Post # 1
So DH has a high school friend that he hasn’t really been in contact with for years now, but for some reason still considers a really good friend…
We invited her to our wedding this year and not only did she not send an RSVP back (DH had to all her to ask if she was coming or not), but she also didn’t even call to congradulate, send a card or gift for our wedding. I wasn’t expecting much, but for a really good friend, at the very least a card or call would’ve been really nice. Now she’s getting married next year and sending an invite to us. I say we don’t go, but I think DH wants to see the rest of his high school friends.
So my question is, would you go? And if you did, how much of a gift would you give her?
Post # 3
Normally I would say I wouldn’t go- she must not consider your DH as close as she is letting on, or she probably would have been at your wedding or sent a card or something.
However- if DH wants to go and catch up with his friends, I see no reason to begrudge him that just out of spite for this woman. Go, have fun, meet some of his old buddies, drink her alcohol, eat her food, and leave a nice card and a small gift.
No need to deny your DH a chance to catch up with all his friends just because this particular girl was thoughtless/careless/rude.
Post # 4
- Wedding: November 2013 - Makena Cove
@FutureMrsCookie: I would go. I would give them a small gift off of their registry or a $25 gift card. Unless your husband decides he wants to gift them more than his presence I think that would be appropriate.
Post # 5
I would let my hubby make the call. It’s his friend. If he wants to go, I’d go with him. And I’d give a gift because that’s the right thing to do.
Post # 6
- Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo
If your DH wants to see his high school friends (and knows they’ll be there), you might as well go as it is his friend(s) after all. Treat her how you would have wanted her to treat you, and know that you’re the bigger person. At least, if it were my FI’s friends, that’s what I would do because I think he would disapprove if I acted spiteful!
Post # 7
eh some people are weird about these things. who knows what her reasons were for not being more in touch or sending a card. if your husband wants to go and it won’t be a big inconvenience, then go. have a good time, don’t sink to her level.
Post # 8
I say go. It’s probably not worth the potential arguement you might have with your DH when you explain why you don’t want to go (men really don’t get those kinds of etiquette things). Like others said, go for your DH and have fun with his friends and let the gift choice be up to your husband, since it is his friend.
Post # 9
And I would let DH pick the gift amount, but I wouldn’t let it be nearly as much as I would give someone who is close to me who DID show up to my wedding.
Post # 10
From a strictly Etiquette point of view (afterall this is the ETIQUETTE BOARD) …
It isn’t appropriate to make these types of comparissons… tit-for-tat
BUT, I understand it because it is human nature.
IF Hubby wants to catch up with Friends, I’d definitely say you guys should go… and do RSVP in a timely fashion (just because she had bad manners doesn’t mean you guys should too)
Personally, if it was me… I’d get her a small gift (under $ 50) as well…
Lol, knowing full well tho that chances are good you’ll never see a Thank You Note for it. *wink*
(Unless planning her own Wedding has meant she’s seen the light… on Manners & Wedding Etiquette… only time will tell… lol, she does have afterall a year to send you that hand-written heartfelt thank you )
Hope this helps,
Post # 11
I don’t see a problem. On a scale of 1 to 10 (10 being the worst), her transgression was a 1, maybe a 2. Yes she forgot to RSVP, but that was the worst thing she did and lots of people do this; and she gave an answer when called. If you don’t attend, sending a card is nice but optional. I’d definitely go.
As for the gift, well the cost of feeding the two of you will almost certainly outweigh any gift; and the fact she didn’t attend your wedding actually saved you money. So give whatever you normally give at a friend’s wedding.
Post # 12
I wouldn’t be especially interested in going, but I would go if DH wants to go, and bring a reasonable gift. I am never going to show up with a sub-par gift. The appropriate response to rudeness is not rudeness in return.
Post # 14
Since your DH wants to go, you need to support that and attend with him. He most liekly wants to show off his lovely wife. As for gift, just bring a card, maybe put something small in it I you want.
Post # 15
@paula1248: I completely agree. I don’t think what she did was that bad, unless there’s something here I’m not getting. She’s definitely not the first guest to have not RSVP’d on time, and she is under no obligation to send a gift/card, or make a phone call. It would be lovely if she did, and if may be your personal belief that guests should still send something in lieu of their presence at a wedding (in which case I could somewhat understand you being upset), but it’s definitely not a rule.
Post # 16
An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind.
She stiffed you, so you want to stiff her. I see that, but it doesn’t make it an appropriate social behavior.