- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
I was hasty and voted no.... but if I were to think about it again, it would depend on more than just income. If they made more AND I had little savings then no, they are more than able to fend for themselves and should be able to throw their own party. If they currently make more BUT I had a ton in savings and my retirement portfolio is already looking awesome, then yes, I would help out.
I might gift them money. It might depend on how much more - are they barely scraping by and your friend making lots of money? I really consider parents paying for a wedding an unexpected bonus. We paid for over half of our wedding, with the parents contributing a little each.
Yes I would if I could. I mean if my son was a millionaire, and clearly was way better off than I was, I would offer what I could, but mostly would offer my time and efforts, and would most likely offer to throw them a celebration. But if my son made more money than I did, I would still help out where I could. Just because someone makes more money doesn't mean they have more money. From my experience, the more money a person makes, the more they spend on mortgages, vehicles, and bills overall.
I would let them pay for the wedding themselves, maybe give them a nice gift.
I voted yes, only b/c I'm in a somewhat similar situation to your friend, and it makes me a little sad. :( My sister got married last year and my parents paid for her entire wedding. I am getting married this year and they have told me they will not contribute financially. I do make a substantial amount more than my parents and my sister, but it still makes me a little sad. On a related note, I do think you should give the same amount to each child if you have more than one!
i voted yes because i know i would do something to contribute even if they made millions
@crayfish: In this situation, the son makes 90k when his parents make about 75k. Nobody is hurting financially, so I was surprised his parents weren't offering anything.
I voted Yes, because even if my kids are millionaires (haha, I can dream for them right?) I still would want to contribute. At the very least I'd get them a really nice gift or maybe pay for something specific - like the dress, the cake, the RD.
IRL Example: My Mom makes a lot. My step-dad makes a lot. My Nanny is retired, but has an amazing retirement and a ridiculous amount in savings. So you could say they're about equal right? My parents still get Christmas gifts. They still get birthday presents. I don't see it being that much different really. Oh, and my grandparents paid for the wedding dinner at my parent's wedding (10 years ago) and my mom and step-dad were making good money then too.
I think this is a first world type of problem and that of a modern one.
Everyone should have a wedding within there means weather you make 20 k or 120 k. If someone chooses to give specific money towards your wedding, not just as a gift, then count is as a blessing, but don't make it an expectation.
@Cash000: From my experience, the more money a person makes, the more they spend on mortgages, vehicles, and bills overall.
Well, I dont think that's a fair arguement as to why or why not parents should help out. If they make more, and cannot afford the wedding they want without help, clearly they need to reevaluate the wedding they are having, or how they budget/spend their money. If they make more, but it took 200k in student loans to get there and they are paying that back, that's a different story, and would maybe make me want to help out.
I have every intention of gifting my future children with whatever I can. When it's your kids, I don't really think that household income should come into play. FWIW, DH and I make considerably more than both of our parents and they still helped in every way they could, including financially.
Also, I don't think of it so much as "affording" their wedding, but more as the view of the parents and the gift-giving norm for each family.
I would never expect my parents to contribute to my wedding, even if I was unemployed. Placing that as an expectation is old fashioned. It's fine if they want to offer, but I don't think it's cool to expect it.
I didn't make an argument either way.
I just think things like mortages, bills, and vehicles payments are fixed amounts, that I know add up based on what a person makes, usually they buy bigger, nicer homes, cars, and the bills for those are more etc. This is one reason why I would help out my son, even if he makes more money, not a reason why I think other people should. I answered for myself specifically.
Yes, as long as it won't put us in the poor house, we will be helping with whatever future children we have with their weddings, no matter their own financial situation.
Parents may make less but have no mortgage and solid savings or still be living very comfortably whereas the child may make more but have no savings or tens of thousands in student loans so I would say it depends...I know that my FI and I make more annually individually than my father, and together as a couple we make more than my mother (my parents are divorced) but she's still financially helping out. Just because we make more doesn't necessarily mean we are in a situation where we can take on such a large expenditure independantly.
