Post # 1
I’ve participated in wedding ceremonies for friends before and have helped them with the process (picking the dress, etc.). I was happy to do so because they were my friends. But I find myself in a sticky situation now. I just know that my soon to be SIL will ask me to participate somehow in the wedding preparation. And as bad as this sounds…I simply don’t want to have any part in it! I’m not going to get into details, but I simply don’t “click” with her and just don’t feel all that comfortable around her. But I feel I have to accept her request and act all happy and nice for my brother’s sake. I don’t think there’s any way to politely decline. Ugh, I know how bad this sounds but it’s just how I feel.
What would you do?
Post # 3
I would suck it up and help her for the sake of family harmony.
Post # 4
Assuming that all there is is that you don’t “click” with her.
Post # 5
Yes. You’re both going to be in this family together and it’s really the right thing to do.
But who knows. If you don’t click maybe she won’t ask you to do anything and you won’t have to worry about it.
Post # 6
@ohheavenlyday: I’m actually counting on her not asking since we’re not close–and she has SO many friends and family members as it is. But it’s my mother who is now pushing me to be helpful somehow. She says that if I don’t participate somehow it will look bad and that my SIL will never forget it. But I’m not volunteering. If she asks, then I’ll suck it up!
Post # 8
I’d help her out. You don’t have to bend over backwards for her, but I’d offer up your help and if she asks for assistance I’d help.
Who knows, you may end up “clicking” better after you spend time doing wedding stuff together. Or, if you don’t, at least you don’t come across as not wanting to support your brother and his new wife.
Post # 9
@Gerbera: Well, there’s lots of history behind why we don’t “click”, and mostly it has to do with her butting into my personal life. But that’s the past and at this point we are cordial. I definitely don’t want to have any animosity between us since she is marrying my brother after all.
Post # 10
I agree that you should help in some way – but like you said don’t go out of your way, but def offer to lend a helping hand now & then.
Post # 11
I would help where asked and, if not asked, let her know that I’d be happy to assist if needed in the interest of family harmony. I don’t really “click” with my SIL either as we have nothing in common but I make every effort to be polite to her, invite her and my bro out/to parties/events I’m hosting or involved in because she’s not going anywhere and maybe we will find some common ground at some point.
Post # 12
I was kind of in the same situation – and we are cordial now. I did not offer to help, but when asked to be a BM, I said I would, and I bought the dress and did everything they asked me to – and then they cancelled the wedding.
I did not ask her to be in my wedding at all. I don’t feel like I have to ask someone to be in mine because they asked me to be in theirs.
Post # 13
I would totally help out, but that is also in part because of how I was raised and my family dynamic. In my family you help family no matter what.
If she really makes you uncomfortable and the situation keeps turning awkward than only help her when she needs it most or when there will be a group of women meeting up etc. That way you won’t seem like you’re snubbing her, and she will feel like she’s welcome in the family.
You don’t have to be her best friend, but it wouldn’t hurt to help a little 🙂
Post # 14
If she asks then you should help her
Post # 15
I would actually make a pre-emptive strike and offer to do something that wouldn’t involve working closely with her or spending too much time together.
Post # 16
I agree that I should help out somehow if she asks, and I will. You know, she’s just one of those girls that rubs me the wrong way, so it’s really hard to connect with her in any way. I’m also fairly certain that she’s not crazy about me either. Oh well, it is what it is.