Would you have a child out of wedlock?

posted 2 years ago in Babies
Post # 2
Member
8706 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

I guess if we had been together long enough and we both wanted children.

Post # 5
Member
8720 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

Absolutely not. If others choose to that’s fine for them but not a choice I would make (and with the many forms of BC I wouldn’t choose to although I know it’s not 100% effective).

Post # 6
Member
242 posts
Helper bee

MRS-K:  Because it’s not a good foundation to be starting a family on. If they want a child, they should get married. Money is no excuse. If they have to elope now and have an elaborate celebration later, then let them do that. 

Post # 7
Member
484 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

I agree with the premise of your sister’s thoughts: children are the greatest commitment to make. 

Having said that, CBC couples are no less committed in my eyes.

I don’t think I would have children out of wedlock, simply because we have no plans for children for a very long time, and our provisional wedding date will be 2016. (Also my mum said she’d kill me ha!) 

 

Post # 8
Member
528 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014 - Columbia, SC

MRS-K:  I would not in this instance. However, I do have a daughter with FI, but of course not through planning. 

I do think that people like Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell are every bit as “married” as people without the piece of paper, so if your sister feels like they are, I see nothing wrong with it. 

Actually, I consider myself to be a Christian and everytime my old fashioned mother hints at us living together as a sin I rememind her that until the 16th-century, Christian churches accepted the validity of a marriage on the basis of a couple’s declarations. If two people claimed that they had exchanged marital vows—even without witnesses—the Catholic Church accepted that they were validly married. 

Unless you want to say that all marriages before marriage documents were adopted and made law, then these people were just as married. Therfor, when my FI and I tell people we are married (or actually do not correct people when they call us married) then we are married. 

Point being, if what people think is the only thing that might stop you from doing this, then go for it. 

Post # 11
Member
228 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

weepingbride2b:  I would also like to hear the evidence that you have that its not a good basis to start a family. 

Why does a committed couple need a marriage certificate to be good and loving parents? Marriage is no guarantee of a family staying together…. 

Obviously in answer to the OPs question, I would not have any issues having a child out of marriage, and if my FI didn’t have different values we probably would. 

Post # 12
Member
132 posts
Blushing bee

MRS-K:  myself and FI have 2 children together and my eldest is from a previous relationship. However, we’re getting Married In august and I feel put commitment was made when our son was born. I would not change our circumstances for the world. 

Post # 13
Member
528 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014 - Columbia, SC

MRS-K:  I guess the reason why I would not consider it in this situation is it seems like marriage might be a possibility. Not that they are dead set on “society’s views” of the “institution of marriage” kind of thing. So it makes me wonder, why not just go ahead and get married before having a child.

I too, grew up in a very conservative home. It took me a long time to learn that I have to answer to God for what I do and not my parents. 

Post # 14
Member
242 posts
Helper bee

Catcat1:  It’s not fair to the child. Our society values the custom of bringing a child into a union of man and wife. It is a more stable situation for the child and family because in a marriage it’s not as easy to walk away because it’s a binding commitment. 

Post # 15
Member
314 posts
Helper bee

I know women who had children while married and then the dads ran away becoming deadbeats– so the phrase “out of wedlock” just makes my eyes roll.

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