: That was another thing I said I would have to consider is how my pregnancies go. I've known two people with horrible pregnancies so depending on the severity of something if something happens then I'd have to reconsider it.
My first reaction is no. I don't do pregnancy and delivery well anyway, but my real concern is that I would become too attached to the baby. I might might consider it for my sister, but as she is older than me and does not want more children, it is easy for me to say that.
I am assuming that the situation in question would have me just carrying a baby that genetically belonged to the would-be parents. There is no way at all I'd consider it if the mother was unable to supply eggs of her own and I was to carry a baby that was genetically mine as a surrogate.
I don't know... I'm really torn about it. I might conider it if I had already had kids and my sister couldn't carry a child. But I don't know if I could carry a baby (even if it isn't MY baby) for 9 months and then give it to my sister, emotionally that might break me.
I would like to say that I would... But I don't know if I could.
I think that I would be able to be a surrogate for one of my siblings but I'd only do it if DH was okay with it and if we've had our own children first. I know it would be really hard to hand that child over at the end of 9 months, but if one of my siblings needed that from me, I'd have a really hard time turning them down.
Childbirth terrifies me. I barely even want to do it for myself!
I don't think I could do it. Giving birth to Addie was one of the most incredible moments of my life. It was so overwhelming and emotional, I don't think I could give away the baby after an experience like that. It would just be too hard.
A friend of mine and his partner really want kids, and they are currently looking for a surrogate. After I had Addie, he asked me if I would consider carrying their child, and I had to seriously think about it. I felt terrible saying that no, I couldn't do it, but they understood. The route they're going now is looking for women who have been surrogates before, which I think is a lot better, since those women know what it is like and what to expect.
Possibly for my sister if she had been unable to have kids. She does have one and I don't have any yet so this is now a moot point for me.
I would do it for my brother or my husband's sister and that's it. I would want to continue to be in the baby's life. I also would have to be done having my own children and have had healthy pregnancies with them. And of course my husband would have to be on board.
I don't think I would consider it. I'm absolutely, 100% for people making whatever reproductive choices they feel best for them, but personally I just don't get surrogacy when there are so many children waiting to be adopted. though I'm saying this now before I have kids or even tried to conceive so maybe I'm just talking out of my a$$. I mean, I would be emotionally supportive of someone I was close who was pursuing it, but I don't think I'd be comfortable actually participating in it myself
I never, ever, ever want to be pregnant so I wouldn't be able to be a surrogate. However, once I recognized that I don't ever want kids, I did donate my eggs twice - that was painful, time consuming and difficult, but I'm glad I did it!
My best friend probably won't be able to carry her own children (because of issues she's been dealing with forever) and I've already told her I would be more than happy to carry her children for her. This girl was meant to be a mother, and just happens to have a crappy uterus...if I can help her in any way I will. But fi says she has to live with us while her baby is in my belly so she can be at my beck and call for ice cream, etc. haha.
@MandaMack: That is too cute! I think if someone else was carrying my child I would would to be around to suppor them as much as possible as well.
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