Post # 1
Hi Bee’s –
I am hoping for no “snarky” comments only opinions. I feel torn about when is the right time for my DH and I to start having children. We are 25 and 26 and neither of us want children at the moment. We dated for 8 years prior to marriage, so that’s not the issue. Both of our parents had us fairly “young” in their mid to late 20’s. We just returned from our family vacation and to be honest I was a bit jealous that my niece and nephew get to enjoy my parents while they are still pretty young. Silly, yes? But I guess I had a moment where my parents will probably still be living when my niece and nephew get married (they are already 9) and probably won’t for my children.
It also made me think about seeing my own children get married and have children. It’s become pretty normal in this time to have children much later in life. I was totally on this bandwagon until I saw a different light for myself. Now I’m questioning if we should wait 4 – 5 more years and make it more like 2-3 more years.
What do you Bee’s think?
Post # 2
- Wedding: Royal Park Hotel
It’s all what your personal taste is. My husband and I are 31 and we just got married and don’t want kids yet.
IMO the “ideal” time to have kids is when you’re young. Like 23-25. I personally like the idea of still being young when the kids leave the nest. My MIL was only 40 when all 3 of her kids were in college. By the time I’m 40 our kid(s) will still be under 10 years old. Kind of a bummer. But not everyone has that option! or even wants it! I have a few younger friends that are well-established, travel (still travel with kids) and married and having kids at 24. The dream!
Post # 3
Well we want kids by 23-24 anyway so it wasn’t really an issue but of course I would want my parents to be younger but it’s not a big reason, although my mom will watch them full time so she can’t be too old! Our grandparents always went to all of our sporting events and award ceremonies, even my great grandmother (who was a great-great-great grandmother when she passed away at 99). I would be sooo sad if my parents were older and couldn’t travel to their events. My parents were older (27) when they had me so they aren’t too old now but we don’t want to wait. I can’t even fathom us waiting until 25 to have kids (I’d lose it lol) even with grad school and everything, we want to be young (not really young for our area though) and it’s nice that our parents will be more active with the kids as well. It didn’t really have an impact on when we decided to start though, things can happen at any age.
Post # 4
Meant2Bee: I’ll be 26 next week and FI will be 30 in sept. I would love to start trying next year for that reason. My parents were 19 when they had my brother and 24 when they had me, I had always envisioned myself being married with kids already, but obviously it doesn’t always happen that way. Realistically we’re still a couple years away from having a family, which I still think will be ok. I would like to be done having our kids when I’m 35, I would like to enjoy my kids while I’m young, then enjoy retirement with my FI sans birds in the nest.
Post # 5
I didn’t plan babies around what those babies may or may not choose as adults. I wasn’t ready to be a mom until I was over 30, and I’m glad I waited. Other people are ready much sooner than I was. I also don’t want to make any assumptions that my kids will grow up and get married and have kids… there are other options than that and I’m going to do my best to support their decisions and not impose my own life choices upon them.
Post # 6
Meant2Bee: My parents had their first kid at ~30, and we will (hopefully) do the same. People live much longer these days, so having a kid when you’re a little older really isn’t a big issue anymore.
That said, if we were in a better place financially, we’d probably have kids a little sooner. FI is in law school right now and won’t graduate till we’re 27, and then we want to pay off a large chunk of debt and save for a house. If he had gone to law school right away and was just graduating (with a big firm job), we’d probably keep on the same timeline of three years and try for our first around age 28.
Post # 7
- Wedding: October 2017 - Baton Rouge, LA
by the time FI and I get married, we’ll be a month or so shy of 27 & 28. for the longest time, i thought we’d start trying for kids asap. but then i turned 25- and had the epiphany that i dont HAVE to have kids at any certain time, or at all for that matter. so now i’m very on the fence ab when/if im having kids. FI is on board with whatever I decide. I think i will want 1 kid eventually. I just dont see that being the case for quite some time. my parents are not happy ab this fyi lol oh well! not their life!
Post # 8
I’m not sure if I want children, but if I end up wanting them, I might have them a few years earlier than I previously envisioned. I always thought 30 was a good age to be a first time mother, but due to certain genetic factors, it would be less risky to have my first child in my twenties. However, I would not plan to have children young in hopes of becoming a young grandmother. First of all, I get the appeal of being a parent, but I have no desire to be a grandparent (or an aunt, for that matter, but that’s already happened to me…) Besides, there’s no guarantee that my child will have children. Another big part of it is what I consider “my normal” from growing up. My parents were in their mid-thirties when I was born, and the only living grandparent I remember (my paternal grandfather) was in his eighties, even in my earliest memories.
