Would you ever return a gift from FMIL/close family member?

posted 2 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 2
Member
1441 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Something like that, I wouldn’t return because unless she never comes to your house, she will notice.  I debated putting one on our registry but realized we didn’t have the counter space.  Then again, my registry only had about 15 things on it, because we really didn’t want much and we made sure we absolutely wanted and needed (and had room for) the things we registered for.

Post # 3
Member
1007 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

My MIL gave us a single place setting of the china that we registered for when we got married. Since she was the only one that gave us the single setting, and it was a MUCH better deal to buy the whole thing as a big set, we returned it for store credit. We gave her a heads up, and she was cool with it. As long as you are up front about the reasoning I don’t see any reason for her to get upset. I mean, she bought it off your registry…it’s not like she knitted it and/or spent weeks hand making it for you. 

Post # 4
Member
395 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

Don’t return it. Just because you don’t use it now doesn’t mean you won’t in the future. And I don’t keep mine out, but it’s a great thing to pull out around Christmas cookie time!

also, your FMIL chose to purchase a high priced item on your registry expecting you to be excited about it. I think it would make her feel bad if she ever found out you returned it.

Post # 5
Member
4410 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I know my MIL would notice and be annoyed if we returned a gift like that. It’s not worth the potential drama. She’ll wonder why you put it on your registry at all. 

Just keep it; we also have one and our kitchen is too small to leave it out all the time. We leave it under the sink and pull it out when we need it. 

Post # 6
Member
227 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

My FMIL would be looking for it every time she was in my kitchen.  Honestly, you are better off keeping it and just putting it out when she comes to visit.

Post # 7
Member
852 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

 

texaslemon:  I exchanged a ton of stuff and frankly I didn’t feel at all guilty about it.  After my shower and wedding, I took an inventory of everything I received.  I realized that there were items still on the registry that I really wanted and needed.  So my DH and I took a bunch of stuff back to the store and did some exchanges.  In the end, it is your house and your gifts and you need to do what works best for you. 

Post # 8
Member
9533 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

If it hadn’t been on your registry, and if it wasn’t your FMIL, I might consider returning it. But, in that situation, I wouldn’t return it. I gifted some friends a Kitchen Aide Mixer and I am always kind of happy when I see it sitting on their counter. So I would look at this as a gift, not as a dollar amount to spend on  other things. Even if you don’t use it much now, those things are built really well and should last a long time. So maybe hope for more counter space in the future! 

Post # 9
Member
888 posts
Busy bee

You could say something to her about how much you love it but now youre realising how big it is and ‘oh no! we dont have space- stupid tiny apartment!’. She may say you can return it and then you can or if she doesnt I would just keep it. If it was anyone else I would probably return but MIL will be round alot and will definitely notice. 

Post # 10
Member
6891 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Normally, there is nothing wrong with returning a gift quietly. But in this case, I’d probably just suck it up. You are the one who asked for an expensive mixer and she will obviously notice.  Unless you know for sure that she’s really not the type to care at all, I think it does come off as a bit demanding and ungracious. Registries are skating that line anyway. I’d just feel like this is worse. 

If it makes a difference, I had my my Kitchenaid for awhile before really starting to make use of it and feel like I “grew into it” especially after having kids.  You might not be so inclined to spend that kind of money so fast in the future. 

Post # 11
Member
5222 posts
Bee Keeper

Trust me, once you use it– you’ll never go back to a hand mixer again. 

 

I also wouldn’t return it because I think it would be pretty insulting. You put it on the registry, she went in with the intent to buy you something she thought you’d really enjoy at a pricepoint a lot of people wouldn’t go to. I don’t see how that won’t cause some hurt feelings.

Post # 12
Member
5016 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

texaslemon:  If she never, ever comes to your house (which I think it probably not likely), then yes. Otherwise…absolutely not. Trust me, she will notice!

Post # 13
Hostess
9919 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

texaslemon:  I would tell her.  I would just be honest, hey MIL, we really appreciate you getting us the mixer, but we’ve since realized that it’s not something we’re going to get much use out of and we really don’t have the space at the moment.  We were thinking we might exchange it for XX but we wanted to let you know.

 

Post # 14
Member
6507 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

I’m usually fine with returning gifts, however, in this case I wouldn’t return it. You had it on your registry and if your FMIL is anything like my MIL she will notice. Do you do any baking at all? Perhaps in the future with a larger kitchen you will use it.

Otherwise, speak to your husband and see how he thinks his mom will feel if you do return it. And if you do return it I would speak to her about it so it’s not a surprise.

Post # 15
Member
3711 posts
Sugar bee

Have a heart to heart, with your MIL. Or have your husband do it. She probably has noticed that it’s never sitting out, and possibly never used?  Common sense and practicality should prevail. If she seems so butt-hurt about your suggestion, she can store it at her house, until you get a bigger place.

My first daughter to marry registered for one and received it at her shower, from some very close friends. It was sitting in her pantry for a year before her sister was engaged and registering for gifts. She said for her not to bother. It’s too large to sit out on the counter all the time and takes up too much space, considering it will only be used a couple of times a year, in both their situations.

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