Post # 1
I just recieved a Save the Date for a wedding in July. It is the wedding of my best friend from high school. We are now 26. She moved away for college and we lost touch except for catching up on holidays and what not. She is now living in the same city as me, but we are not very close – we see each other 2-3 times a year for lunch. She was a huge part of my life at one point, but definetly not someone I’m super close with. I have never met her FI. I’m an old friend but definetly not someone who is super close to her these days.
Her wedding is out of state and is on a Friday. Attending would mean taking at least 1 day off of work. I tried to work out the absolute bare minimum option. We would have to fly out Friday morning (landing at noon, wedding is at 7pm), stay one night at the hotel, and then fly out Saturday. With the cheapest flight and the hotel block, the total for both FI and I would be around $800. I’m guessing with extra things like a taxi, food, etc, this trip would end up costing us around $1000.
That is a LOT of money for us. My heart really wants to go this wedding, but my brain tells me it’s a bad idea. We have our own wedding coming up and have been living at the bare minimum to afford our honeymoon (which is 2k, only twice what we would spend to go to this wedding).
My FI will attend with me, but doesn’t think it’s a good idea. We would obviously send a nice gift if we didn’t attend. I know how much work weddings are and I feel badly saying no 🙁
Post # 3
Would you consider going without FI? Is there anyone else you know that you could go and share a room with? if you really can’t afford it, then no I would not go.
Post # 4
I wouldn’t. A wedding invitation isn’t a sumons, and you aren’t even that close to this girl. If it was your sister, or your best friend, then I’d say try and go. But for a girl you see maybe twice a year and aren’t close with any more? I see my hairstylist more than that and I’m not going to her wedding!
How much work a wedding is shouldn’t make you feel bad. You could feel bad if you RSVPed yes and then flaked out at the last minute, but RSVPing no is an option – that’s why it’s on the card.
Post # 5
I would not spend $1000 plus the cost of a gift and two days vacation pay to attend the wedding of someone I am not close to.
I would send my regrets and best wishes.
Post # 6
I would send a nice gift along with my regrets and see if maybe she and her new husband would like to come over/go out for dinner to celebrate about a month or so after their wedding. I’m sure she’ll understand.
Post # 7
I would send a nice gift with a declined invitation. I wouldn’t even consider going with a cost like that if you are trying to save for your own wedding and you aren’t even close with this girl anymore.
Post # 8
I’m selfish with my time off. You need to be a bestie for me to take off and fly somewhere. Send a gift.
Post # 9
I do think that you shouldn’t go to this wedding, especially because you aren’t all that close to this girl and you don’t know her FI.
If you feel bad saying no, just send your regrets, and if she asks about it, tell her that you couldn’t afford to come (its the truth). People who schedule weddings on Fridays and/or out of state should know that many people who would otherwise be there will not be able to attend their wedding for various (mostly financial) reasons.
Post # 10
I wouldn’t, not for that cost!
But I would definitely send her a gift and a really thoughtful note!
Post # 11
I wouldn’t go to the wedding but maybe take her out to a special lunch and give her a gift before she leaves for her wedding? That shows a little more effort for an old friend, and your not shelling out alot of money to go to the wedding. She won’t even spend that much time with you at the wedding.
Post # 12
@MsMonkey: Have you considered going alone?
Post # 13
I have thought about going alone, but decided I don’t feel comfortable. The only other person I know at the wedding is an old HS friend who is in the bridal party. I’ve got some anxiety issues and going to a big event like that alone is bound to make me anxious. Plus, removing just the cost of FI’s flight makes my total cost still hit around $600-$700 :/
Thank you to everyone who replied. I’m not going to go. I am going to send a nice gift and then FI and I will take the couple out for a nice dinner to congratulate them after the honeymoon!
Post # 14
I personally would not go. That is a lot of money for a very quick weekend trip for someone you aren’t that close to. I like the idea of maybe going out for a nice meal or some sort of girl’s night with her before the wedding. You coud explain the reasons why you cannot go. That seems reasonable to me. It is sad to have to decline the invite to her wedding, but with your own wedding in the future…it’s understandable.
Post # 15
This is the risk people run by having a non-weekend wedding. We have had to decline Friday weddings also. My DH has limited vacation days, and we are careful about using them so that he has days available when we actually need them. There was one wedding we were invited to on a Friday afternoon, meaning he would’ve needed to take both Thursday and Friday off work (I realize vacation days are only part of your concern, but that would definitely factor into our decision of whether to attend or not).
Traveling is extremely expensive, and you have your own wedding coming up. Buy a nice gift and send your well-wishes. I don’t think you’re under any obligation to go.
Post # 16
I think your friend is probably expecting that some people won’t be able to attend her wedding since it is out of town and on a weekday. You also need to factor in both you and your FI taking off of work for a day since you may lose even more money on top of the $1,000 that you will be spending. If you can’t afford something it’s that simple. You should never go beyond your means to make it to someone else’s wedding. I don’t think I’d ever spend $1,000 for a flight to someone else’s wedding unless we were super close because $1,000=a decent vacation that is more than just one night in a cheap hotel.