Would you help her?

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Would you help your parents refinance their home?
    Yes! : (3 votes)
    6 %
    No! : (29 votes)
    56 %
    Maybe? : (16 votes)
    31 %
    More info, please! : (4 votes)
    8 %
  • Post # 5
    2474 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I love my mom. She is my best friend, next to my husband. I would do anything for her…. except put my credit/financial standing in jeopardy. We have lent her money here and there, but it was cash with dates that she’d pay back (which, she did). Signing something with my name on it that makes me responsible for her financial decisions – nope. I love her, but she’s gotta figure it out some other way.

    Post # 8
    219 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    No. I would never tie my credit to hers. I would send her money for a period of time (assumine I could afford it) to cover the amount that the refinance would have, but I would never intertwine my credit with hers. I think it sets up too much risk both credit-wise and relationship-wise. Now that I’m engaged, I definitely wouldn’t.  And, if my FI thought about doing it for his own family, I would be comforted in the fact that his answer would be hell-no (this I know because it actually came up…a couple of times….with a couple of family members.  What is with family?)

    Post # 2
    2871 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    Hey, if you can’t afford it and if it’s something your DH wouldn’t be on board with, then you made the best decision you could. Divorce sucks and sometimes it involves losing possessions like houses. Maybe she could take the opportunity to downsize to a house she can afford.

    Post # 10
    4638 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    Nope. I don’t think children should ever be put in a position where they feel obligated to financially support their parents.

    If a family member fell on hard times, I could understand offering but I can’t understand being asked. I wouldn’t put myself out, nor jeopordize my credit for someone else.

    Post # 3
    11607 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    If it’s not a good financial decision for you, it’s just not the right move.  Perhaps she could sell the hosue and move to somewhere more manageable?

    Post # 4
    965 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: January 2014

    I probably wouldn’t unless I had siblings (under 18) still at the house. Your mom is perfectly capable of getting a smaller home, apartment, townhome or condo that is actually in her budget.

    Post # 6
    5697 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    No, I think you made the right decision. Your mom needs to make the right decision for her, which is probably to sell her house and find an affordable place to live.

    Typically people who need help refinancing or monetarily, don’t make good financial decisions, which is not something you want to get involved with.

    Post # 7
    4441 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

    mnp:  If they’re looking divorce what are they going to do with the house? I think they need to figure out their relationship before asking for your help with the house.  I probably would have said no on that condition.

    Post # 9
    9137 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

    Sounds to me like she will need to get a roommate to help with her expenses.  I would help her find one but I wouldn’t put my finances on the table.  There is too much potential for things to go bad and bad credit is no joke.

    Post # 12
    3280 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    I would, but both our families are extremely good with money, put us and all our siblings through private school and college, loaned us money for our downpayment on our house, and co-signed our mortage so I would definitely do it if they ever needed it although now it’s highly unlikely. They’ve done so much for us it’s the least I could do for them. I think our parents would die before asking us for money though. 

    Post # 13
    2428 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    I said maybe because when I think of my mom and family, I would do anything for them and they the same. But without knowing too much about the kind of relationship you have with your mom and what her other options may be, it’s hard to say. 

    Post # 16
    1721 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2014


    StephieBee:  I put maybe…but this is a hard question.  On one hand…i completely agree with everyone that doesn’t want to put their names..and their credit on the line.  On the other hand, my parents have always supported me and helped me out if I needed it.  When I was in a bad car accident, they gave me some money to help pay off my medical bills, helped pay for school, ect.  So if roles were reversed…I don’t know if I would feel right telling them no.  Although, the downsizing the house might be a good idea if she’s anti-roomate.

    Post # 14
    6194 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

    I probably wouldn’t, because it would probably be a bad financial decision for everyone. I think it would be best to help her find a living situation she could afford.

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