Post # 1
My friend’s brother is 25 and is still in college (not because he started late, but bc he doesn’t want to study, parties all the time, and keeps failing classes).
He’s parents supports him financially so he has no problem with staying in college even longer!! His parents are very poor, struggling financially, and making just above poverty level. They are not paying for his tuition bc they can’t, so he’s taking out student loans, but has maxed out since he spends all of his money drinking and partying.
The parents give him money for gas, food, etc, and of course he spends all of that on partying and booze too. They don’t even scold him for failing class, just happy that he’s in college and HOPE that he finishes soon. Ahhh unconditional love? I would be furious if he’s my kid.
Ah, I guess my question is would you support your kid still at 25? What age would you cut them off?
Post # 3
I think it would be situational. I would sure as hell hope I wasn’t, but if they were being responsible and really working hard and still struggling, then yeah. I think my husband and I would do what we could to help, but not let them become dependent on us. If our kid(s) were acting like idiots and not taking things seriously, then most likely not. 25 is more than old enough (by several years in my opinion) to learn how to act responsibily and support yourself.
Post # 4
Haha that sounds like my FBIL. They pay for everything for him and are in complete denial of his drinking problem. In this case I would not support a 25 year old but, as PP said if the child was working hard and still struggling I definitely would help.
Post # 5
I had no help since I left home (not because I had cruel parents but because I didnt need it). I also really respect DH’s parents approach. They always told their kids, we will help you as long as you are helping yourself. Meaning if they were in a bad way, but were trying to find a job, going back to school, etc. they would help them. But if they were partying and not progressing with their education they were on their own.
Post # 6
@weddingbee098: Nope. Not under those circumstances at least. I would support my child as long as they needed if they were in a tough spot due to no real fault of their own. But, just because thye were lazy and liked to party? No way. My parents paid for my undergrad degree, but always said you have 4 years to get it done. After that, you’re on your own. They also helped me out through grad school as I needed it, but I was working 3 jobs while going to school and doing the best I could but it just wasn’t cutting it.
Post # 7
I will help to the point of obtaining an undergraduate degree, after that they are on their own. They can always work for a while then go back to school. Learning is a lifelong thing to me.
If they are being party animals and not putting in the work, they may not even get help to that point.
Post # 8
I will still be financially supported at 25. I’m doing a 6 year college course and started a year late so I’ll just be finishing up my undergrad. There’s not really a culture of big student loans here and there’s no way I could work enough to support myself and still keep up my grades.
Post # 9
No the failing class would be my cut off point. We plan to help get our kids through undergrad, but they have to at least be trying.
Post # 10
@weddingbee098: my parents support me and I am 25. I had a rough period after high school and started college late, but I get good grades and am graduating in May. I guess it depends on the situation. My parents are well off so paying my rent doesn’t effect the way they live. Once I graduate I am expected to get a job and pay my own way, which is what I want to do. I don’t think I could ever cut my child off and watch them struggle, but I don’t think id be able to justify supporting them if they weren’t doing well in school.
Post # 11
What you described in your OP, oh hell no. That child would be out on his ear so fast. If going to school full time and actually working their ass off trying to graduate yes would help out but the child would be expected to do their fair shair of house work to chores to maintain living here.
Post # 12
@weddingbee098: no. if he chooses to do nothing with his life, then no, I can’t support that.
If the situation were different, like he was in school and working part time, then yes, I could help out financially. But I would expect that at 25 years old, he start acting like an adult and not a teenager
Post # 13
- Wedding: July 2013 - The front lawn of our church
@weddingbee098: Not if it’s because they’re irresponsible. But I think that starts much younger than 25… or even 18 for that matter. Even as children, people should be taught responsibility. For example, I think kids should be taught to clean their own room, and teens should be held responsible for their money. If kids grow up having everything handed to them, it’s no wonder that they don’t know how to be responsible when they turn 18 and are considered “adults.”
ETA: I am all for parents helping their older children if they’re being responsible and working hard. My DH lived with his parents while he was in college, but he was a full-time student, plus he had a job, paid his own bills, and helped out around the house. He just lived with them because he could pay minimal rent and not have to take out as many student loans.
Post # 14
- Wedding: May 2014 - Madison, WI
Depends on the situation. In the situation OP mentioned, no..I would not.
I moved out at 24 right after finishing grad school. I liked being able to commute from home to grad school and it kept me from going into too much debt for my graduate degree. I worked part time during the school year and full time during the summers. I was able to buy my first new car and paid for most of my own expenses. After that I got a job, got my own place and supported myself. My parents did help with some expenses when I moved out but it was more as a gift not anything I needed to survive.
My brother is turning 26 this year though and still lives at home. He graduated college in 5 years, but has been unable to get a job. He did a one year unpaid full time intership in his field (sports jounalism) and then that lead to a job as editor in chief of an online sports blog but that really doesn’t pay enough to support himself. I personally think he could be working any other job to make some more money while waiting for his career as a sports journalist to turn into something he can live off of…He applied for a couple jobs but nothing panned out. I think he’s just too comfortable living at home. My parents bought him his brand new car, give him money for clothes, food, etc… There are times I think my Mom is ready to push him out the door but I can’t really see that happening. I know he struggles with mild depression and anxiety but I hope he gets things together soon.
Post # 15
@weddingbee098: What a bum. People like this make me so mad sometimes because I bust my butt to work AND put myself through school. Same with people I see partying away their Financial Aid money. They just take it for granted.
If they were actually going through school and trying their best then yes I would. I would still probably want them to have a part time job depending on the work load
Post # 16
He can still be on the insurance at 26 too. No i wouldn’t support my child at 25, not like that. If they were working and trying to put themselves through school, I’d help out, but he’s essentially being treated like a 16 year old. They created this monster, I don’t forsee him changing at all.