@Cash000: Ok, maybe arguement wasnt the right word. I dont think its a good reason. But I see your point that it is generally the case that the more someone makes, the more they will spend on those items. I'm coming from a place where I would naturally save rather than to over exert myself on too much house or luxury cars and items. If my child were to have made themself house poor or unable to save because of the vehicle they deicded to buy, I think I would have to let them fend for themself and to learn budget better to pay for their wedding.
Well that's great, thats your reason. But I am not saying whether or not he ( my son) is able or not able to save, I am just saying that he may not actually have more money (than me) technically, after his fixed bills are paid.
@AshleyR83: I am in a similar situation. I got engaged first, make more money than my sister (she is in grad school) and I would prefer that my parents contribute to her wedding, not mine. I don't feel like we need to get the same amount as every situation is different.
I would still give them money assuming I already saved it for them. I would have planned on putting the money aside many many years ago so regardless of their current financial situation I would still give what I planned on giving. I wouldn't give less than I had saved and planned on giving just because they make more than me.
Honestly, I don't plan on funding my child's wedding regardless. I will gift them what I can afford/what is reasonable at the time, and they can use that money as they see fit, but I don't plan on funding the wedding.
If I made more money than my parents, I would feel guilty taking money from them. In fact, we make less than my parents, and I still feel guilty taking any money from them. They already paid to raise me, I don't expect monetary gifts from them!
To be honest I don't think anyone's income level (parent versus child) should be taken into consideration when it comes to helping out with a wedding. You either help or you don't depending on what you as a parent feels is possible and right for the situation.
I personally don't like to discuss money matters with my family so maybe that is why this comparison bothers me.
We don't plan on giving anything towards our future childrens weddings regardless of their income and regardless of ours.
I voted no, but I probably should have voted "other." I wouldn't pay for their wedding no matter who made more.
I think when it comes to children, I want to be balanced, especially when it comes to life's milestones (which will vary for each child). I think FI and I will decide on a "set gift amount" for each child and set it aside over time. Should wedding bells ring, that can their gift, regardless of what they make. It can be used to pay for wedding stuff before, be given as a monetary gift at the wedding or just given as a little something special (should they decide not to marry at all).
@Eva Peron: Concur completely. If the son wants to plan a wedding, he should do so taking into account the money he and his FI have set aside for a wedding without expecting support from their parents. There have been several posts lately about people being upset that their parents aren't helping them out with their wedding (not saying this was the exact message of your post but it's in the same vein). I think it's quite audacious of someone to expect their parents to shell out money for their (the child's) wedding! A grown person should be able to pay for their own event and if they receive money as a gift, well that's great, but it definitely should not be expected.
For me personally, I would give a nice gift, maybe in the form of money before the wedding, but I'd let my child pay for the vast majority of the wedding on their own. I think it's important that all children, especially grown ones, learn to live within their means - and that includes planning a wedding within a budget you can afford without help from others.
Now if my child were in financial distress and was struggling with putting food on the table or paying the mortgage, that would be a different story.
It also probably doesn't help that I personally view weddings as a one day party and think it's ludicrous to spend thousands upon thousands of dollars, going into debt, or going without other necessary things, to pay for a 6 hour party. But that's just me! :-)
This is an interesting topic for me and at a time one that really hurt my feelings.
My parents paid for my sisters wedding entirely. My sister at the time was a Nanny and her husband a mechanic. I would guess they made $60k which is less than my parents.
When I got married, my parents chipped in $3k, and that was also our gift. DH and I make about two times the amount of what they make, and this is why they chose not to help us. It really hurt my feelings and made me feel like they loved me less for quite a long time, even though I'm an adult who should know better.
Hell no. Retirement is expensive enough. If my child ALONE made $25,000 more money than my HOUSEHOLD and couldn't budget well enough to plan his own wedding with his FI's income on top of that, too bad. Would I get an amazing gift for the couple? You betcha.
ETA: After reading Mwitter80's response, I wanted to add that all children would be treated equally too. I come from a family that favors the first born, which isn't me.
I would because it's not about the money, it's about helping your kids out on their special day.