Post # 9
There is no Ideal time, it is when YOU and your PARTNER feel the best time not what society says. I had my first child at age of 37. Are there days I wish I was younger with having an almost 3 year old. You bet. But 99% of the days I am glad to have my child now. My parents and DH’s parents are in their 60’s collectively. So they still get to enjoy their grandchildren. My grandmother was 47 when she had my dad! She passed away when I was 13. I remember her very much so to this day.
Post # 10
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
Nope. I am a person first and foremost. Second having a child young doesn’t ensure they will have grandchildren early for your convenience, much less at all if they decide to be CBC. Third, the longer we wait, the closer to retirement our parents are and the more time our parents have to spend with their grandkids.
Finally, waiting until my 30s has allowed me to build up a career and benefits that will make having a child much easier than in my 20s. I have the ability to take off up to 6 months maternity leave with 75% of my salary through short term disability insurance. In my 20s I was lucky if I had 5 authorized sick days per year and when the employee manual did actually address maternity leave it was usually limited to 3-6 weeks of unpaid leave (but good luck affording taking that time off!)
Post # 11
I can see both views – as someone who will be 34-35 when I first have kids… I’m glad I got to experience my life in my 20’s without kids (or being married, really). I dated a guy when I was 24/25 and he always talked about how he wanted to be a young dad. Flash forward to today, and although he’s been married 4 years – they don’t have kids and we’re the same age. And I bet, we’ll be having kids around the same time too.
Anyway, I have the same feelings as you though… wishing that my parents would have more time with their grandkids when the day comes. My parents are already in their 60’s and probably won’t see their grandkids get married. I am lucky that I will have one set of grandparents see me, and there are still 2 more grandkids on that side to go! But, I also feel the same way with myself and not having as much time as a married couple and with our kids. If we have kids within the next year or so, we will probably get 40-45 years with them (if I make it to 80!). But, that is the direction life took me.
If you two are ready to start that chapter in your life, go for it!
Post # 12
I never thought I wanted kids prior to turning 30, but now I want the ASAP. I think it might be mostly bio-clock ticking, and having a lot of people in my life with kids.
I do think alot about the ages different people will be in the lives of our children. Their oldest cousin will be at least 6 years older than them, and that is kind of a large age difference, but his sister is 2, and his new younger sibbling is due in December, so they will be close to their age. My dad is 57 and my mom is 54, but I’m not thinking they will be too old to have fun with grandchildren. I’m wondering if he is old enough! My ILs are in their 60s and mostly retired. They can take SIL’s kids all the time. I would love if my parents got to spend that much time with their grandkids while they were still little. At the same time, DH and I have one grandparent between the two of us, and it would be nice for them to have grandparents around longer than I had mine around for. Granted, none of that is predictable, as my mom’s parents both died suddenly younger (early 60s)
And then I think about mine and DH’s age, and while I’m 27, DH is 32. I would love to have our house empty in our early 50s so we can enjoy a few more years of being DINKs without the debt that comes from putting ourselves through school.
And absolutly none of these have an impact on us wanting children now. We are just both at the point where we are comfortable with the idea of children. We are married, own a house and have jobs with good income where we are covering all of our bills with a bit left over.
Post # 13
Doing all the things I want to do prior to kids is more appealing to me than trying to get them out of the house by the time I am a certain age. I’m not promised tomorrow, so I don’t want to put all my eggs in my “when the kids are grown and I retire!” basket, so to speak.
Post # 14
Derp: I am about to back to grad school so the next two years are definitely off limits.
MrsN14: All 4 of my grandparents passed away before I was born. I don’t have those beautiful memories that so many people I know have. You are very lucky to have gotten to know your grandparents.
beachbride1216: I’m not super concerned about being a grandparent…hell, I don’t want to be one too soon anyways! My brother and sister both waited until they were 30 to have children so I really enjoyed having a niece and nephew by that time and my parents enjoy them as well.
Post # 15
Meant2Bee: The only factors going into when DH and I try for children (currently planning for late next summer) is us. We can’t take all of the outside factors into consideration because we can’t. We can only do what’s best for us as a couple when it comes to having kids. We will be 26 and 27 when we begin trying, so the earliest a child would be born would be when I am 27 and DH is 28. This is the timeline we are comfortable with. I love my parents dearly, but I know I can’t plan such a significant thing around them or anyone else. I would go with you and your DH are ready because otherwise you may resent having had children younger than you wanted and that’s not good for anyone.
ETA: I should also say that there are benefits to being a younger or older grandparent just as there are benefits to both being a younger or older parent. So while your parents may be older, they will probably have more to offer your children than they did your siblings because they have experienced being a grandparent for several years.