(Closed) would you have done this!? Help me

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
4765 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas

Ugh – I know how you feel! My fiance and I decided to have our wedding in January of 2011, and when I told my cousin (who I have had many problems with recently) about the date, she said “Oh yeah, that’s when we are thinking about getting married too” – only problem is she isn’t even ENGAGED yet! It’s absolutely ridiculous!

I am so sorry you’re having to deal with that, it’s terrible! I wish I had some good advice but I’m still trying to figure out what I’m going to do too! I’d love to hear what everyone else has to say.

Post # 4
Member
1205 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

That does seem inappropriate. What does your brother think of it? I’d say 2 months apart is fine, more is better, but one month is pushing it.

My brother technically got engaged before we did, because like you we had plans and a date before the ring, but when we set our date I asked him if it was okay if our wedding was first. His is 5 months later.

Does your FSIL have a reason for her date? Does she know how it’s affecting you? Can you ask her how she’d feel if you did the same thing to her…. if you two can’t come up with a buffer that you’re both happy with, you might have to let it go. Your weddings will be very different, I’m sure, and no focus will be taken away from you. Plus, you’ll have an extra month to try to outdo her if you’re competitive!

Post # 5
Member
6598 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

I don’t really see what the big deal is honestly!

You get a day and she gets a day – they just happen to be a month a part!

Just go about your planning like you would normally and just let the other couple know your plans as it goes along!

Are the weddings going to be in the same place or are the both going to be out of town weddings for your FIs family? I can see how that might be a burden on the family but if they are in the same place and there isn’t a lot of trouble I don’t think its that bad!

I think this might be a great bonding time for the two of you getting to share the fun of wedding planning together!!!!!

Post # 7
Member
6598 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

I am sorry if it came off as harsh I did not mean to be mean at all I just thought it could be fun!

2 of my best friends are getting married next summer and my MOH is getting married a month before me and I love that we get to do it together and so I thought it could be fun for you and your new FSIL as well!

If she is a difficult person to deal with then it is a different story but you can still do everything you want your way and not include and she can do hers. 

 

Post # 8
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

How do you feel in general about your sister?

Personally i wouldn’t mind. You get a day, not a month, not a year. But i can see why you’re irked for sure! In the big scheme of things, it’ll all pan out. Is she just bragging b/c she’s all excited? or is she kind of a snot in general?

Post # 9
Member
11327 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

Ugh this sucks. I’m in a similar situation but it’s not so much my brother’s fault. My bf and i have been together for quite a while and it was pretty clear we were moving towards marriage. I was thinking a Sept 2010 wedding bc I like fall and we’ll most likely get engaged this fall. Then my bro proposes to his gf (who he’s known for like 5min) and sets the date for Aug 2010. UGH. I don’t know what we’re going to do because I don’t want to wait a whole year longer to have mine because of him, but I hate to ask our out of town family to travel here twice within a few months! It isn’t really my bro’s fault bc he didn’t know… but it still sucks. Now i think I need to either do it in May 2010 or hold off until at least November (and just realize that OOT fam might not come back). 🙁

Post # 10
Member
107 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I totally understand why you would feel irked, but that’s the trouble with planning weddings so far out.  We got engaged in November 2008, but aren’t getting married til October of 2010.  I have had two sets of friends get engaged since and both of them are getting married before us…but I knew that would come with the territory since we are having such a long engagement!  I wish there was an easy answer to this one, because I can definitely see how it would be irritating.  Hang in there!  🙂

Post # 11
Member
7175 posts
Busy Beekeeper

No, I wouldn’t have done it – but try not to worry too much about it either.  Maybe eventually if you find out what their rationale was for picking the date, you’ll feel less annoyed.

I’m the first engaged, but the last wedding between 2 close friends.  The core group of friends will be at each wedding, invited to all showers, etc.  Do I think there will be wedding burnout – sure?  But, if you really think about it, people have all sorts of other events going on in their lives.  Your wedding will be unique and special because it’s YOURS.  It really doesn’t have anything to do with your FI’s brother’s wedding… even though the timing is so close together.

Don’t stress out too much about pre-party planning.  Just plan yours as you would have done anyway, and if people have to miss out on it (for whatever reason) just try to be gracious and enjoy those who are able to attend.  

I would advise picking the dates for said events sooner than later and let as many people in your FI’s family know about it, so they can plan accordingly (save the date type of thing).

 

Post # 12
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I think that this is actually great.  My reasoning is that all of my friends are already married and are on to new and bigger things.  Weddings aren’t really interesting to them anymore.  For the first two months of being engaged, aside from my family and bridesmaid (other bridesmaids are sisters) it was starting to look not so much fun and more like work.  I didn’t have that many people to share my excitment with.  I mean really, how many times can I tell my lil sis that I bought my dress?  When my older sis got engaged, and was planning on having a wedding about 2 years from now, I suddenly got a buddy bride.  Someone I can bounce my ideas off of and give suggestions to.  Since she is also on a seriously tight budget, I can share all my niffty DIY projects with her. 

Sure it will suck when a guest cannot make it to your wedding but just because they aren’t coming to your wedding doesn’t mean they don’t care.  I’m sure they will wish you well if they attend the first wedding.  And remember, that aunt twice removed that can’t make it from his side just might mean that the old family friend your mom has been nagging at you about inviting might just be able to come. 

Post # 13
Member
5498 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Normally I’d say just keep you wedding date the same, but since it’s 2 brothers I think someone needs to move it unless you are paying for it yourselves. Why? Because that is 2 rehearsal dinners and such that your FI’s parents will have to worry about in pretty much the same month. I wouldn’t want to put that strain on my FI’s parents.

Post # 14
Member
4480 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch

I can see why it bothers you, but in the larger picture, it’s probably not all that big of a deal. Just make sure you are giving as much attention to your own wedding as you need to. Yes, some of your guests who overlap might not make it to both… but people who are very important will almost certainly try.

Post # 15
Member
24 posts
Newbee

Bummer.  I heard in Chinese cultures, it’s bad luck for siblings to get married in the same year.  I’d be uber annoyed!

Post # 16
Member
52 posts
Worker bee

I do understand how you feel, and it would probably get to me, too.  But, looking at it logically, you cannot really expect any couple to plan their wedding around yours, just as they shouldn’t expect you to plan yours around theirs.  For me, the concerns would be out of town family members that would be traveling for both weddings, and the cost they would incur. 

They may have good reasons for picking their date, and it’s not really subject to others’ judgment.  If they picked it specifically to be married just before you and your fiance, that would be really mean, but I have to assume that wasn’t their reason.

Your wedding will be yours and your fiance’s, try not to let anyone intrude on its significance to you!  If your FSIL is being competitive or inconsiderate about things, that is definitely annoying and frustrating.  But don’t empower anyone to take away from your beautiful day.

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