(Closed) Would you give a gift?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Would you get a gift for the couple?
    No : (36 votes)
    53 %
    Yes : (29 votes)
    43 %
    other : (3 votes)
    4 %
  • Post # 3
    3170 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I think that’s really sweet of you. We got a gift card from a family friend that was not invited and we really appreciated it. Very nice of you!

    Post # 4
    4439 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

    @sienna76:  I wouldn’t personally because I’m a scrooge and reading your post I’m wondering why they didn’t invite you!  It’s definitely very nice of you if you do tho!

    Post # 5
    4771 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I had a situation like you.  My cousin also didn’t really invite me or my fam becasue he thought “we wouldn’t go anyway.” But we visited them like a few weeks before not even knowing about the wedding adn if we were invited we would ahve planed to be there.  So I felt quite bad about it.  My mom gave them a gift anyway though, but I wouldn’t.

    I think that’s really bold not to invite you but your entire fam.  Ouch.

    Post # 6
    206 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    Perhaps they didn’t invite you because they figured you couldn’t come and they didn’t want you to feel obligated to sending a gift.  There are some people I will have to invite that I know can’t come but my mom wants to make sure they are invited out of courtesy/so they don’t feel snubbed.  I feel bad about doing that bc I feel like it’s just asking for a gift, even though that’s really not the case. 

    Post # 7
    7771 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    I think that is nice of you, you obviously care for this cousin so I think you are doing the right thing and being the bigger person.  Well done.

    Post # 8
    955 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @LizzyR:  I have to agree with this post…..to a T!


    It’s nice of you to send a gift, even if you’re not invited to the wedding.  

    Post # 9
    713 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    @sienna76:  I don’t think that gift-giving should be about whether you were invited or not. If you want to give a gift, you do so because you want to do something nice, not because you got a peice of paper in the mail that made you feel obligated to do so. So sienna76 I think that if you are thinking about a $50 Target GC then you should absolutely do it. I’m sure the bride and groom will appreciate the extra thought and it will give you warm fuzzies to know that you are helping them out.

    Post # 10
    11752 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I would (and usually do) send people wedding gifts if I’m relatively close with them despite not being invited.

    Post # 11
    3039 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    It’s very nice of you to want to send a gift. Personally I wouldn’t have done it, not if everyone else but me was invited.

    Post # 13
    9216 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

    If you can afford it, I think it’s a really nice gesture to still give them a gift.

    WTH though, why didn’t they invite you?!  Maybe it’s a super limited guest list?  Could your invite have gotten lost?!  

    I know this is technically bad etiquette, but if I were you, I would ask my mom to investigate (eg ask her brother or sister, the parent of the cousin getting married)… Mostly out of curiosity!

    Post # 14
    2183 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: November 2011 - Florida Aquarium

    I wouldn’t- but under the circumstances you explained, it seems like you want to. Give a gift if you like– he certainly won’t be upset! I think it’s very kind of you.

    Post # 15
    1375 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I probably wouldn’t give a gift, since I wasn’t invited, but ultimately it’s up to you.  A wedding invitation should never come with an expectation of a gift, so the lack of an invitation should not hold any expectations either.

    Post # 16
    6015 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: March 2012

    I’d do it.  You sound like a great cousin!  I’m sure the only reason you’re not invited was because they didn’t think that you could make it, and didn’t want the invite to be seen as a gift grab.  I think you should send a nice card along with whatever you decide to do, just letting him know you’re thinking of him.  I’m sure it would mean the world to him!

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