Post # 1
Ok, so I am interested in bee opinions on this. It’s not a huge deal, and I think I may be getting upset due to pregnancy hormones, but…
I received a Christmas card today from a friend of mine who I’ve know since before I was married and who attended our wedding over a year ago – the full ceremony – and who therefore knows that I took my husband’s name since we were announced as ‘Mr and Mrs (myhusbandsname)’. Also the thank you card from our wedding had a label on with our new surname.
The thing is she adressed the Christmas card to JUST me AND used my maiden name. She also used my maiden name on my birthday card. I didn’t correct her as it seemed like an oversight…but now the Christmas card doesn’t even acknowledge my husband inside the card?
I know it’s a small thing, but I can’t help feel a bit hurt that she is not acknowledging my new name and husband.
Post # 3
I sometimes use my girl friends maiden names when talking about them, but it’s always an oversight on my part. It’s hard to get used to their new names after knowing them for 10 or 20 years!
But i would never leave their husband off a Christmas card sent to their house. Sounds like this coule a passive agressive thing?
Post # 4
Maybe she forgot, NBD. (I doubt it was personal.)
Post # 5
- Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall
That is strange, it’s like she forgot your married. I don’t think she’s purposely trying to offend you or leaving your husband out… but it is very odd IMO.
Post # 6
I would acknowledge it with her. But in a joking way. Say, “Hey! Thank you so much for the card, it was so cute. At first I didn’t know if it was for me with my maiden name on there since I haven’t seen it in so long! Thanks again!”
Post # 7
I’m wondering if she uses a spreadsheet for stuff like my mom. She sent a card out without updating a married name this year and had to send an apology card. Maybe she uses the same sort of thing?
Post # 8
@lizardloo: That is excatly what I was going to say.
This would so not be a big deal to me, and personally I wouldn’t even mention it.
Post # 9
Although it might be annoying, I think it can also be a matter of getting use to calling someone by a different last name. I know it takes me a while to get used to calling someone by a different last name, specially since I don’t use it that much (just their first name).
Post # 10
Lol no, since my husband still has a hard time getting my new name right after 6 months! On the phone with customer service people he still uses my maiden name, and gets a kick out of seeing the new name on credit card receipts, etc.
Post # 11
the maiden name thing wouldn’t bug me, but the christmas card only to you and not both you and your husband would
Post # 12
I joke with my friends that we’re never actually changing to the new name in our phones and conversations. I’ve known them since I was 11 and it’s just what I’ve always called them! I’m sure I’ll slowly transition over to their new names a few years after they’re married, but to me it’s kind of cute.
Post # 13
I’m probably not changing my name and my FI is probably going to change to mine but I wouldn’t be offended and I doubt he will be offended when people refer to him by his “bachelor name,” which I think is going to be inevitable.
Post # 14
It would depend….it could be an oversight or it could be a way as to show they do not agree with your marriage. It would get annoying if it happened repeatedly.
Post # 15
I have a friend who still uses my maiden name slightly passive aggressively. I get why you’re perturbed. 😉 With most people, I’d say it’s an oversight, but if there are underlying reasons that she may be addressing you like that, then yeah, I’d be a bit annoyed.
Post # 16
I have a recently married friend who’s still in my phone by her maiden name, and when talking about her, I still usually refer to her by her maiden name. She has a very common first name, and my older family members who are friends with her older family members only know who I’m talking about if I mention her maiden name. I would never send her a Christmas card with it, AND not acknowledge her husband.