We have already decided that we are putting money away for our children. Each child will have the same amount already put away (so we don't have what happened to us... the first to get married gets lots of money and by the time the other siblings get married, they don't have as much money, and then nothing to give to the last to get married).
So each of our kids will get the same amount (and they have the choice to use it for wedding or college) whether or not they have more money than us.
I put my sons through college and they graduated with upper level degrees without any debt, which was my wish. When it comes to their weddings, I will do what I can, but couldn't justify spending another $10,000 for one day. I've put off so many of my own dreams to given them theirs and must work now to put away for retirement. Well, I guess if my sons are making lots of money I could live with them, right? ;-)
The bottom line is that each situation is different. Most parents want to give their children everything to make them happy.
If I could I would... but it depends on the situation. My parents are in a tought financial situation, and although my Fi and I aren't swiming in money we (together) make more money than my parents do combined. When I talked about my wedding with my mom though she said that they wanted to help out though and they agreed to pay for the venue and food. I did not expect it and would have continued planning without their financal support.
I think for my children I am going to be more prepared. It is a good idea to set some money asside for them in a CD or something when they are born and having it for them for college, wedding, ect. I would give them a set amount that has nothing to do with our or there situation.
Where I am from (southeast), it is traditional for the bride's parents to pay for the wedding and the groom's parents to pay for the rehearsal dinner, etc. Bishon Frise (OP) is from North Carolina. I imagine they follow this tradition too. Regardless of my income, my parents would want to contribute to my wedding. My parents would be hurt if I told them that I would pay for it myself.
I would want to pay for a rehearsal dinner for my son/ wedding for my daughter. I would give each child a certain amount regardless of their salary. Even if its "chump change" to my child, I would want to support them on their special day.
people keep talking about how parents might be living comfortably while the kids might still be paying off big loans, etc. but that's not how I see things these days at all. I don't think this is a good reason to expect parents to help pay for a wedding.
it seems like every time I turn on the radio, people are freaking out about retirement, and that many retired people are rejoining the workforce even if they don't want to. my parents, and my in-laws are definitely watching their pennies. they may have saved for retirement, but who knows if they will live longer than expected and/or if they'll need money for an emergency, and/or how much inflation will impact them in the long run.
if i made more than my parents, I would never ask them for money for any reason.
I would if I could. Are they paying for the rehearsal dinner? I thought that was the usual contribution, along with a gift at the shower and the wedding. Maybe that's just up here in new england.
I make basically twice as much money as my mom and she still gave us money to help pay for the wedding. I think I'd give what I could afford regardless of my child's financial situation.
We are a lot better off financially than FI's parents and they are not contributing anything to the wedding. I think if we asked them they would scrape together some money for us but FI is very adamant about NOT asking them. He said we would just pay for the rehearsal dinner ourselves (we have NO extra cash with only me working full-time while he's a student) so my parents who make A LOT more money than we do have generously agreed to pay for the rehearsal dinner as well.
Anyways, if I was in this situation I think I would try to contribute to my childs wedding even if he made more money than me. His parents are also older and likely have their mortgage more paid down/have less debt so just because he makes $15K more a year doesn't mean he's necessarily "better off" financially than his parents... Has he asked and they refuse to help?
Honestly, I don't think any parent is obligated to help out with a wedding. You should never expect money from people. You got engaged, you wanted to get married... you shouldn't plan a party you can't afford.
Now, if the parents offer. That' awesome, but the money should never be expected or asked for.
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| rachgirl82 | 39 |
| pengoala | 33 |
| MissBoPeep | 28 |
| Future Army Wife | 20 |
| Beckster329 | 19 |
| couawilou | 18 |
| Sunfire | 18 |
| KatNYC2011 | 15 |
 vorpalette |
15 |
| beargoose | 14 |
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| rubyroad10 | 4 |
| PinkMagnolia | 2 |
| CorgiTales | 1 |
| 2PeasinaPod | 1 |
| MissBoPeep | 1 |
| chasesgirl | 1 |
| CupcakeKelly | 1 |
| couawilou | 1 |
| yellowshoe | 1 |
| Zusie | 1 |
