Normally I would say I wouldn't go- she must not consider your DH as close as she is letting on, or she probably would have been at your wedding or sent a card or something.
However- if DH wants to go and catch up with his friends, I see no reason to begrudge him that just out of spite for this woman. Go, have fun, meet some of his old buddies, drink her alcohol, eat her food, and leave a nice card and a small gift.
No need to deny your DH a chance to catch up with all his friends just because this particular girl was thoughtless/careless/rude.
@FutureMrsCookie: I would go. I would give them a small gift off of their registry or a $25 gift card. Unless your husband decides he wants to gift them more than his presence I think that would be appropriate.
I would let my hubby make the call. It's his friend. If he wants to go, I'd go with him. And I'd give a gift because that's the right thing to do.
If your DH wants to see his high school friends (and knows they'll be there), you might as well go as it is his friend(s) after all. Treat her how you would have wanted her to treat you, and know that you're the bigger person. At least, if it were my FI's friends, that's what I would do because I think he would disapprove if I acted spiteful!
eh some people are weird about these things. who knows what her reasons were for not being more in touch or sending a card. if your husband wants to go and it won't be a big inconvenience, then go. have a good time, don't sink to her level.
I say go. It's probably not worth the potential arguement you might have with your DH when you explain why you don't want to go (men really don't get those kinds of etiquette things). Like others said, go for your DH and have fun with his friends and let the gift choice be up to your husband, since it is his friend.
@missrobots: +1
And I would let DH pick the gift amount, but I wouldn't let it be nearly as much as I would give someone who is close to me who DID show up to my wedding.
From a strictly Etiquette point of view (afterall this is the ETIQUETTE BOARD) ...
It isn't appropriate to make these types of comparissons... tit-for-tat
BUT, I understand it because it is human nature.
IF Hubby wants to catch up with Friends, I'd definitely say you guys should go... and do RSVP in a timely fashion (just because she had bad manners doesn't mean you guys should too)
Personally, if it was me... I'd get her a small gift (under $ 50) as well...
Lol, knowing full well tho that chances are good you'll never see a Thank You Note for it. 
*wink*
(Unless planning her own Wedding has meant she's seen the light... on Manners & Wedding Etiquette... only time will tell... lol, she does have afterall a year to send you that hand-written heartfelt thank you )
Hope this helps,
I don't see a problem. On a scale of 1 to 10 (10 being the worst), her transgression was a 1, maybe a 2. Yes she forgot to RSVP, but that was the worst thing she did and lots of people do this; and she gave an answer when called. If you don't attend, sending a card is nice but optional. I'd definitely go.
As for the gift, well the cost of feeding the two of you will almost certainly outweigh any gift; and the fact she didn't attend your wedding actually saved you money. So give whatever you normally give at a friend's wedding.
I wouldn't be especially interested in going, but I would go if DH wants to go, and bring a reasonable gift. I am never going to show up with a sub-par gift. The appropriate response to rudeness is not rudeness in return.
Since your DH wants to go, you need to support that and attend with him. He most liekly wants to show off his lovely wife. As for gift, just bring a card, maybe put something small in it I you want.
@paula1248: I completely agree. I don't think what she did was that bad, unless there's something here I'm not getting. She's definitely not the first guest to have not RSVP'd on time, and she is under no obligation to send a gift/card, or make a phone call. It would be lovely if she did, and if may be your personal belief that guests should still send something in lieu of their presence at a wedding (in which case I could somewhat understand you being upset), but it's definitely not a rule.
An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind.
She stiffed you, so you want to stiff her. I see that, but it doesn't make it an appropriate social behavior.
Honestly, she didn't go to your wedding..so if she didn't send you a gift..you didn't get stiffed. If you actually go to her wedding, eat her food, drink her alcohol, and then give her a tiny gift..in my opinion that makes you tackier.
If you go, give her an appropriate gift. If you don't go, then don't feel obligated to give her anything.
Your husband wants to go. RSVP on time, meet his friends that he hasn't seen in forever, have a great time, eat, drink, and give an appropriate wedding gift. Lots of people don't RSVP in time, it happens. It's not like you paid for her +1, and they didn't show up, nor send a gift, where you felt completely burned by the whole situation. Be the better person, your husband will love you more for it. :)
Thanks everyone for the advice! You're all right, we definitely will have to go since DH really wants to see his friends, but I'm not going to be as generous as he probably would have wanted to be.
I forgot to add this to the original post, but part of the reason why I wasn't too happy about going is that her wedding will definitely require travel on our part. About a 6 hour drive or 1 hour plane ride so regardless or how much I want to spend on a gift for her, just attending her wedding is going to cost us a couple hundred dollars at the very least.
Anyhow, thanks again for all your help. I hope everyone had a Happy Thanksgiving!
I also think this is your Fi call since it's his friend. I think making him stay home when he clearly wants to go isn't fair.
You never really know what is going on in people's minds. I really don't see the need to snub her as payback. I actually think no response is much less of a problem than an RSVP yes then no-show, or attending without a gift. If he wants to go, do so graciously, and give a reasonable gift. If she wasnt interested in some level of friendship, she wouldn't have invited you & wouldnt be willing to spend her $ on feeding you. Don't escalate a conflict that needn't exist. If your DH wants to go & see old friends, go.
I would go because it's your husbands friend not yours so he gets to decide.
But...I'd be mean and consider not getting her a gift and I wouldn't remind my husband to get her one. If it were my FI he'd forget about a gift altogether.
In reality though I'd get her a small gift: towels, measuring cups or a cheap artsy piece from Ikea.
That she didn't come to my wedding would have absolutely no bearing on whether I would attend hers. What she did or did not give us would have no influence on what we purchased for them. I just don't see the connection between the two events.
If my husband wished to attend, I would go and enjoy myself.
I think this would be a very easy way to look stellar in front of his friends and to avoid looking controlling and jealous (which is always the general thought SO's resort to when being held back from anything involving another female).
But man, spending that kind of cash to join the celebration of someone you're not fond of sounds like it would make my stomach hurt too. Unfortunately it's not just the bride your FI is hoping to see, it's his friends too. Who knows, maybe when you talk with them, they'll also have stories of her being a b**** to them and not just you!
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So DH has a high school friend that he hasn't really been in contact with for years now, but for some reason still considers a really good friend...
We invited her to our wedding this year and not only did she not send an RSVP back (DH had to all her to ask if she was coming or not), but she also didn't even call to congradulate, send a card or gift for our wedding. I wasn't expecting much, but for a really good friend, at the very least a card or call would've been really nice. Now she's getting married next year and sending an invite to us. I say we don't go, but I think DH wants to see the rest of his high school friends.
So my question is, would you go? And if you did, how much of a gift would you give her?