Would You Go to Her Wedding?

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
2265 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

Normally I would say I wouldn’t go- she must not consider your DH as close as she is letting on, or she probably would have been at your wedding or sent a card or something.

However- if DH wants to go and catch up with his friends, I see no reason to begrudge him that just out of spite for this woman. Go, have fun, meet some of his old buddies, drink her alcohol, eat her food, and leave a nice card and a small gift.

No need to deny your DH a chance to catch up with all his friends just because this particular girl was thoughtless/careless/rude.

320 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013 - Makena Cove

@FutureMrsCookie:  I would go. I would give them a small gift off of their registry or a $25 gift card. Unless your husband decides he wants to gift them more than his presence I think that would be appropriate.

2109 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I would let my hubby make the call. It’s his friend. If he wants to go, I’d go with him. And I’d give a gift because that’s the right thing to do.

3812 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo

If your DH wants to see his high school friends (and knows they’ll be there), you might as well go as it is his friend(s) after all.  Treat her how you would have wanted her to treat you, and know that you’re the bigger person.  At least, if it were my FI’s friends, that’s what I would do because I think he would disapprove if I acted spiteful!

717 posts
Busy bee

eh some people are weird about these things.  who knows what her reasons were for not being more in touch or sending a card.  if your husband wants to go and it won’t be a big inconvenience, then go.  have a good time, don’t sink to her level.

213 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I say go. It’s probably not worth the potential arguement you might have with your DH when you explain why you don’t want to go (men really don’t get those kinds of etiquette things). Like others said, go for your DH and have fun with his friends and let the gift choice be up to your husband, since it is his friend.

6812 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

@missrobots:  +1

And I would let DH pick the gift amount, but I wouldn’t let it be nearly as much as I would give someone who is close to me who DID show up to my wedding. 

10219 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

From a strictly Etiquette point of view (afterall this is the ETIQUETTE BOARD) …

It isn’t appropriate to make these types of comparissons… tit-for-tat

BUT, I understand it because it is human nature.

IF Hubby wants to catch up with Friends, I’d definitely say you guys should go… and do RSVP in a timely fashion (just because she had bad manners doesn’t mean you guys should too)

Personally, if it was me… I’d get her a small gift (under $ 50) as well…

Lol, knowing full well tho that chances are good you’ll never see a Thank You Note for it.   Wink *wink*

(Unless planning her own Wedding has meant she’s seen the light… on Manners & Wedding Etiquette… only time will tell… lol, she does have afterall a year to send you that hand-written heartfelt thank you )

Hope this helps,


5155 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I don’t see a problem. On a scale of 1 to 10 (10 being the worst), her transgression was a 1, maybe a 2. Yes she forgot to RSVP, but that was the worst thing she did and lots of people do this; and she gave an answer when called. If you don’t attend, sending a card is nice but optional. I’d definitely go.

As for the gift, well the cost of feeding the two of you will almost certainly outweigh any gift; and the fact she didn’t attend your wedding actually saved you money. So give whatever you normally give at a friend’s wedding.

6407 posts
Bee Keeper

I wouldn’t be especially interested in going, but I would go if DH wants to go, and bring a reasonable gift. I am never going to show up with a sub-par gift. The appropriate response to rudeness is not rudeness in return.

2529 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Go and take a card

2788 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Since your DH wants to go, you need to support that and attend with him. He most liekly wants to show off his lovely wife. As for gift, just bring a card, maybe put something small in it I you want.

1917 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@paula1248:  I completely agree. I don’t think what she did was that bad, unless there’s something here I’m not getting. She’s definitely not the first guest to have not RSVP’d on time, and she is under no obligation to send a gift/card, or make a phone call. It would be lovely if she did, and if may be your personal belief that guests should still send something in lieu of their presence at a wedding (in which case I could somewhat understand you being upset), but it’s definitely not a rule.

6525 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind.

She stiffed you, so you want to stiff her. I see that, but it doesn’t make it an appropriate social behavior.

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